Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I have a twice-a-month housekeeper (a HUGE luxury on my salary) who did a great job at first, but now she’s seriously slacking. When I first hired her, I went over what I expected. I pick up the house and clean the toilets before she comes because I don’t want her to think I’m a total slob. But the last time she came, I couldn’t even tell she’d been here other than the check I gave her was gone! She left dishes in the sink, trash in the trash cans and the beds unmade. I think she vacuumed, but I’m not sure. The mop was still dry too. I’m not sure WHAT she did. Should I not clean before she comes to make sure she’s actually doing something? Do I let her go via email, or do I call her and review the detailed list of what I expect and give her another chance?
Clean It Like You Mean It
Dear Clean It Like You Mean It,
I can totally relate to your problem because I, too, have the same issues with my slack-job of a cleaning woman. This poor excuse for a housekeeper never makes the beds, uses spit to clean the mirrors, and one memorable time last month, she chugged an entire bottle of hard cider, then shoved five Mr. Clean erasers into her pants so she could dust the credenza with her “boo-tay quake steam machine, yo.”
(Raise your hand if you’re the only person in the room who doesn’t yet realize that I’m my own cleaning woman.)
But yes, as we all know, having a real live housekeeper on your payroll is a true luxury, and therefore you definitely want to get your money’s worth. It sounds like she did an okay job up until recently, so I suggest sending her an email telling her that you aren’t happy with her current performance. Maybe she’s just having some personal issues and needs to be reminded to shape up. However, if that doesn’t work, you should certainly bite the bullet and tell her that she needs to take her Playtex rubber gloves elsewhere. (But don’t have this conversation when she’s holding a bottle of bleach or you may suddenly find yourself a brand-new blonde.)
Finally, what’s up with scrubbing your toilets before the cleaning woman comes? Do you also change your car’s oil before you take it to the mechanic? Wax your own hoo-ha before you go to the salon? Roughly manhandle your own breasts before you get a mammogram? Stick the specul—okay, you get my point. If you’re paying to have your house cleaned, put down the toilet brush, put up your feet and enjoy it, baby.
Because it sure beats spitting on your own mirrors.