09 Jan
Pubic Enemy #1

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I don’t know how to put this delicately, so I’m just going to say it: Do other women have problems with ingrown bikini hairs? Or do I alone have some kind of messed up crotch hair situation? It doesn’t matter what method of hair removal I use – shaving, waxing, plucking – I still get them every single time, which really pisses me off as a feminist. Men don’t have to do ANYTHING to their crotch hair before a trip to the beach! Where’s the equality in that? Help!


Sally Stubble Crotch


Dear Sally Stubble Crotch,

First of all, my apologies for just now getting to your question, which I see you sent in last July when you were right in the middle of swimsuit season. So—oopsie! Hope you weren’t too ostracized at the neighborhood pool for looking like a hot, nasty mess in your nether regions, my friend.

But the good news is it’s now January and therefore your hoo-hah is most likely under wraps. (Well, unless you’re some kind of “Craigslist model.”) But as all women know, winter is always a good time for the regrowth and reforestation of the pubes, so I advise you to just let your body do what’s natural right now. It’s what we in the professional beauty business call the “Wintering Hippie” phase. Doobage smoking and tie-dye t-shirt optional, of course.

But, come spring, it’s time to take Bikini Action! My internet research on ingrown pubic hairs, the visuals of which will scar me until my untimely death, tells me that people with coarse, dark hair are usually the most affected and that they must resist the urge to “perform DIY surgery” on their owie spots. Yeah. Shudder at that one. But I did find this website to be very informational.

I also read that you may want to consider either laser hair removal and/or electrolysis, which are permanent solutions. They might be costly and take some time, but they also supposedly work really well on dark hair and prevent future ingrown hairs. Yay! (Readers—weigh in if you’ve had this done and lived to tell the tale.)

Of course, if you’re truly upset about having to do anything to your pubic hair, then just leave it au natural. I, for one, would be happy to see a woman walking around the pool with a huge Afro poking out of her bikini bottoms. Mostly because it’d distract people from looking at my thunder thighs, but also because it’d show society that we women are free to do whatever the hell we want with our pubic hair. Especially if it doesn’t cause us any unnecessary pain.

Good luck!

Wendi, TMH


20 Responses to “Pubic Enemy #1”


Comment by TheHappyBaker.

Amen to that. The beauty of feminism is that we are not property. We do not have keepers. We have the choice of whether we want to landscape or not.

Nobody has the power to influence your grooming decisions unless you let them have that power. So don’t let them.

Men may not have to trim a bikini line, but that’s because most men don’t wear bikinis. Mostly. There’s always that one guy…


Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

I learned only last summer that the 12 hours after waxing are very delicate: you do NOT have to use any kind of detergent, which basically means no shower. Just rinse with fresh water is all, otherwise folliculitis will set in, with subsequent pus and/or hair ingrowth.

I followed the simple rule of showering BEFORE a waxing session and for the first time in my life I didn’t experience the problem. Just try it! 🙂


Comment by Avprobeauty.

Not to be picky but it’s tweeze ladies, you pluck a chicken. Im a MUA and Cosmo so feel I have the professional authority to say this : )


Comment by Put Up & Shut Up.

I was right there with you, sister. I tried waxing and sugaring, and both worked very well, but were temporary fixes at best. During the summer, I would have to go at least three times, which meant splaying my lady bits for a stranger with hot wax in her hand. Not an experience I want EVER, much less every six weeks.

Finally, I found a Groupon for laser hair removal. That put the price in a range I could at least tolerate, and I’ve been thrilled with the results!! My Groupon was for 6 sessions, but I only made it to 3 of them. Even with that, things are so much better down south that I don’t have to worry about strays peeking out of my suit any more.

No matter how militant a feminist you are, if you don’t feel good in a bathing suit, you owe it to yourself to take care of that bikini line.

I wouldn’t recommend a home bikini wax, though. A few years ago, Hubs and I were headed to Mexico and I had already spent so much money on other stuff that I tried to cheap out on the bikini wax and try it at home. Long story short, I tried one side, screwed it up totally and ended up with a 6-inch long hickey on the right side of my bikini line. It worked out ok, though, because that distracted from my shave bumps on the left hand side…..


Comment by Jill.

Two words … Tend Skin. You can buy it online or at Sephora.

Best thing I’ve used on my lady bits. EVER!


Comment by this side of typical.

I took a page for the boy’s playbook on this one: i am a “bikini top and surf shorts” kinda gal. Still allows me to maintain my feminist views AND go to the beach. also covers the cellulite–which is handy.


Comment by Plano Mom.

Congratulations to every single one of these ladies who can even bring themselves to wear a suit.

I'm a big ol' b with a captial B! Reply:

Agreed! 🙂


Comment by Heather.

Better option: the swim short! I discovered these while trying to figure out an appropriate outfit for an office pool party (three words that should not be in the same sentence, ever). Tons of colors and patterns and costs less than a single bikini wax.



Comment by Chica with no hair down there.

In-grown hairs suck. My aesthetician has a number of do’s and don’ts. #1 no HOT water for 24 hours after wax. #2 don’t wear jeans for 24 hours (friction). #3 don’t use a wash cloth to clean your lady bits, just your hand and soap will work. #4 if you are going to have sex, do it from behind, since again, friction is the enemy. A little cortisone cream never went astray either (to reduce the irritation). I have always wanted to get laser hair removal, but never been able to stomach the cost. Perhaps a groupon is the answer!


Comment by Katie.

I have the same problem, but I’m LOLing at Chica with no hair’s post. It’s definitely an annoying problem, but I don’t think I’ll change the way I have sex to prevent it!


Comment by Mom on the Verge.

I read the linked article (all the way through!) and they recommended Nair/Neet every three days.

“Chemical depilatories like Neet or Nair can loosen the structure of hair, resulting in blunt tips of shaved hairs at the follicular opening.” Makes sense to me.

I’m thinking “swim burka”. 😉


Comment by Laughing.

Thank you Mom on the Verge for that website. Best laugh all day!

Mom on the Verge Reply:

What? When I dream of swimsuits, that’s what I dream of. Then I wake up and put on my tankini top with a swim-mini and go to the beach. *sigh* Seriously, men don’t wear spray-paint to the beach — why should we?


Comment by Trophy Wife-HaHaHa.

Letting things do as they please for longer than a week causes severe ingrown hairs. Until I can get around to permanent measures I shave everything every couple of days all year long. It prevents me from getting in grown hairs and it keeps my skin conditioned so that I do not have razor burn/bumps because of an unexpected beach/pool trip.

VG Reply:

I do the same thing, once a week in the nether regions. Haven’t had any issues.


Comment by Kristen.

So … I’ve started the laser hair removal process, in large part because I do triathlons and am in the pool a bunch, and when I have ingrown hairs and stuff, MAN does it hurt to bike and run with a swimsuit on. Also, I won a gift certificate so it’s basically half price.

I’m only one session in, so I’m no expert, but here’s what I think so far. It is not a party, yo. But, it’s bearable, and each session only takes 10-15 minutes for me — would be more if you were, like, going all Brazilian or something, and also, that sounds SO much more painful. But I can honestly say I’m really, really excited to not have to deal with the ingrown hairs (or scathing looks at the gym when I’ve got a little extra growth — WHAT? I’M BUSY).


Comment by August.

I usually just trim using my BF’s electric beard trimmer. If you can get it down to very short hairs (like 1 day-old stubble short), you won’t need to worry about ingrown hairs. On the plus side, anyone who is looking at your crotch THAT closely that they feel the need to comment on your bikini stubble is very deserving of either a berating tirade, a punch in the face, or both. =)


Comment by Hair Dye is the Spice of Life | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] in a rut. Should I dye my hair […]


Comment by To Wax or Not to Wax | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] of us women must face this waxing predicament for one part of the body or another. Ahem. For me, it’s the ol’ mustachio as well. In the summer, my facial hair seems to […]

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