06 Apr
Did You Hear the Latest About My Celebrity Gossip Addiction?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Every time I see a headline that says Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt (aka “Brangelina”) are splitting, my eyes light up. I admit that I really look forward to their eventual break-up and the rumors are just delicious. My friend told me that I should get a life and she also said something about karma. Am I wrong to root for their demise? It’s not like I have any say in the situation.

Signed,

Not Jennifer Aniston

______________________________

Dear Not Jennifer Aniston,

First of all, Not Jen, let me just tell you that TheMouthyHousewives.com is not a celebrity gossip blog, so a question like this isn’t exactly our area of expertise. Marinka, Kelcey, Heather and I much prefer to put our fake psychology degrees from Harvard to better, more globally important use. Or maybe you missed last week’s Jungian analysis of booger eating?

Wait, what? Who am I freakin’ kidding? OF COURSE we love questions about celebrities! In fact, as soon as this one hit our inbox, we pushed each other around like a gaggle of rabid Roller Girls just to get our greasy little mitts on it. (I only won because of my superior Tae-Bo training.)

Believe it or not, that feeling of excitement you get whenever you hear a break-up rumor about Brangelina (or as I like to call then “Angrad”) actually has a big, German word associated with it. Ready?

Schadenfreude: The satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune.

Let’s try using our new word in a sentence (ahem): “I felt major schadenfreude at the gym last week when Fake Boobs Megan split her yoga pants doing squats.”

Now, I don’t think you need me to go into a whole diatribe about how Angrab are real people, how their personal life really shouldn’t be examined, how your interest in them is just some weird form of escapism brought on by our celebrity-crazed culture, how you want them to fail to feel better about yourself, how Angelina majorly manipulates the press so she needs to take the bad with the good and blah blah blah blah. I’m not going to say any of that because you don’t need me to.

What I AM going to tell you is that it’s better for your soul if you stop gossiping about celebrities you’ve never met. Instead, you should do what our mothers and our grandmothers and our great-grandmothers did back when the world was a kinder, gentler, less vicious place: Gossip about your neighbors.

Hope this helps!

Sincerely,

Wendi, TMH

7 Responses to “Did You Hear the Latest About My Celebrity Gossip Addiction?”

04.06.10#1

Comment by GrandeMocha.

Team Jen here – Angelina WILL get dumped by Brad for someone younger & hotter – karma biting her in the a$$.

amy Reply:

I can’t wait!

04.06.10#2

Comment by marathonmom.

I agree with mocha. I don’t see it as much about celebrity gossip? as much as I do about having each other’s back – especially for another bitch that is just like us. Great hair, lean legs, flat tummy, rocking the 2 piece – KWIM?

But yeah, it’s good to practice on the neighbors because one day AJ will get hers and you will want to be at the top of your game.

04.06.10#3

Comment by Erin at Im Gonna Kill Him.

Angelina is the sly fox we domesticated dogs worry about infiltrating our pack. I’m afraid they’ll return all of those kids if they bust up. Dibs on Pax! I don’t want Shiloh; She looks hyper.

04.06.10#4

Comment by Subourbon Wife.

If hating them is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

04.06.10#5

Comment by SillyRnti.

Oh the sweet, sweet devilish goodness of Schadenfreude. I dragged my husband to the musical Avenue Q (the one musical I knew he’d be able to sit through with minimal fidgeting) and they have a song dedicated to it. Afterwards we both agreed it is my new theme song. Just in time too because the theme from Shaft, while badass just doesn’t work for a chubby middle-aged pasty white chick.

04.07.10#6

Comment by muffintopmommy.

What the duck–Angelina is bad to the bone. Ring me up some of that shadyfreud and make it a double!

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