My Boyf-Oh, It’s Too Hard To Explain
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am 50 and my boyfriend is 70–and recently divorced. We started going out right after his divorce. His children are grown but he and his ex haven’t settled community property. He told me early on that she comes to that house a lot in the summer to go fishing with him.
He also told me that she has never been with anyone else sexually even though he has had many affairs and if she had sex with someone, he would be upset. (Yes, he told all of this to me in this last week and it is really disgusting.)
He wants me to meet his ex-wife at a family function at his home, that she makes clear is still her home. She also said, because she’s older and came first, that if she wants a plate of food that I would have to get it for her — best of all, he put words in my mouth and said, yes, I’d do that.
Also, she made a crude remark: “I’ll do almost everything with her but have a threesome.” (He tells me all of this and thinks nothing of it.) I was appalled. Also, he told me that she will be visiting more during the summer. But the biggest one of all is this: when she’s there and because there is no where else for her to sleep — she will be sleeping in his bed.
What a cad,huh? The thing is this: since he definitely is a double standard man — I need him to know that I won’t “fetch” water for anybody because she wants to show her power and I certainly won’t have a threesome with his ex-wife. If I ever do a threesome, I’d like it to be with two men, of course. What’s good for the goose is good for gander. I have only known him 2 months so I have no heartbroken feelings. It just surprises me that this man is a man I would never have guessed is uncouth.
Do you think they are working in cahoots for their next victim and that’s why he made that remark? I’m just very surprised that I was bamboozled. He really is a gentlemen in other ways but the right way, I suppose.
Signed,
Help!
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Dear Help,
Well, since the ex-wife doesn’t want to have a threesome with you, and you don’t want to have a threesome with her, I suggest that the two of you never have sex with each other. Problem solved, wouldn’t you say?
But that’s just the tip of the iceberg lettuce. And although some people say that’s the best part, I think we have to dig deeper.
Here are the problems, as I see them.
1. Although your boyfriend is 70, he appears to be living in the 1800s.
2. He has double standards.
3. And an ex-wife.
4. Who sometimes sleeps in his bed.
5. And demands that you serve her food.
6. And possibly beverages.
7. You are worried that they are in cahoots about their next victim.
8. I have no idea what that means, but I hope that it’s not me.
Am I missing something? I mean, I got to assume that you’ve already made sure that you’re the Anna Nicole Smith in this guy’s will, so that you’re not just hanging out with him for the sheer torture of it. If so, good for you. Although that wasn’t the fairy tale that we all thought it would be either.
Run. Get away from this nightmare. You’re only two months in. Don’t prolong your sentence any longer.
Good luck. And I repeat, run.
Marinka, TMH
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18 Responses to “My Boyf-Oh, It’s Too Hard To Explain”
Comment by Plano Mom.
Holy Moly Batman, this is NOT a time to stick around and fight.
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Comment by Bean.
The first time someone shows you who they are, pay attention. That would be now.
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Comment by annie.
change your name, your number, your address – hell change countries – just get away from this psycho couple as soon as you can.
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Comment by Albug.
Geeze is this for real. Run. RUn. RUN! Change phone numbers too. Be prepared to get a restraining order in the future. Finally, be glad he showed his true colors before you were really emotionally invested in the relationship. I hope you haven’t lent him big sums of money or anything. Even if you did, cut your loses and run. Get the picture? RUN AWAY!
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Comment by Minka.
You’re smart enough to read TMH, so I’d like to believe you’re smart enough to know what a psycho douche-bag this guy is. We all have made mistakes, but you’ve already lost two months of your life that you will NEVER GET BACK.
Take it as a lesson learned. And don’t think you can “change” him. Why buy something so broken? Would you buy an appliance that needs repairs immediately? Return this piece of shit back to where it came from and start shopping around for something new.
And if you somehow think you actually deserve to be with this loser, shop around for a therapist. Seriously. This is fucked.
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Comment by HellTygr.
I get that there’s probably plenty more to the story of what you see in this guy. But “many affairs???” ‘Nuff said, even without the odd ex-wife issue. Dollars to donuts, he’s not actually divorced.
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Comment by StephanieG.
People are difficult because it works – he is used to getting his way, and he just assumes you’re gonna give it to him like he’s gotten it in the past. I’m with the others – write the two months off as a lesson learned and get the heck outta dodge.
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Comment by Fletch.
Okay. I am thinking the ONLY reason you would give this guy 5 more seconds of your time and energy is because you are worried about the finding love at 50 thing. But that is such BS. The only reason you may not find love at 50 is if you settle for some jerk instead of giving yourself the chance to have what you deserve.
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Comment by Kati.
He’s crazy. The ex is possibly crazier.
Run, don’t walk, away.
Leave no forwarding address.
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Comment by Patty.
Get the heck away from this delusional anal orifice and his equally delusional ex and breathe free air. Then do some serious thinking about what you, yourself can bring to an adult, satisfying relationship, and put some positive vibes out for the Right Person. I found the love of my life at 50, and you can do far better than His Fargin’ Lordship.
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Comment by Kimberly.
The fact that you are even paying enough attention to this asshat long enough to write about it makes me wonder if you secretly want to be a sister wife. Because that is what you are auditioning for.
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Comment by Danielle.
This is too crazy to be real. I think I might stick around, get some more free meals and try to get more information out of the man. This might make a GREAT book!
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Comment by From Belgium.
Excellent advice. Put on those Nike (or whatever) trainers, say you are going for a run and just keep running.
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