21 Jul
Mouthing Off: The Racist Vaginas

Suppose you’re the product manager for Summer’s Eve. Yes, THE Summer’s Eve—the people famous for selling douchebags of the non-Jon Gosselin variety. And suppose one day you decide that in order to move your new products, you need to make vaginas fashionable. You know—because female sex organs are just so totally last year.

That’s why you launch a new campaign called “Hail To the V”, starring a hand pretending to be a talking vagina. I repeat: starring a hand pretending to be a talking vagina. As well as a website where interested parties can take vaginal quizzes, learn about vaginal power and download buttons that say, “THAT’S VAGINAL!” I don’t know about you, but I can not WAIT to ask my 65-year-old mother to Bedazzle that on a t-shirt for me. Then we’ll laugh and laugh and treat ourselves to some of the Summer’s Eve products specifically made to “pamper our vaginas.” No more Brillo pads and lye soap for MY bearded oyster, baby! My vagina’s puttin’ on The Ritz! We’s all fancy ‘n shit up in the Panty Hamster now!

But all kidding aside, I certainly don’t have a problem with this whole Vagina Power campaign. Sure, it’s tacky, disgusting and pointless, but so is everything Summer’s Eve makes. I mean, do you even know a single woman who actually puts “Douchebags!” on her shopping list? Because God knows if they did, the only thing they’d bring home would probably be wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt and a piece of crap Bluetooth. And maybe some jorts if it’s one of the classy variety douchebags.

That said, what I definitely do have a problem with is a vagina that’s racist. Like the the vaginas in the following commercials you may not believe you’re watching sober. The first stars an African-American vagina, the second stars a Latina vagina and the third is a vagina of the white-bread honky variety usually found in states with lots of cheese and talk radio listeners. Gird your loins and take a look, my friends. It’s something you’ve definitely never seen before.

Here’s “Lady Wowsa”:

Here’s “Leopard Thong”:

And here’s “BFF”:

Still with me? Or did you and your Wunder from Down Under just pass out from seeing so many ridiculous ethnic stereotypes being acted out by a f—ing hand vagina? I mean, WTF, Summer’s Eve? Paint with broad strokes much? Get your artistic sensibilities from Sanford & Son? For the love of God,   your creative director makes Mel Gibson look like the president of the Malibu Multicultural society. It’s 2011, you idiots. We don’t DO this crap anymore.

I guess we can at least take solace in the fact that they’re not trying to reach the Jamaican market or we’d be treated to a hand vagina with dreadlocks and a spliff in her labia. Or the Asian market where the hand vagina would be balancing chop sticks on her clitoris and doing math problems. Or even worse, a French vagina who sticks a beret and a baguette in a place they really don’t belong—unless the vagina is under contract with a niche porn producer named Le Pervy Jacques, of course. Viva la vaginal difference, mon freres.

But at any rate, after seeing those commercials, me, my vagina and every other vagina I know will most certainly avoid Summer’s Eve and their vagina pampering from now on. Because not only are their products useless, but their ad campaign also happens to be borderline racist.

“THAT’S VAGINAL!”?

No, Summer’s Eve. That’s asshole.

 

 

80 Responses to “Mouthing Off: The Racist Vaginas”

07.21.11#1

Comment by Kim.

Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFL! and LMVO!

Jaimie Reply:

LMVO – priceless!

07.21.11#2

Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.

Clearly you just have that not so fresh feeling right now…

07.21.11#3

Comment by Cate8.

my vertical smile? shut the front door (my vagina is escaping)

speechless just keep shaking my head. wondering what Massengil will do to compete with this??? yet another reason why I do not clean (the house or anything) with vinegar.

07.21.11#4

Comment by Padded Cell Princess.

I’m guessing vagazzling hasn’t reached the States yet??…be warned!!

07.21.11#5

Comment by Amy.

hmm. um. speechless!!! hilarious spin on such a horrible marketing idea ~my V just went into hiding!

07.21.11#6

Comment by The Unthinkable.

[...] read this.  You will thank me.  And my [...]

07.21.11#7

Comment by Alexandra.

I just can’t believe this is even true!!

This is the first I’ve heard of it.

It’s like a bad SNL skit.

07.21.11#8

Comment by Julie @ mamamash.

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go queef out a complaint letter to Summer’s Eve.

WTF?

VWJennifer Reply:

Brilliant! Queef …. rofl!

07.21.11#9

Comment by Missy @ Wonder, Friend.

You think the degenerates who developed this ad campaign are proudly listing it on their LinkedIn profiles and resumes?

“Creator of racially diverse, talking hand-ginas.”

Pardon me?

I’d love to sit in on their next job interview.

07.21.11#10

Comment by FranceRants.

I tweeted about this yesterday attaching the video of the black hand.

I actually thought the commercials were sexist too, because to me the hand looked like a talking vagina (mind you, I’ve never seen a vagina talk, but this is what I imagine it would look like).

I hope the Tampax folks don’t decide to take this notion a step further….

07.21.11#11

Comment by Kati.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who tried to do this with her hand and felt slightly bummed that she couldn’t.

Ay yi yi!

Marinka, TMH Reply:

I did too. And then my daughter asked me if that was sign language.

Kathie Reply:

I didn’t think to actually TRY it, I just assumed I could do it because, you know, I HAVE A THUMB. But now I did, and I can’t, and I had to go watch again to see what I was missing. I feel so deficient.

07.21.11#12

Comment by Mo.

I really hope these make it to network tv soon… because I need a ‘vertical smile’ to cheer me up in between all the ads for depression drugs during my soap opera.
Bella Baby Blahg

07.21.11#13

Comment by Heather.

I’m gonna go with Kim on this one: LMVO.

07.21.11#14

Comment by Plano Mom.

Must be the same marketing company that created the Shick Quattro Trimstyle razor – the bush trimmer. I hate that commercial.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAk77Kr_OwQ

sarah Reply:

That reminds me of a comedian whose name I never remember. She does this whole bit about how her boyfriend asks her to shave her pubic hair into a shape like a lightening bolt. Her replay “Cuz, it’s not a topiary garden?” My husband and I repeat it everytime that commercial comes on.

cindy Reply:

Plano Mom~ I just watched the Trimstyle bullshit commercial and am just as dumbfounded by that marketing group as the ones behind the V. Must be one and the same. Could they be any more NOT subtle?? Bushes? holy hell.

sparkling74 Reply:

I had TOTALLY forgotten about those SChick trimmer commercials. It’s really amazing what gets out there!!!

07.21.11#15

Comment by hokgardner.

Wendi, you seem to be cornering the market on hysterical messages to feminine product companies.

07.21.11#16

Comment by Clare.

Hilarious! Yesterday afternoon, I saw a TV commercial for Summer’s Eve in which it showed various battle/war scenes and something along the tag lines of: “It’s the most powerful force in the world. Men have died for it.” I had no idea what they were talking about until they ended it with, “Hail to the V!” I almost choked on my Diet Coke. Thank goodness for the rewind button on the DVR because I just couldn’t believe that I had actually seen a commercial for a vagina.

Thrifty Vintage Chic Reply:

Ditto on the choking on diet coke for a commercial advertising vagina-power! Isn’t the point of a woman’s v-power that fact that we know it and don’t have to broadcast that?

sparkling74 Reply:

And as my boyfriend always tells me, can you IMAGINE the uproar if they started a campaign to remind men to hail to the P?????

07.21.11#17

Comment by Emily.

that’s just horrible. and so not likely to get me to start trying out their products.

07.21.11#18

Comment by Megan.

I know I’ve said it this before, but I really think this is the first sign of the Apocolypse: talking vaginas. On TV. And yet even suggest that two boys kiss…

07.21.11#19

Comment by StephanieG.

Usually I have some witty retort, but these have left me speechless. Thank God we DVR everything and skip all the commercials!!

07.21.11#20

Comment by BrittanyandTahn.

Wow.

07.21.11#21

Comment by LQP.

Holy cannoli, this absolutely made my morning.

07.21.11#22

Comment by Tonya.

I feel sorry for the actresses who had to play the hands. What does it say on their resumes? Racist hand vagina?
Very very disturbing.

07.21.11#23

Comment by deniseinportland.

OMG — I am speechless. Too bad the talking hand isn’t.

07.21.11#24

Comment by Carri.

Holy shit balls. Where has this blog been my whole life? If anything is going to make me wanna stab myself in the cooch, that would be it. I’d rather be not so fresh, mmmkaythanks.

07.21.11#25

Comment by Marie.

This is quite possible the MOST ridiculous commercial I’ve EVER watched. Your commentary is fantastic though. Thanks for the laugh.
-MM

07.21.11#26

Comment by Nancy Davis Kho.

As my family and I sat together in the darkened theater last week awaiting the final chapter of the HP saga, how happy was I that the big screen filled with the “All Hail to the V” ad mentioned by Clare? Yes! That’s JUST what my two young daughters and husband wanted to see together at a family movie.

As for this whole phenomenon of vajayay freshness guilt-based marketing: go take that energy and channel it towards the genitalia that really needs it. Men’s.

Wendi Reply:

It was on the big screen?

Nancy Davis Kho Reply:

Yes. Yes it was. In technicolor Opening Movie Day glory.

Mia Reply:

Yes, wny aren’t there products for men? I think it all should stay natural but why are our vaginas being targeted and not their penis and balls??

Sarah Reply:

We also had the Hail to the V ad at Harry Potter. It did not feature the actual talking hands but the audience collectively gasped when realized what the ad was about and at the Hail to V tagline.

I was sitting between a couple young Marines and 13 year son! Fun times for a vagina themed ad!

07.21.11#27

Comment by Diana.

No shit; they showed this before a Harry Potter movie? I suppose one could change the name to Hairy Pooter.

Lisa Reply:

This made me LAUGH OUT LOUD and wake the dog.

07.21.11#28

Comment by kimberwidmer.

If my V could cringe, it would be. This is the most disturbing thing I’ve seen in a long time. Not only are the commercials completely tasteless {yes, I realize that is an unfortunate adjective}, but so racist I can’t believe someone in their boardroom thought it was a good idea. Seriously. I can imagine it was a man with his head up his… nevermind.
That’s typecasting/stereotyping and we’re against that, right?
Thanks for making something akin to a horror film hilarious.

sparkling74 Reply:

When I saw it, my V did the equivalent of men’s balls shrinking right up into theit bodies in horror!

07.21.11#29

Comment by Mary A..

Hi — found you through ChiTown Girl.

Vertical Smile? Really?

That’s all I got.

BTW — I’m linking you to my blog RIGHT NOW.

07.21.11#30

Comment by Ilana.

Wow. I’m glad you covered the Asian vagina because it really writes itself, doesn’t it? I would like a Jewish vagina commercial where our “penny pincher” gets all “schmutzy” and then orders a “pastrami on rye”.

LADY WOWZA, indeed.

07.21.11#31

Comment by K A B L O O E Y.

C’mon, admit it. You spent millions creating a fake ad campaign just to amuse your friends, right? No WAY could a major corporation write, hire crew, cast, shoot, edit and test-market this campaign without someone tapping it on the shoulder and suggesting they reconsider the talking racist vagina thing. Wow. Good job on the animation, though. My V thought they were real until I took her out and showed her the screen.

07.21.11#32

Comment by Peajaye.

“Hi, I’m here from the hand modeling agency… No, they didn’t tell me what the concept was… Oh… [laughs] No, really, what’s it for?… Really… Uh, I’ll be right back, I just have to call my agent.” [screaming and cursing heard in distance]

07.21.11#33

Comment by S Club Mama.

Holy crap. Who thought “hey let’s make a hand talk like a vagina?” Must have been a man.

07.21.11#34

Comment by Evin Cooper.

OMFG. Please tell me you just had some free time, a baggie of good weed and needed a laugh, so you made these yourself. PLEASE. I don’t have TV so I’ve never seen these but OMG please tell me they’re not real.

Did that bitch just say “vertical smile”?? This is something made by “Funny or Die” or something… right? SNL?

07.21.11#35

Comment by Suniverse.

I couldn’t make myself watch the videos. Just seeing those hands was horrifying enough.

07.21.11#36

Comment by sarah.

Only men come up with this shit. Apparently white middle-aged, divorced men – or soon to be. And clearly no women on the marketing team to say “WTF? You are kidding me right?” Un-f’n-believable…

07.21.11#37

Comment by Meg.

You had me at “panty hamster.”

07.21.11#38

Comment by Catherine.

My vagina just hopped off my body and ran out the door in terror. Thanks a lot, Summer’s Eve.

07.21.11#39

Comment by Suzy.

“starring a hand pretending to be a talking vagina.”

I may never recover from that sentence.

07.21.11#40

Comment by tracey - justanothermommy.

Ok, those WERE super tacky but I laughed so hard I nearly peed. My Vagina probably wouldn’t like that, though. If I HAVE to watch a Summer’s Eve comm, at least it’s ridiculous. I mean, I have to watch commercials about Viagra and erection-inducing products all the time. I guess it’s time the vaginas got their fair share of air time.

Then again. No. Not really. This is funny ONCE, but I truly hope it doesn’t air on tv all the time. Ick. And does anybody really USE douches anymore?

07.21.11#41

Comment by Invader_Stu.

Oh dear good. I’m afraid to go near my wife now in case her wonder down under starts talking to me in a terrible Dutch accent.

07.21.11#42

Comment by Marie.

This is the comment I received when I emailed the Summer’s Eve company:

I am out of the office until Tuesday, July 26th. I will respond to your email as soon as possible.

Thank You
Angela M. Bryant

I would have taken a vacation too after this marketing blunder. Sheesh.

-MM

07.21.11#43

Comment by sparkling74.

Lady Wowza at your service. There are so many things that are wrong with this I can’t even bvegin. Wow……….

07.21.11#44

Comment by mellowdee.

*LOL* Oh. My. God. I think I need to douche my eyes after seeing that. How bizarre.

07.21.11#45

Comment by WC.

OMG! I really want to hit the FB share, but God forbid if my Grandpa clicked on that link and saw what I was posting.

07.21.11#46

Comment by dusty earth mother.

Spliff in her labia! Dying laughing! How How HOW did this get made?? I am literally stunned and speechless. Well, not speechless obviously, because I’m ranting, but WHAT??!

07.21.11#47

Comment by LADY GOO GOO GAGA.

” LOL RE: I mean, do you even know a single woman who actually puts “Douchebags!” on her shopping list?”

I am utterly shocked by this campaign – and cannot stop laughing at your review of it – soooooo funny!!!!!

07.22.11#48

Comment by Grams.

All I can think of is that old cigarette commercial “We’ve come a long way baby.” Seriously? Power to the V!

I’ve added The Mouthy Housewives to my feed. Y’all are hilarious.

07.22.11#49

Comment by Bridgetteciaj.

Who knew this was a real thing…
http://www.vajazzling.com/

Makes me think of a friend of mine who got a Brazilian for her husband, only to learn that the process was so painful, she wouldn’t let him touch her!

Can’t wait to send this to my Mom! She’s going to wet herself!

Melody M Reply:

I know I’m a little “tardy to the party” on this conversation (but at least I came!… Sorry, couldn’t help myself), but did you scroll down On the vagazzling website to catch a glimpse of the “c-string”? Dear Mother Mary! In case you don’t think a thong is uncomfortable enough…. How the heck do you keep that in place and what on earth would one be wearing that that would be the most viable undergarment option? What is that made of? By the way, is their office filled with like, porn stars or something? Because the text says the chicks that work in their office are “dying to try it out”.

07.22.11#50

Comment by Jaimie.

Oh my dear GOD. Words fail me.

07.22.11#51

Comment by Nancy Davis Kho.

What ISN’T a fun time for vagina-themed ads, really? The two young Marines and pubescent son sandwich might just take the cake, though.

07.22.11#52

Comment by Ann.

Slap me with a cleansing cloth one more time!

–Brittany Spears

(and EWWWWWWW)

Wendi Reply:

Yeah, I don’t know what they think women are doing in DA CLUB that they need to keep vaginal cleansing wipes in their purses.

Maybe I’m going to the wrong kind of clubs.

07.22.11#53

Comment by Elizabeth @claritychaos.

Ok, the paragraph about the Jamaican and Asian vaginas pushed me over the LOL threshold.

also? One of my sister-in-law’s claims to fame is that in a stand up benefit event starring Sarah Silverman, she played the voice of Sarah’s vagina. True story.

07.22.11#54

Comment by MarLyn.

I work in advertising and am simply aghast, yet giggling at the same time. Gotta wonder what the phone call to the talent agency was like. “Yeah, we need ethnically diverse hand models to be talking vaginas. No… they won’t be wearing lingerie. Yes, we realize there is a premium for nudity.”

07.22.11#55

Comment by Bert in Rice.

Of course Google picks up words to place targeted ads, so there — upper left corner under the Ask the Mouthy Housewives button– is an ad link for Summer’s Eve.

07.22.11#56

Comment by Vulvalicious.

Time for the anatomy lecture…the talking hand forms the outer labia, so “V” must be for vulva. The vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus (the birth canal).

07.23.11#57

Comment by Becky.

I made my husband watch the videos (I mean — really — he doesn’t need to harvest crops in Farmville ALL day, does he?). Even he was disturbed by them.

He said “as a marketer, you’d never come up with anything this offensive and stupid, right?”.

No sweetie. I just save the offensive and stupid for my personal life.

07.23.11#58

Comment by tracy.

I’m just so glad my vagina doesn’t really talk. But now I’m worried about it.

07.23.11#59

Comment by Jana@AnAttitudeAdjustment.

I’m just horrified that people may still think it’s okay to try to wash their vaginas with some sort of product. That just seems so wrong to me. And painful. And besides how uncomfortable these ads made me feel, the writing is just so TERRIBLE! Summer’s Eve needs to get a new gig. Like bubble bath or something.

07.25.11#60

Comment by ellemck1.

Greetings from Vagina Land?!?!?!?! W.T.F.!!! If these ads are supposed to convince me to buy their crap, there’s no way it worked. I thought ads were supposed to make us want to buy their product, not make us run screaming the other direction. At least, that was the idea Don Draper always gave me. Who thought this up?

07.25.11#61

Comment by deborah l quinn.

In addition to being really confused by this entire advertisement (did they ASK any women if this campaign was a good idea?), I’m REALLY confused by the cactus in the opening shot of the Lady Wowza. So African Americans are cactii, Latinas are handbags, and white ladylabia are…little weird broken hearts? Eh? Despite the idiocy of the ad I would like to toast the brilliance of Bearded Hamster. Thought I’d heard all the words for “down there” but that one…that’s truly magnificent.

07.27.11#62

Comment by What We’re Reading This Week: July 27 - It Builds Character.

[...] blog posts, and whatever else we’ve found interesting to check out.HUMOR The Mouthy Housewives: Mouthing Off: The Racist VaginasThe 818: Doc, Are You Telling Me This Sucker’s Nuclear?The Flying Chalupa: Kegels for [...]

08.11.11#63

Comment by cstargarner.

Colbert did a video reply to this. You need to see it! I’ll post the link but am not sure if it’ll get taken off like your videos.. but ppl can always google it! http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/393043/july-25-2011/vaginal-puppeteering-vs–d–k-scrub

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