Before I go on, I would just like to say EWW!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m a married mother of three and I secretly chew my toenails. I am so embarrassed my family is going to catch me. Plus my dentist says I’m destroying my front teeth, but I just can’t stop. Please help.
Signed,
Someone get me a pair of clippers.
___________________
Dear Clippers,
My suggestion to you is the next time you’re amongst company and you feel the urge to chew away, perhaps you could make like you’re having a brief nervous breakdown that ends with you, sitting quietly, with your big toe in your mouth. At the very least, everyone will be so relieved that you’ve finally calmed down, maybe they’d even offer to coat your toes in a cherry flavored shellac just to keep you from losing it again. As far as your teeth go, how “bucked up” are you? I mean do people walk around petting your head and offering you an apple? I’m not judging, I’m only asking because if the answer is yes you’re in luck. Instead of braces a company called, Invisalign uses plastic molds for your teeth, allowing you to lock lips with someone and not leave them wanting more and needing two stitches to close the gaping would on the top part of their gums.
Although, if it were me, I’d focus on the part of your problem involving your mind and not, what I’m going to guess, is your need for yet another pedicure and after speaking to a couple of therapists, it seems keeping a journal about when you do it and what was going on at the time, might help you learn what causes you to do it in the first place. At the very least you’ll improve your penmanship, at best it would be a great starting point when you have your first session.
Keep us posted. Love,
Jessica, TMH
12 Responses to “Before I go on, I would just like to say EWW!”
Comment by Inna.
Wa, that’s what I was thinking too! How in the world is she getting her feet IN HER MOUTH?
EWWWW!!!!
ps- who is coming up with these questions?
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Comment by admin.
honestly, I was so grossed out when I read the question that I didn’t even think about the yogi type moves this would take to accomplish this particular feat
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Comment by Alison @ cluck and tweet.
Well, I’m not quite sure how to respond to that. On the one hand, uh, foot, it’s disgustingly gross. On the other, it’s not really affecting anyone, is it? Except us.
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Comment by Jane.
I am so sorry I logged in today.
I was eating a grapefruit and now I want to throw up.
Girl friend you need HELP!
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Comment by Coco.
Ewwwww. But you could always try the old hot sauce on the toe nails to stop the bad habit. That or ALWAYS wear shoes. No open toes.
Go get pedicures every week. Maybe that will keep you from chewing because they won’t need it.
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Comment by Domestic Goddess (in training).
Uh… somethings are best kept hidden from all of society… including the blogosphere.
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Comment by Nicole.
I want to thank everyone for those comments. I’m laughing my ass off. As far as an adult nail biting problem I dont have any answers for that! Try chewing your finger nails instead? Trade one habit for another.
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Comment by SquirrelQueen.
OK, very gross but I am also one who thinks she must be very limber to do that. So basically I am grossly amazed.
Ewww,
SQ
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Comment by Roshni.
Ok, I’ll admit it…I just wish I could be flexible enough to chew my tonenails now!!
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Comment by Rick's Cafe.
Is it enabling if I offer my toes to nibble on as a substitution….ya know, so her toes don’t show the wear and tear of nail biting?
Just trying to be helpful….it’s not like I asked to take pictures or anything 
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Comment by alex.
Anyone remember that SNL skit with Bob Newhart? If it were me giving the advice, it would read: “Stop it.”
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Comment by wa.
Personally, I’m just impressed that she’s limber enough to GET her toenails into her mouth. That’s like a yoga move.
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