02 Feb
In This Corner, My Mom. And In This Corner, My Boyfriend.

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My mother creates her own alternate reality for everything. My BF and I have been dating for six years and plan on getting married, but she refuses to acknowledge his existence. He is not even “allowed” over at holidays. It makes me feel like I am 15…I’m 25!

She has even gone so far as making things up out of thin air, telling people he abuses me, and then I receive emails from “concerned” friends of hers.  Or she will drive by my house intentionally just to call me and ask why he is there!

I am sick and tired of her antics especially because my irresponsible jerk of a brother’s girlfriend walks on water to her. How the hell do I tell her to back off and come back to the real world without causing a war!?


I Have a Crazy Mama


Dear I Have a Crazy Mama,

I admit that when I read your first sentence — “My mother creates her own alternate reality for everything” — I was really hoping this question would involve spaceships, Narnia and a few thousand horny gnomes, but you know what? It’s perfectly fine that it doesn’t. Let’s just go ahead and talk about your mother’s alternate reality. The one that involves her major dislike of your boyfriend. The boyfriend who isn’t  a horny gnome who carries a laser gun in his loincloth and drinks unicorn blood from a box. Sigh.

I knew I should have taken that job at TheMouthyDungeonsandDragonsHousewives.com.

But my personal problems aside, there must be something wrong with your boyfriend. Otherwise, why would your mom despise him so? Is he a thief? A con artist? A drinker? A drugger? A performer on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour named Skeeter Juice who tells jokes about raccoon boobies? Seriously, do you have any idea why she might not like him? Because if you don’t, it might be a good idea to sit her down and ask. Perhaps he slighted her years ago and a simple apology is all it’ll take to clear things up.

However, if she actually is completely batshit crazy and has no real reason for disliking him and spreading false rumors, then it’s time for a Come to Jesus talk. Let her know that he’s the most important person in your life and you plan on marrying him whether she approves of it or not. And if she wants you in her life, she’s just going to have to suck it up and deal. I know you don’t want to start a war, but you might have to start a little skirmish just to clear the air. Because right now nothing’s changing in either direction.

Family drama is never fun and I wish you the best of luck with this situation. Hopefully you’ll all come to some kind of resolution and can all peacefully co-exist.

Just like the horny gnomes and unicorns do.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH


5 Responses to “In This Corner, My Mom. And In This Corner, My Boyfriend.”


Comment by Plano Mom.

And has she always been this far out, or just since BF came into the picture? Slander is pretty far toward Pluto. If this is just same old drama, different focus, sure would affect my method of confrontation/communication.

As for being allowed at holidays… why are you going without him? Sometimes the battles end the war.


Comment by Meredith L..

Since I like to think of everything as a movie, I’m going to suggest that maybe your bf is a con man pulling the long game on you, and he keeps bragging to your mother about it behind your back.


P.M. has a good point – has she always been this far out there, or is this new and/or exclusive to your fiance? If it’s the former, then you may need the help of a professional therapist to learn how to cope with her (and suggest she get some help of her own – all joking aside, paranoia and delusions are very real mental problems). If it’s the latter, I think a nice, long sit-down with wine and cookies is in order between you two.

Good luck, girlie.


Comment by I'm a big ol' b with a captial B!.

Why are you humoring her? Why are you going to Christmas parties without him? Why aren’t you hanging up on her the second she starts bad-mouthing him ala, “Mom, I’ve told you if you start talking bad about Phil I”m hanging up. Goodbye. Talk to you when you want to have a nice conversation.”

Seriously, you’re complaining about being treated like a 15 year old but you’re LETTING her treat you like a 15 year old. Stick up for yourself and him. Don’t tolerate it and don’t argue. The worst thing you to your mom is not give her a place to vent–that’s all she wants to do is complain to you. Don’t let her. If you’re consistent, she will very soon realize you won’t put up with her crap and you’ll leave the second she tries to start in on it. So she has a choice, play nice or not see/hear from her daughter.

(Although, if she is seriously nuts, you may want to get her some help.)


Comment by Becky Rice.

I KNEW that Gnomeo and Juliette movie made a greater impression on Wendi than she was letting on to.


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