21 Dec
Holiday Cleaning Fun

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I really love the holidays, but I hate all the cleaning I have to do around the house to prepare for visitors. Any suggestions of how I can make holiday cleaning less of a chore?

Signed,

Dirty Elf

____________________

Dear Dirty Elf,

I’m not sure why you even bothered writing in to us when the answer to your problem is so glaringly obvious:

Set your house on fire.

Duh.

OK, not really, but why don’t you just not host this year? Make your single sister take a turn and entertain the family in her 400 square foot studio apartment. Or rent out the back room at some pizza parlor where $6/hour employees will have to clean up the puke and tinsel. Or better yet, just have everyone stay home and you can Skype your holiday celebration.

No? Not ringing your sleigh bells? Then how about asking your family for help when it’s time to clean. (FYI: “Asking for help” includes demanding a maid service.) If everybody pitches in, it should be done in no time flat. As an example, give your children bathroom cleaning duty, the husband mopping duty, and assign yourself liquor cabinet dusting duty. That way you can both clean, plan and sample which cocktail concoctions you’ll serve. The more thorough job you do at this, the quicker time passes. Probably because you’re intoxicated, but if you’ve delegated the cleanings duties correctly, the rest of the family will be too busy to notice.

Of course, you could also just relax and realize that your holiday guests are coming to see YOU and not your vaccummed carpets. And that’s the best present of all, isn’t it?

Sincerely,

Wendi, TMH

7 Responses to “Holiday Cleaning Fun”

12.21.10#1

Comment by GrandeMocha.

Or hire a cleaning crew.

StephanieG Reply:

You could do what I did this weekend – pile all of the family’s laundry into baskets and bags, and throw a fit as you slam out the door to the laudrymat. Use the phrase “it sucks to be a grownup!” This is especially effective if you own your own washer and dryer, as I do.

The point I was making is that I will spend the next 3 hours and at least 40 dollars washing, drying, and folding laundry, then come home to a house that’s still filthy because you made me fire the maids.

3 hours and $40 later, the clothes are washed and folded, and when I came in with them, the kitchen was cleaned, the dishwasher running, the den had been picked up, and all the carpets had been vacuumed.

By washing at the coin-op instead of home, I bought myself a bunch of hours to spend on housecleaning. Turns out, it was time and money well spent!

Instead of cleaning the kitchen, I poured myself a glass of wine, sat in my chair, and enjoyed my nice clean den.

Good luck with your cleaning, and with your celebration.

Plano Mom Reply:

Well done, oh master.

12.21.10#2

Comment by Yuliya.

“your guests are coming to see you and not your vacuumed carpets”…
What kind of non-judgmental family do YOU have? Ans where can I get one?

Wendi Reply:

🙂

11.08.12#3

Comment by I Hate Cleaning | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] different situation on our hands (and one that I would gladly pass off to my sister wife Wendi, the Mouthy in Charge of Cleanliness is Next to Godliness), but since your question is merely whether it’s ok for you to hire someone to do a job that […]

11.17.12#4

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