Like most of you, The Mouthy Housewives have been applauding and celebrating Bic for recently introducing a pen just for women! Finally, we women can stop struggling with those pens made for Man Hands.
Kudos, Bic, for being a pioneer in the field of equal pen rights. It is because of your ingenuity that women can finally have pen equality. And we can only hope that this trend will continue. In fact, maybe consider changing the name. Because if someone says, “My Bic pen is-” it sounds like she’s saying “My big penis-” And that’s just not write.
But come on, Bic, think of ways that you can make your pen really for women. Freud may not have known what women want, but you certainly do.
Here, we’ll help you along.
1. A bronzer and lip gloss right in the cap for those times you need a touch up before your man comes home.
2. Use the pen to write your own prescriptions for Prozac because we all know ladies are constantly on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
3. In a bind, the pen can double as a tampon. (Discard after use, ladies!)
4. Has a built-in safety devices that causes it to stop working when a douche bag asks you to write down your number.
5. Smooth tip makes it easy to write your future married name over and over and over again.
6. Can be stuck behind ear to help give you that “smart” look.
7. Bubble dotting “i” and “j” is easier than ever!
8. Ink turns to blood when writing checks. Numbers are scary.
9. Budget balancing is more exciting with the vibrating tip!
Thank you, Bic. Thank you for all you’ve done for womenfolk. With your product in our hands, the future looks a lot brighter.