22 Feb
Baby, It’s Cold Outside, So I’m Stuffing My Face

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

How do I reconcile my desire to remain svelte with my dead-of-winter need to snack snack snack because it’s so gray and dull and snowy and cold and generally depressing outside? I totally disagree with Kate Moss, by the way: there are MANY foods that taste better than skinny feels. However, there is very little that feels good about catching a glimpse of my jiggling rear view as I get into the shower in the morning. Especially since just two short months ago, I finally (after more than a year of work) hit my target weight.

Got any tips on how to make it until spring without regretting the fact that I already donated my fat pants?

You can sign me,

Craving Chocolate in Michigan (and it’s starting to show…)


Dear Craving Chocolate in Michigan,

Your question deserves a lot of high-level scientific answers that I shall now proceed to give you in a rather half-assed, incoherent and drunk fashion. (Editor’s Note: Please be advised that Wendi has never gotten above a C- in any class that ends in “-ology.” Not even Cosmetology.)

Here we go!

1. Your impulse to stuff your piehole is simply because of your evolutionary history. See, according to a NOVA episode I once watched when I hit my head and couldn’t find the remote control, a human’s DNA is programmed to pack on the pounds whenever it gets really cold outside; that way we’re too fat for the dinosaurs to eat. Thank you for the thunder thighs, hairy cavemen ancestors! You rock!

2. Another smarty, science-y reason for your eating binge could be that the gloomy, gray weather makes your brain chemicals sad. πŸ™ That means your neurons (?) then start firing and demand that you immediately inhale a sleeve of Thin Mints so your head can quickly fill up with the happy juices of dopamine and seratonin and cumin. Yay, medicinal chocolate!

3. Finally, as any member of the Donner party could tell you, the longer you’re trapped in the house with other people, the more they start resembling cheeseburgers and fries.

Therefore, my advice to you is to remove all of the high-calorie, unhealthy food from your house post haste. Donate it to a food pantry or a skinny neighbor whose figure you want to ruin out of spite. Then put on your tightest pants and stock up on smart, healthy food and exercise DVDs that you’ll actually use. Sweat your ass off to the Oldies, baby.

It won’t be easy to say “no” to yummy treats, but if you want to stay at your goal weight, you’re going to have to summon up all your will power and remain strong. (Just like I did when I successfully broke my 50 Red Vines a day habit.) Because while a lot of things might taste as good as skinny feels when it’s 20 degrees outside, they’re probably going to taste like shit when it’s 80 degrees and you’re hiding under a towel at the pool wishing you’d stuck to your guns.

Good luck!

Wendi, TMH

7 Responses to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside, So I’m Stuffing My Face”


Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

I totally agree with Wendi and, having been on a diet for almost 3 years, I also totally understand our friend Craving Chocolate.
What I usually do when a hunger attack seizes me, is think that my body, which used to be obeyed when it asked for extra calories, is now having tantrums when I don’t treat it to snacks anymore.
So I behave like I would to a child: try to ignore the tantrums by engaging myself in some other activity. This could be a manicure, ironing, tidying up a drawer… anything that takes my mind off boredom and hunger.
It gets easier as time passes.
I also OCCASIONALLY give my body a treat, say once a week, but no more, and as I know that this will be the only treat in the whole week, I just ask myself if I really want to have it now, or if it would be better to save it for a needier situation… πŸ˜‰

Good luck, my sister in arms!!! πŸ˜€


Comment by hokgardner.

Great answer!

Plus, the benefit of exercise is that it gets those same happy brain chemicals firing, but there’s no guilt afterwards like there would be if you’d eaten all the girl scout cookies in the house.


Comment by annie.

Geez – I wish I’d have read this before I had 4 choc. chip cookies for breakfast. Oh well.


Comment by vodka tonic.

I’m a Southern California transplant from Michigan. And I can assure you, those cravings are entirely weather-related. I’m at my lowest weight in my life, and it’s not just because everyone seems to have plastic surgery out here.
Back in crummy Michigan winter days, I stumbled into a tanning booth, afflicted with self-diagnosed SAD. I slathered up with SPF50 and got my 4 min of light therapy once or twice per week. It worked. It perked me up and made me feel like just making a nice salad for dinner. Of course, you could get one of those light boxes, but the tanning booth was cheaper, and the strip down was motivating, too.


Comment by Jillylivi.

The trick to being thin is to take off that double down and freeze your ass off while drinking a bottle o wine, so you don’t feel anything. At least, that’s the way we do it here in the mountains.


Comment by dusty earth mother.

Excellent neuron (?) firing, Wendi. And Desperate DW, the tantrum thing is brilliant!

Desperate Dietwives Reply:

Thanks! πŸ˜€

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