30 Jul
Um, Your Honor, what do you think of these pants?

Dear TMH,

I feel like such a dork. Yesterday, I had to go to court as a witness for the prosecution (not as dramatic as it sounds – it was a case of egging by a 28 year-old woman). My mother and husband (who were also subpoenaed as witnesses for the prosecution) and I were all dressed nicely, but we felt so out of place. There was one woman there trying to convince the judge that, after 2 DWI’s, she shouldn’t lose her license. She was wearing a belly shirt, blue jeans, and flip-flops. Another woman was up on assault and disorderly conduct charges, and she was wearing a lovely velvet ensemble complete with velvet flip-flops. All of the marijuana offenders wore dirty t-shirts and blue jeans. Oh,   Mouthy Housewives, I could go on and on. But my question is this: what would be appropriate attire to wear to court so that I do not feel like such a preppy dork?

Thanks for your help,

Dorky Dressing Darling


Dear Dorky,

Let me get this straight: YOU felt out of place in a room full of felons and would like me to advise you on how to make a better fashion choice so you can feel more like one of them?

Wow, talk about reaching for the stars.

You were in that courtroom as a witness to a crime, a crime committed by a woman who most likely has the maturity of a 12-year-old boy running around on Halloween night high as a kite on Milk Duds. The question is, what are the chances that you are ever going to find yourself in a similar position? I’m guessing close to zero.

You should be proud to look like a preppy dork because it seems to me all those that didn’t were going to be spending their nights in the big house while you went home in your madras pants and Lilly Pulitzer cotton-tee and slept in a room where you didn’t have to scream “Guard,” every time you wanted to take a walk around “the yard”.

I think the solution here has nothing to do with fashion. You need to go and talk to someone as to why you’d want to be a part of this group in the first place. Peer pressure abounds, even amongst adults, I know, but these people are not your peers. (Although if Mr. Marijuana man goes by the name “Dean Bong,” he could possibly be a man I dated briefly back in the 80’s.)

Basically, as my mother says, as long as what you’re doing is moral, ethical and legal, it doesn’t matter if you’re dressed in a polo shirt, Prada pantsuit or a Mr. Potato Head costume, you are a good person and that is what matters above all else. Good Luck.


Jessica, TMH

9 Responses to “Um, Your Honor, what do you think of these pants?”


Comment by Inna.

great answer Jessica!

I was wondering though if trying to fit in was more a matter of trying not to stick out in the court room full of crazies so that they don’t come after you later on… or am I just paranoid?


Comment by Wendi.

First of all, thank you for doing your civic duty.

Secondly, I think there’s a certain dress code per the type of crime committed, so “preppy” is the appropriate look witnesses and white collar criminals like Martha Stewart. Therefore, unless you do something really, really bad, you are not required to go full- Manson and carve swatstikas into your forehead.


Comment by Kay.

I’m with Inna (maybe we’re both paranoid?) – I’d want to blend in just so that the crazies & criminals would think I was one of them, instead of the enemy.
Cuz since it’s a courthouse, you’re not allowed to bring anything to protect yourself, like a knife, gun, taser, pepper spray, etc – ignore THAT rule and you’ll be on the bus back to the jail minus your weapon with the rest of the weirdos.


Comment by GrandeMocha.

I have a fabulous, black, Adrienne Vittadini suit that I wear when I have jury duty. I wear heels & carry a Coach briefcase. Both times, everybody pled their case & I didn’t have to stay more than a couple hours. I like to think I scared them into making a deal. Just doing my civic duty.


Comment by Andrea's Sweet Life.

When you dress nicely, the bailiffs smile at you. When you dress crappy, they pat you down.

Decide what to wear based on which you prefer.


Comment by MaryBT.

Well … I was being a little tongue in cheek when I submitted my question. Because I submitted it on the heels of the “no more infidelity questions” request. I guess I’m not as hilarious as I thought. That really did happen to me though.

Oh yeah, it’s a small town so we don’t really have a courthouse. Ergo, it’s perfectly acceptable to carry a firearm to court. lol.

Also, who are Lilly Pulitzer and Madras? Thank you.


Comment by Sophie, Inzaburbs.

This made me think of my wedding. At the registry office. Which was in the courthouse.
My wedding video actually includes the courtroom patrons for the morning as background extras, including a group of Rastafarians lounging on the steps.
I actually think it was quite sweet 🙂


Comment by Lottie Lou.

I have a great desire to witness a crime so I can show up in a Mr. Potato Head suit now. Thanks.


Comment by Babay.

However, the possibility of actalencildy rewarding unwanted behavior is much better than punishing the puppy and having yourself associated with unpleasant things. Plus, if you have the potential for the pup to not know what he is being rewarded you also have the potential for the pup to have no idea what he is being punished for if you decide the puppy needs a correction. This results, among other things, a lack of trust and confidence in you and your training.

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