Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I really love the holidays, but I hate all the cleaning I have to do around the house to prepare for visitors. Any suggestions of how I can make holiday cleaning less of a chore?
Dear Dirty Elf,
I’m not sure why you even bothered writing in to us when the answer to your problem is so glaringly obvious:
Set your house on fire.
OK, not really, but why don’t you just not host this year? Make your single sister take a turn and entertain the family in her 400 square foot studio apartment. Or rent out the back room at some pizza parlor where $6/hour employees will have to clean up the puke and tinsel. Or better yet, just have everyone stay home and you can Skype your holiday celebration.
No? Not ringing your sleigh bells? Then how about asking your family for help when it’s time to clean. (FYI: “Asking for help” includes demanding a maid service.) If everybody pitches in, it should be done in no time flat. As an example, give your children bathroom cleaning duty, the husband mopping duty, and assign yourself liquor cabinet dusting duty. That way you can both clean, plan and sample which cocktail concoctions you’ll serve. The more thorough job you do at this, the quicker time passes. Probably because you’re intoxicated, but if you’ve delegated the cleanings duties correctly, the rest of the family will be too busy to notice.
Of course, you could also just relax and realize that your holiday guests are coming to see YOU and not your vaccummed carpets. And that’s the best present of all, isn’t it?