It’s that time again! We bid farewell to the old year, greet the new and make resolutions that are both unrealistic and unattainable! 2012 is going to be huge!
This year we’re putting our Mouthy Housewives twist on it by offering some of our personal New Years Resolutions and we hope that writing them down will make us stick to them. Out of fear of public mocking, if nothing else. So let’s go:
In 2012, Marinka resolves to:
Stop saying 44 is the new 27! And not just because she’ll turn 44 and 12 months in 2012.
Acknowledge that she will never be able to say “dope” “phat” “ya’ll” “beyach” or any other word that’s not indigenous to her.
Ease up on the “I’m sort of a vegan” proclamations. Especially while fondling a BigMac.
Wendi resolves to:
Finally tell the mean wench in her neighborhood that if she’s going to wear a tennis skirt every day, she should at least own a mothereffin’ racket.
Stop pronouncing “self-deprecating” like “self-depreeciating.”
Cook one entire meal that doesn’t involve either a) the microwave or b) a powder packet or c) sobbing by a family member.
Continue to look like Tracey Gold’s DUI mugshot because that’s just hot.
Tonya resolves to:
Stop trying to convince salespeople their jeans are defective due to the massive excess “skinnage” that is created when she forces herself into a size 4. (She could wear a size 4! You don’t know!)
Cease and desist all efforts to contact, hang out with, and, or, become BFFs with Lindsay Lohan. Probably.
Find a better place to hide the bodies. The folks at CVS are starting to pay more attention to their freezer section.
Amp up her total “Gangsta” image with a stint on the inside. Or, at least, just say she did a nickel.
Kristine resolves to:
Finally get around to canceling that gym membership!
Read more. Starting with her bank statements. And maybe OK! Magazine.
Spend more quality time with the children. And probably bathe them more frequently, because holy cow, kids stink.
To order less sushi. Because she has a kitchen. With a stove and stuff.
To go to bed earlier so she can be less cranky during the day. Because it’s not necessary to be up at 12:30 am comparing prices on flights to Paris. Because she’s not going to Paris. For a very long time.
To be a little more kind to her husband. Because saying things like, “How is it possible that you still don’t know what the kids eat for lunch?! Seriously, HOW IS IT POSSIBLE?!” is apparently not loving.
Please share your New Year’s Resolutions with us. We can be strong together in the New Year!