27 Sep
How to Be the Purrfect Girlfriend

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I recently moved in with my boyfriend and his cat is an asshole. He wakes me up in the middle of the night, attacks my feet and looks at me funny.

How long do cats generally live? My boyfriend is very attached to the cat, so please don’t suggest getting rid of him.

Signed,

Cat Hater

___________________________

Dear Cat Hater,

One of the things we pride ourselves on the most at The Mouthy Housewives is our ability to put aside our personal biases and answer each question with an open mind. Therefore, let me just close my Cat Fancy magazine and lovingly tuck Dickens, my little calico cat who gives me reason to get up each morning, into her silk lined kitty basket before I give you a fair and balanced response. (ahem)

YOU’RE A BIG, MEAN CAT HATER AND YOUR BOYFRIEND SHOULD DUMP YOU BECAUSE YOU DON’T DESERVE REAL LOVE!

OK, maybe that response tilted a little more to one side than the other. Can I try it again?

IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE YOUR BOYFRIEND’S CAT, GOOD LUCK WITH HIS MOTHER,   DUMMY!

Nope—still a little unbalanced, I think. One more time:

HOW DO YOU THINK THE CAT LIKES YOU MOVING INTO HER HOUSE? HUH? EVER THINK ABOUT THAT? YOU STOLE HER PERSON, YOU MISERABLE THIEF!

And……nailed it. Fair AND balanced! Booyah!

Here’s the thing: the cat was there before you, your boyfriend loves the cat. Therefore, you need to learn to live with it. For starters, see if it’s possible to keep the cat out of the bedroom while you sleep. That should cut down on the waking you up part. Wear socks or shoes if she’s attacking your feet. It sounds like she’s got a lot of kitten in her, so that’ll probably subside soon.

And as far as thinking that the cat is “looking at you funny,” well, that’s just weird. Even weirder than The Friskies Fairy leaving cat food around your house. So unless you can get the cat to agree to wear little cat sunglasses, you’re just going to have to ignore it. The cat really isn’t out to get you. It’s more interested in the mice under your bed.

You love your boyfriend. Your boyfriend loves his cat. Keep an open mind and you just might grow to love the cat, too and live meowfully ever after. (Sorry.)

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH

P.S. Miss Dickens just had her 19th birthday. You might be in this for the long haul, my friend.

19 Responses to “How to Be the Purrfect Girlfriend”

09.27.11#1

Comment by Plano Mom.

2 cats (16), 1 dog (10), 2 snakes, and many fish. The 2 cats were my decision, but if my boss hadn’t had 2 cats needing a home, it would have been his. Hubs is a pet person. I think of them as one more mouth to feed, and something keeping me from spontaneous wanton weekends in Paris.

Son is in middle school. I’m betting that with the exception of the snakes, we will be without any extra mouths to feed in about 10 years.

Two days ago I was watching the news, and there was a dog needing a home. Hubs voiced my thought, “sure would make a great companion for our dog.”

If you really, truly hate pets, run now while you can. They will grow on you more tenaciously than a fungus.

09.27.11#2

Comment by natecammom.

Remember, all cats have Aspergers Syndrome. And BTW, Happy Birthday to Miss Dickens!

09.27.11#3

Comment by Bean.

I came with a big dog – DH had never had one. He came with two cats – I had never had one. Combining households was interesting, to say the least. Dogs live 7 – 15 years. Cats live 15 – 20.

When my dog died of old age, I caught DH crying. He looked at me and said “I never knew I needed a dog.” One day we will have another dog.

The cats? Not so much. One is fine. But the other is periodically posessed by satan and pees all over things (mostly mine), and no one in the house will be terribly sad when his time on earth is done. We have both determined when these two are gone, there will be no more cats.

But navigating all of this was excellent preparation for further discussions about caring for things and being committed to them. Like kids, houses, and elderly parents.

Cheryl Reply:

Awesome answer and so very true.

09.27.11#4

Comment by MommyQ.

Good luck with the mean cat. I happen to have 3 cats and 2 of them are also mean. They bite my feet or scratch me when I try to feed them. They hiss and scratch me when I pet them too much. They wake me up constantly and scratch me. I’m a walking scratching post. Force yourself to enjoy the little victories. When you get to pet him for 2.1 seconds and he doesn’t bite, savor the moment. While waiting for him to expire, stock up on Band-Aids and Neosporin. And no matter what, don’t let him know you dislike him. He IS looking at you funny and will happily chew your face off while you sleep. Good luck!

I'm a big ol' b with a captial B! Reply:

This may get a lot of hate but have you thought to get them declawed if they are indoor only? I have a lot of leather furniture and a cat who’s a bad jumper. She was declawed ASAP and she doesn’t seem malcontent about it.

Marinka Reply:

🙁

MommyQ Reply:

I dream about getting them declawed, but they are indoor/outdoor. In all honesty, I love my badass kitties and I have the skinny scars on my arms to prove it.

09.27.11#5

Comment by Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac.

Wendi, I thought you were exceedingly fair with her until the end…you HAD to go and tell her about your ancient cat? 19 years!! You got Dickens in high school, right?

09.28.11#6

Comment by Anne-Marie.

Cats look through you sometimes; they’re just planning your demise. The good thing is that they’re generally under 20 lbs and can’t actually smother you.

The foot thing will pass; mine used to do that and now that he’s 11, he could hardly be bothered to do anything but eat. And boy does he love to eat.

Anne-Marie Reply:

And I’m sorry- I wouldn’t tolerate the biting for long! But then again, it’s only my cat and it’s between me and PETA. But he sure stopped that stuff when I started showing him the shoe. I’ve never had to use it but…..

09.28.11#7

Comment by Patty.

JP (God rest his soul) passed at 18-1/2 years this last July. He was an excellent judge of character; he approved of my beloved Skibum in a mere twinkling — six months. Skibum won kudos for working nights at a ski resort and napping during the day; JP approved of such a dedicated napper. And the body heat. Anyway, cats are awesome to those who love them, and observant of those who hate them. The cat will always win — they are superior beings.

09.29.11#8

Comment by Brattus Rattus.

I’m a huge animal lover. If I was your BF, you’d be gone before the cat. I have always had pet rats and I loved each and every one of them. If I had a BF come over and he didn’t like my boys, he could leave. I wasn’t about to take the freedom away from them – it’s their house.

BTW rats HATE socks and band-aids. They attack them and try to save you from the evil sock and band-aid monsters! They also love cocktails so if you like to drink, you have to share. I can’t understand why that’s so hard for people to understand. LOL

< :3 )~~~~~

11.03.11#9

Comment by Boyfriend, Don't Go Touching My Stuff! | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] help. But if you answered no, then your boyfriend needs to back off a bit. Yes, there can be some growing pains when you move in with your significant other. That’s to be expected. But he’s being very disrespectful when he throws out your […]

11.16.11#10

Comment by How Do I Shake The Hex Of My Boyfriend’s Ex? | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] Witch of the West, you just need to realize, as Chris Rock put it best: “that *itch is crazy!” Alas, whether it’s an ex-wife, a mother-in-law, a best friend, or even a pet, our loved ones always come with some kind of baggage that we have to deal with to the best of our abilities. And […]

02.08.12#11

Comment by Irishgirl.

My boyfriend got rid of me instead of his cats. LOL! It’s true. I lived with him and his two cats for 3 years and I tried to compromise. But one of his cats would vomit almost daily, either a hairball or everything she ate! It was really pleasing to walk down the hall and step in that; warm, moist and mushy. Yum! Then, the cat started peeing and pooping on the carpet. My BF would clean up after the cats. His pets. His responsibility. He got sooo tired of cleaning the carpet after another of her episodes of puke, pee or poo that he literally lost it and screamed at her. (Even I wouldn’t do that.) Don’t tell me how innocent animals are or how they give you unconditional love. Don’t you know as soon as that cat could, she found her way into the master bedroom and peed on the bed. His side. It took my BF several months to get that mattress topper (over a waterbed) clean. We spent 4 months, him on one couch and me on the pullout. Cat urine is nasty to deal with. The cat hair gets everywhere. And when your BF won’t vacuum often, the cat hair becomes like tumbleweed in the desert! The cats were both declawed on their front paws, but the leather couch he spent a fortune for had the unmistakeable marks of cat ownership. (so did the door casings and the doors themselves) I sat on that couch in the rare occurrence that my BF would vacuum the family room carpet and listened while little pebbles would be sucked up in the vacuum cleaner. It was litter the cats dragged in. The litter box was outside! The litter box stunk and the house smelled like a horse barn. I can’t stand cats on my kitchen counters and dining room table. It’s constant cleaning to keep cat hair out of your food. And since the one cat couldn’t go a day without up-chucking, she then had to be given her own room, which she stunk up as her litter box was in there. This cat would hiss at you if you ever tried to pet her. The other one antagonized her and was too lazy to even stand up to eat. They were both 20 lb fat cats too lazy to do anything but lay around. I don’t understand why my BF said he had such an attachment to them. He wouldn’t ever pick them up, (said he didn’t want cat hair on his clothes). All he ever did was bend over and pet them a little. He mostly just cleaned up after them A LOT and fed them and b!tched about it. So, I lived with him for 3 years and dated him for over 5. Granted, the cats were there first. They were gracious enough to accept me. I didn’t bother them. Fed em and watered them every now and then. (I’m not cold hearted)I even scooped their litter box a time or two. I just choose not to live with animals. Grew up with them and know the mess and maintenance involved. It’s not something I want to deal with. I don’t want to live with cats! I have the right too, to choose how I want to live. Told the BF that after he kept pressuring me to move BACK IN and marry him. You’d think that since the man was serious enough about me to marry me, that he must have loved me. Well, guess again! I said I don’t want to live with his cats. He can’t live without them. So he made the decision to live without me. I will just have to agree to disagree with all you cat lovers out there. Anytime you value an animal life over a human life….there are issues in your own life that caused that. A guy or gal screw you over? I can understand not wanting to give up my pets for the next one. Five years, Folks! He bailed. For a couple cats. So, I didn’t mean as much to him as his two cats do. Glad to finally know where I stood. Cats mean more….gotta tell ya how good that tastes. But you gotta think you really don’t want this guy in your life, right? The Bible tells the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. Christ died for His wife, the Church. I couldn’t even get my future husband to rehome a couple cats, so I didn’t have a hope in hell! I could look forward to him pushing me into the wall while he ran out that burning house! The guy had never been married and middle aged for a reason. He will grow old and alone with his cats and one day he will regret letting me and my children (his future family) go. Somebody is definitely the loser here. And it’s not necessarily me.

RaeRae Reply:

Irishgirl, I feel your pain. I’ve been the victim of the warm, mushy cat vomit in the hall too. After this morning, I’m looking to be asked to leave soon. Oh well, go screw your cats when you need some loving I guess. I hope he remembers who did all the laundry, cleaning, and cooking when I’m gone.

07.07.12#12

Comment by krystalpistol.

My boyfriend’s cat is evil too… I call her Lucifer. I can just walk past her and she’ll be disgruntled about something, growling and hissing all of the time for God knows what… I just ignore her, it’s the best way to go about it… By all means, you don’t want to be mean to her.. cat urine is not pleasant and believe me, if you piss that cat off, your clothes will smell horrible for a really long time. I’ve never had to deal with that luckily…

04.28.14#13

Comment by RaeRae.

You are completely unreasonable with your answer. Just because her boyfriend is a crazy cat person, doesn’t mean she has to put up with his cat or even like it. IT’S JUST A CAT!!!! They are going to be together, get married, have a life together, hopefully. He can’t marry his cat and have an intimate relationship with it. Well, I guess he can but that would just be creepy and disgusting. I’ve been putting up with my fiance ‘s cats for over two years because I love him. This morning I expressed my displeasure in always having to clean up their hair and so on. If he loves the cat more than her, she needs to get out NOW!! Shame on you for your ridiculous response.

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