Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am a young, vibrant, gorgeous (ahem) 25-year-old mother of a 3-year-old and a 10-month old baby. While they haven’t been potty trained yet, I think I have a bigger problem: I think that I need potty training. I try to go to the bathroom as soon as I feel the need, but if I wait even a few minutes and someone tells a joke, or I cough or sneeze – it’s all over. All over me, I mean. Urine is sterile, but my coworkers don’t seem to think that’s an acceptable excuse for walking around the office in piss-stained pants and underwear. I really can’t bring myself to buy Depends. What should I do?
Dear Leaky Louise,
Ah, the post-baby body. It is truly a glorious thing to behold, is it not? The squishy tummy, the jiggly thighs, the boobs that look like deflated party balloons—it’s just a complete delight. Luckily, the physical stuff snaps back pretty fast for the majority of new mothers, especially the ones featured in US Weekly’s latest “Body After Baby” pictorials. (Oh, Melissa Joan Hart. How do you do it?)
But unfortunately, it sounds like your problem is one of the more more lasting pregnancy souvenirs—-that of “urinary incontinence.” (Or as my mother used to call it, “Dammit, Wendi, why the hell’d you have to make me laugh in Macy’s? Now my pants are all wet and I look like I need to be put in a home.”)
UI is usually caused by weak pelvic floor muscles, but the good news is those muscles can easily be strengthened by doing your Kegel exercises. (I’m sure your OB/GYN would love to tell you about this in more detail. I know mine is a total Kegel freakazoid.) Some other tactics you can use to prevent embarrassing leaks are to cross your legs whenever you sneeze, cut back on caffeine, and maybe invest in a box or two of pantyliners.
But most important, go to the bathroom as soon as you think you need to go. Put down the phone, leave a meeting, stop Googling Matt Damon, whatever. Just get there. Maybe even buy a “Potty Success” chart and put gold stars on it if you think it’ll help you remember. And if that still doesn’t work, make an appointment with your doctor.
Now just to be on the safe side, stop reading and visit the bathroom before I say something funny.
This week on The Mouthy Housewives, we are giving away a simply divine diaper bag from Baby Star. It’s so gorgeous, you don’t even need a baby to use it. Trust me, the other moms will be silently stewing in envy. Click here to find out about the giveaway and how to enter.