Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I was married to a woman, same age, for 27 years. Three kids, five grandkids, good going business. And she ran off with a jigaloo 10 years younger, who had nothing, when she was 47-years-old.
Is there a question here? Or is this just your super-smooth way of telling me that you’re now single and ready to mingle? Confused, Will. So very confused. But also slightly turned-on, so I guess that’s good news for both of us.
Anyway, I’m sorry your wife left you after so many years. That’s a horrible thing to happen to you and I wish you the best of luck in recovering from such a devastating loss. I hope you have many friends and family members who are able to support you in your time of need.
That said, I must ask you what a “jigaloo” is. I immediately assumed you meant “gigolo,” but then I said to myself, “Self, you’re not as worldly as you think and maybe a jigaloo is some creature from those Hobbit movies you never watch because you’re scared of gay wizards.” So if that’s the case, I’m very sorry you were dumped for a Hobbit. But like they say, “Once you go hairy fat feet, you never go back.” Isn’t that what they say? Or is it, “Once you go jigaloo, you never go shuge-a-loo”? No, that doesn’t even make sense. Plus it sounds like someone’s having hot sex with a pink Muppet and God knows those fuzzy horndogs are basically just VD factories waiting to explode. Seriously, why do you think Miss Piggy is always so crabby? Broad spectrum antibiotics, my friend. Da pig is on da penicillin.
As I said, I’m confused Will. So very, very confused. But I want you to know I wish you all the best in moving on and I sincerely thank you for contacting The Mouthy Housewives for advice. Despite your grammar and spelling issues, I truly feel that you’ll meet another woman deserving of your many charms before too long.
But just to cover all your bases, maybe start growing out the hair on your feet. I hear some ladies like that.