20 Jan
Up Close And Personal With The Housewives: Meet Wendi!

Guess what, people? Now you no longer have to dig through our trashcans and spy on us with telephoto lenses to find out what really makes us tick! Because today we start an exciting new feature here at The Mouthy Housewives: Meet Your Housewives! (Where the damn confetti cannon at? Marinka, weren’t you in charge of that?)

Anyway, since you all read our words every week and dream about hanging out with us at the Paramus Mall Food Court, we’re now giving you the chance to know our deepest, darkest secrets. (Or at least the ones that don’t include what we did to that cagey Tunisian drifter back in ’87. Trust us, we’ll never tell.) But we just know we’ll all feel like BFFs by the time we’re done with this fun new feature! {{Hugs.}}

Today, let’s meet WENDI.

Name: Wendi Aarons

Age: STFU

Hometown: Austin, Texas

Here’s a glamour shot of Wendi enjoying herself at the ultra chic Great Wolf Lodge. Isn’t she just gorgeous with those Wolf Ears? We don’t know for sure, but we suspect she keeps them in her nightstand drawer for those times she wants to get really wild. Rwor!

And now, Wendi answers some probing questions asked by her lovely Sister Wives!

Dear Wendi:

What’s your spirit animal?
Is Chardonnay an animal?

 

What’s your sign? And major? And are those space pants you’re wearing?
Scorpio, Film and Duh.

 

Which Kardashian are you?
Klingon, the one they keep in the shed with their coffins and cases of hair dye.

 

Most embarrassing moment as a mother?
Walking through Banana Republic with my nursing bra flaps unhooked. Whee!

 

Favorite Real Housewife?
Ramoner!

 

If your neighborhood did superlatives, what would you be voted as?
(tie) Most Likely To Report People For Leaving Their Trashcans Out and Best Ass

 

What plastic surgery will you get first?
Pec implants.

 

Are you a natural blonde?
I’m not even going to dignify this with an answer, Tonya. Haters gonna hate.

 

Who would portray you in a Lifetime movie?
Drunk Tracey Gold or sober Sammy Hagar.

 

Celebrity crush when you were 16 and now?
George Michael. And it’s still George Michael even though, yes, Kristine, I know he doesn’t swing my way and I’m perfectly fine with that because we connect on a deeper, pop music level and OMG I TOTALLY KNOW I CAN MAKE HIM SWITCH TEAMS IF I DRESS UP LIKE A HOT COP.

 

What name does your husband call you?
We only use our celestial names at home, so “Xyzyzyzyzy.” Or “Stop Using All Of The Hot Water, Dummy.”

 

Can you say “making love” without cringing?
Yes! Watch: Mak….makin….making lo-hhhhhhvvv…making looo-hhhh…OH MY GOD I CAN’T STOP DRY HEAVING! WHO HAS A PAPER BAG CAUSE MAMA GONNA DO A PUKE!

 

Who is your favorite Mouthy Housewife?
Yeah, like I’m stupid enough to answer this, Kelcey. Do you think I want another table flipping brawl in the TMH cabana? Honestly, woman.

 

What was your first car?
A 1980 sky blue Nova that didn’t go in reverse. Thanks, mom and dad!

 

What’s your bra size?
The lady’s stacked and that’s a fact. The end.

 

Favorite classic book?
Is Chardonnay a book?

Whooo! Now that you know Wendi better, feel free to send her gift cards and any of your spare pharmaceuticals. And we’ll be back soon with yet another Meet Your Housewives! Happy weekend, everyone!

30 Responses to “Up Close And Personal With The Housewives: Meet Wendi!”

01.20.12#1

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

You know Wendi, I always suspected your celestial name was Xyzyzyzyzy and now I have confirmation of it! 😀

And yes, Chardonnay IS a book: enjoy!!! 😀 http://www.amazon.com/Chardonnay-Discovering-Exploring-Chris-Losh/dp/1841726990/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327043978&sr=1-3

01.20.12#2

Comment by Becky Rice.

Celebrity crush? I could have sworn Wendi would go with Manilow.

Tbird Reply:

I think she had been reading to much Chardonnay when she filled this out.

Plano Mom Reply:

George has a cuter butt. And he sports the Don Johnson scruffy beard better.

01.20.12#3

Comment by anna see.

Oh my! Can Wendi be my new celeb crush?

01.20.12#4

Comment by Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac.

Now I know what song I’m picking for your next Karaoke Night challenge! Air Supply’s “Making Love Outta Nothing at All!” (no idea if this is the actual title, but I bet it’s now stuck in your head. You’re welcome!)

Bejewell Reply:

WAIT A MINUTE. There was a Karaoke Night challenge and I missed it??!? Bitches!!

01.20.12#5

Comment by Ann.

Hilarious, Sammy.

Love,

Nigel gonna go do a puke

01.20.12#6

Comment by Alexandra.

Wendi, How I LOVE Wendi.

She caught me so off guard at BlogHer.

The first time I had ever been with any bloggers, and there I was among all of them, all my faves: right and left.

This pretty Sunday school teacher touches my arm and says, Hi, I’m Wendi.

I’m like, Oh hi pretty blonde lady Wendi.

And I keep walking.

Only HOURS later it hits me: WENDI AARONS?

The woman I am crazy over?

And I”m like, Oh.Hi.

Yeah, me: why I had too turn to the internet for friends.

Well, I have the opportunity to gush now: I love her, she makes me laugh like only a handful can do. Before I began blogging, I followed her, and she lifted me out of a major major depression with her Barry Manilow posts.

I emailed her, and I fell off my chair when she emailed back.

Yeah, she’s good stuff.

And cute as a button.

01.20.12#7

Comment by Meredith L..

I *actually* laughed my ass off at this. Look, there it goes! Bye-bye, toushie!

01.20.12#8

Comment by Nancy Davis Kho.

Sadly, George Michael’s celebrity crush isn’t Wendi, it’s Manilow. And therein lies the source of Wendi’s chardonnay problem.

dusty earth mother Reply:

Ha!

01.20.12#9

Comment by marathonmom.

I am relieved about Manilow, truly. I hope your husband understands when you get all that fan mail addressed to Best Ass in Austin !!!!!!!!

Keep it weird!

01.20.12#10

Comment by Erin@MommyontheSpot.

Great interview! Glad to see that we share the same spirit animal.

01.21.12#11

Comment by Kelley.

I. Love. You. I do. You make me laugh out loud every time! “Haters gonna hate.” Ha!!! I totally feel like BFFF’s now!

01.21.12#12

Comment by Diane.

I have just one more question: do they really serve wine at Great Wolf Lodge? Please say yes.

Wendi Reply:

Yes!

Plano Mom Reply:

It is the only way you can get most parents to spend the night in the same hotel room with their kids (a requirement).

01.21.12#13

Comment by dusty earth mother.

I have to go now, because I’m having scary thoughts of that rack bobbing through Banana Republic unhooked. You’re so funny, Wendi!

01.21.12#14

Comment by Plano Mom.

One of these days I’m going to meet Wendi and The Bloggess, and then my life will be complete.

01.23.12#15

Comment by Cheryl.

Speechless.

01.23.12#16

Comment by julie gardner.

Dear Wendi,

Sorry about the trashcans.

Love,

Your neighbor –
Tracey Gold

01.23.12#17

Comment by The Flying Chalupa.

I can’t even tell you how much I thoroughly enjoyed this. So, so, funny. Especially Alexandra’s “pretty Sunday school teacher” comment. That’s our Wendi!

Yours with open nursing bra flaps!
Chalupa

01.24.12#18

Comment by tabbitha1968.

I think I should be allowed a guest spot on your blog to show my favorite animal/drink VODKA..

01.24.12#19

Comment by tabbitha1968.

btw do I need to me a housewife..im not a housewife in real life… just play one on tv, ….

01.26.12#20

Comment by Adventures In Babywearing.

I love this. Drunk Tracy Gold omg. Also, I still love WHAM! to this day. I’ll never forget the feelings I felt…

Steph

01.27.12#21

Comment by Up Close and Personal With the Housewives: Meet Marinka! | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] It’s time, once again, for Meet the Housewives! Last week we enjoyed getting to know Wendi and now we’re ready to Meet […]

01.28.12#22

Comment by tracy@sellabitmum.

You have better better taste than I do. You loved George Michael and I loved Boy George.

03.09.12#23

Comment by Up Close and Personal with the Housewives: Meet Kristine! | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] with another Housewife! So far, we’ve heard the (punishable under Federal Law) secrets of Wendi.  Then it was Marinka, and last week Tonya laid it all out on the […]

03.09.12#24

Comment by Kristin S..

What’s with the Paramus Mall reference? That’s where I got my ears pierced, which is very random. Jersey girls.

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