30 Oct
Quit Tempting Me, Stupid Halloween Candy

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Halloween is just one day away and my house is full of candy to give to Trick or Treaters. I’m trying to resist it and stick to my diet, but it’s not easy. Any tips on how to resist?

Signed,

Tempted by Treats

_________________________

Dear Tempted By Treats,

I’m sorry to hear that you don’t have a lot of willpower. Not to brag, but I personally have a tremendous amount of willpower. In fact, I haven’t even touched the many SWEET JESUS I WOULD KILL FOR A F*$#ING KIT KAT bags of candy I bought for Halloween. Nope, not a single piece of candy has passed by my determined lips.

You see, Tempted, it’s important to remember that dieting OMG SNICKERS ARE LIKE CARMEL METHAMPHETAMINE is a mental game. And one needs to stay strong of mind and appreciate that your body’s health is far more important than GET INTO MY MOUF, YOU DELICIOUS PEANUT M&M BASTARDS a few moments of sugary weakness. For it is our strength that keeps us looking good and feeling good, is it not?

That’s why powerful, clearheaded women like yours truly never, ever I GONNA LICK YOU ALL OVER LIKE A STRIPPER POLE, LAFFY TAFFY even look at our Halloween candy until Halloween night. Out of sight, out of mind, my friend. So my advice to you is to stop being so weak and AWWW, YEAH, 50 SHADES OF TWIX BAR pathetic and eat an apple instead. If you do that, I’ll be proud of you, but more important to note is that I JUST HAD A THREE MUSKETEERS 3-WAY AND NOW I NEED A WINE COOLER AND A CIG you’ll be proud of yourself. Go, you!

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH

7 Responses to “Quit Tempting Me, Stupid Halloween Candy”

10.30.12#1

Comment by Christine @ FlyFishChick.

It’s 3am and I am up with a raging bout of insomnia, basically I don’t have a chance against sugar temptation tomorrow. Boo Halloween, it gets me every year. the fact that I am on the couch using a bag of halloween candy as a pillow isn’t a good omen for things to come

cbenson Reply:

I have a fitness motivation group on FB that I asked the same question for people to submit tips so I’ll let you know if any magic-secrets! LOL I ask my kids to HIDE the loot like ‘treasures’ which is really from ME! 😉 If out-of-sight, out of mind….well at least it helps not having it laying right out there! 🙂

10.30.12#2

Comment by Momof4Luds.

I buy kinds I don’t like. I say “kinds” like there are a lot of them. Basically, I buy Snickers bars because that’s about the only thing I won’t eat.

Unless I’m REALLY REALLY desperate.

Also, wait until the last possible moment to get that crap in the house!

10.30.12#3

Comment by Cait.

Halloween is postponed around here due to Sandy (how sad is that??) so that means we have another 3-7 days with the bags of evil until the kiddies come to get them.

If you’d like, I could share my stomach bug with you. So far the only safe things I’ve been able to consume are tea and ginger ale. Even the crackers and plain oatmeal are off the table.

10.30.12#4

Comment by sonirox.

OMG – 50 Shades of Twix Bar!! Laughing SO hard over here!!

10.30.12#5

Comment by suburbancorrespondent.

I think I love you. I was doing okay until yesterday, when the kids were confined inside due to Sandy. You know, those fun-sized Snickers really ARE fun. And the minis don’t count, right?

10.30.12#6

Comment by Kristine.

I just stuffed 80 bags of candy and have yet to eat a single piece. Thanks to The Mouthy Housewives.

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