Recently, we heard about a sweet little company called the Lubbock Fantasy Maid Service. The Fantasy Maids are a group of entrepreneurial Texas gals who got tired of working in Gentleman’s Clubs and wanted a neater lifestyle. Which means now they’ll come to your house and clean it for $100 an hour—while they’re either topless or fully nude. And all we can say about that is, OMG WHERE THE HELL DO WE SIGN UP?!
Because seriously, if there’s anything we love more than housecleaning, it’s doing it with our jugs flapping in the wind. Don’t you all agree? Why, just think of all those bleach and ammonia fumes wafting their way up your lady parts, making you feel all mountain air fresh and tingly in the nethers! Who needs Summer’s Eve when your hoo-ha has Soft Scrub killing all the germs and caked-on grease inside? And of course it goes without saying that your naked ass will look absolutely gorgeous as you morosely push a Swiffer around the house and spray the shower for black mold and mildew. Rwor! SEXY, SEXY, SEXY TIMES!
Some other ways cleaning naked is a fabulous idea include:
You can polish the silver with your nipples!
And, well, that’s probably it. We should probably quit while we’re ahead here because Lord knows we don’t want the Nudie Housekeeping Association leaving us a hundred lengthy comments about our insensitivity to naked maids. Trust us, they can be quite vicious for a bunch of people who don’t even own pants.
Anyway, while this idea is definitely a little risque, we actually think the Fantasy Maids are the perfect answer for people who are, quite literally, dirty perverts. After all, if watching some hard working woman vacuum your carpet while she’s dressed like a drunk extra from Cabaret makes you hot, who are we to judge?
Oooh, you have (pant) such deep (pant) shag (pant), slobface!
Honestly, we’re just happy the filthy weirdos of the world will finally have their vegetable crispers cleaned out. (That is not a euphemism.) (OK, maybe it kind of is.)
But unfortunately, while we think this is a harmless little company, the Lubbock police department doesn’t agree. No, the coppers insist the Fantasy Maid Service is violating some kind of law or something. And that’s despite the Maids offering a very generous Law Enforcement Discount on their website, too. Um, hello, officers? Don’t you fellas want a waxed woman waxing your floor? Or your credenza gone over with by a bare breasted feather duster? (Again, not a euphemism.) (OK, maybe it kind of is.)
But listen, people. In our opinion, if these women are making money doing something that dirty perverts are willing to pay for and nobody’s getting hurt (or, allegedly, having sex) and the Slim Jim and pizza box littered studio apartments of Lubbock are finally being straightened up, who really cares? They’re all adults here, right? Hell, if someone wanted to clean our houses while naked and covered in cockroaches, we wouldn’t call 911.
Like they say, Cleanliness is next to Godliness. But you know what’s even better? Cleanliness next to Godliness next to Nakedness.
Especially in Lubbock.
To address a couple of our comments, yes, the Fantasy Maids send muscle to watch over the cleaners.
Thank you to Shari at Dusty Earth Mother for the heads up on this.
And, is that Wendi vacuuming? Seriously? Do you really think Wendi would ever….vacuum?