07 Aug
Hello, Robbers! I’m On Vacation! Come Steal My Sh*t!

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My family is headed out on vacation in a few weeks. We’ll be gone for 10 days. I told my friends that I would be updating my Facebook with photos from our trip and they all basically said I was an idiot if I did that because I was “just inviting robbers to show up at my house.” I understand their concern, but is this even a big deal anymore? It seems like everyone does it and I don’t ever hear about people getting robbed.


Facebook is Fine


Dear Facebook is Fine,

Remember the good old days? When you’d take a crap camera on your trip to the Grand Canyon, shoot a few rolls of film, come home, drop the film off at the Film Shack, wait a few weeks, drive back over to pick it up, pay $40, discover you left your lens cap on for 3/4 of the photos, drive back home, put the other 1/4 of the photos in an album and then walk over to your friend’s house to show her how fun your trip was?

Man, I miss those days.

Not that I don’t enjoy logging onto Facebook and seeing my son’s third grade teacher posing for a picture in her bikini with the caption, “CABO, BITCHES!!!” because I do. I totally do. And I’ve never once thought about driving over to her house and ransacking her collection of Precious Moments figurines. However, other people may not be as law-abiding as me, so your friends’ concern about someone noticing that you’re on vacation and then robbing you isn’t that far-fetched. There are a lot of freaky, dishonest people in the world and “I’m out of town!” updates on social media make for easy pickings.

Now, I don’t know the in’s and out’s of Facebook very well, but I assume there are privacy settings you can use so only your close friends see your pictures. Look into that. Also, maybe update your status with a few “Wow, those Rottweilers in my backyard sure get hungry! Good thing I have the Russian Mafia checking on them every hour!” That should help keep the bad guys at bay.

Or, hey, here’s a thought: maybe just ENJOY your vacation and don’t post pictures of every single f&$ing meal you eat with “Nom! Nom!” written underneath it. I hate to tell you this, but your friends aren’t waiting with bated breath by their computers for your newest update. They’re really not. But you know what? The guys who steal TVs just might be.

So enjoy your vacation. Take a lot of pictures on your vacation. Relax on your vacation. Then tell us all about your fabulous vacation–when you get back home. I hear the Film Shack is open late.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH

9 Responses to “Hello, Robbers! I’m On Vacation! Come Steal My Sh*t!”


Comment by suburbancorrespondent.

Agreed. Live the vacation, then post all the pictures in a single album on Facebook once you get home. The only exception is if you are a young adult or teen who has gone abroad – then your parents would like to see at least one photo to know that you have arrived at your destination alive. Just do it – it makes them happy.


Comment by Bitsy.

Someone in the next town down the highway from mine was recently caught burglarizing all her facebook friends’ homes while they were on vacation. She had gone to high school with most of them and was only an acquaintance, so I guess she didn’t feel too badly about it. Until she got caught. So, it really does happen.

Muffintopmommy Reply:

I think that’s called a “Frienamy”!!!! Or just bitch. Bitch works, too.


Comment by Tracy @nystoopmama.

I want to throat kick people who say, “Nom nom!”.

Ace Reply:

I love “throat kick” though šŸ™‚


Comment by dusty earth mother.

You just brought a tear to my eye with the mention of Film Shack. I can’t tell you how many tender moments were spent outside the ‘Shack, wondering whose pictures I was looking at, because I knew SURELY I wasn’t the idiot who took 300 nighttime photos with no flash.


Comment by Meredith L..

What is your address, when will you be gone, and where do you keep the good liquor?

Danielle Reply:

All important questions!

I’ll accept bad liquor as well.


Comment by Danielle.

Seriously great advice here. Face it letter writer. You aren’t that interesting. Stop posting everything online!

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