19 Apr
Tick Tock Goes My Biological Clock, But My Husband Wants to Wait

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I am 24 years old and my husband is 28. We have been together for 5 1/2 years and married for 5 months. We are both college grads with well paying jobs, good cars and a nice house. I am ready to have a baby-I’ve got the fever! My husband is not ready yet. He wants to wait another year or two. I could give you 10 million reasons why I want a baby, but as women I am sure you know them all!

I work from home, and lately I have been reading pre-natal health books, pinning nursery ideas, researching baby names and pricing out nursery furniture and safe car seats.

What do I do!?!?!?!?! How can I get him to want a baby as much as I do?

Sincerely,

Tick Tock

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Dear Tick Tock,

Oh, girl. You’ve got baby fever and you’ve got it bad! Unfortunately, it’s not a contagious disease, so I don’t think your husband will catch it, but I do have some medicine that might help reduce your symptoms:

1. Search colicky baby on YouTube.

2. Ask a friend with a toddler if you can babysit, then take the kid to the playground with a toy stroller. Watch other toddlers try to play with the stroller. Try to get them to take turns. [Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh!]

3. Take a five year old to Chuck E. Cheese in the middle of the day on a Saturday. Do not bring earplugs — no cheating! Try not to think about all the germs in that habitrail-like crawl space thing that probably never gets cleaned by anyone.

But seriously, what’s the rush? You’re only 24, you’ve only been married for 5 months, and your husband isn’t saying he’s not sure he wants kids, he just wants to wait a couple of years (maybe even less). I have to say, I think that is totally reasonable. Have fun! Revel in that first year of marriage. Enjoy the freedom of being able to go out on a whim (babysitting is super-expensive, yo), travel places with only a carry-on, spend a weekend binge-watching Friday Night Lights, make last minute plans at least once a week, and for heaven’s sake SLEEP!!!! Seriously, I would almost pay you good money to sleep and then report back to me about what it was like. Almost.

Look, I get it. I’ve been where you are. It turns out 8-month-olds in fleece-y buntings are my kryptonite — they look so snuggly, and they’re at that yummy stage where they are just starting to show their personalities after months of just eating, pooping and sleeping, and you just know their necks are sooooo soft and smell sooooo good and ZOMGZ!! Just thinking about it almost makes me want to go for a third. Almost. But having a baby is just the beginning, and while becoming a parent is life-changing and amazing and full of joy, it also has intense moments of stress that can test even the strongest of marriages.

So, my advice is for you to take a breath, put down the baby books, live in the moment, and maybe revisit the idea on your one year anniversary…perhaps while wearing some racy lingerie.

Sincerely,

Karen, TMH

 

 

10 Responses to “Tick Tock Goes My Biological Clock, But My Husband Wants to Wait”

04.19.13#1

Comment by Steph.

Please listen to Karen’s superb advice. Enjoy this stage of your life. Once you have a baby, your life changes forever. I love my children more than my own life. I am also grateful that my husband and I were married for several years before we had them so we could build a strong foundation. Wishing you precious babies in the future:)

04.19.13#2

Comment by Kim R.

I was in your exact position when I found out I was pregnant with our first (ages, circumstances, 5 months married) and although I do not regret my sweet child (now 5.5 years old), I agree with everything Karen said. I wish I had experienced life with my husband for a few years before we became mommy and daddy. Once you move into that mode, life (or your marriage) will never be the same again! Borrow a baby to cuddle and spoil and give back, and then yes, yes, sleep in; take a midday nap, have a cocktail at 2pm.

04.19.13#3

Comment by Cherie.

Good advice TMH, I concur to put down the baby books and put your energy somewhere else in this moment. When you and your hubby are on the same page it will be a wonderful experience.

04.19.13#4

Comment by mom of teens.

Please listen to these wise women. You are only 24 and while I’m sure you think it’s a great idea to be a young mom and dad, step back and breathe for a minute. Instead of planning for a baby, plan a vacation, with your husband or girlfriends or with another couple. Take time to enjoy your life, right now with your husband. Babies are great, but babies grow up and become little people and then teens and then they are adults… and the time flies by.

04.19.13#5

Comment by deathstar.

Are any of your friends having babies? It seems exciting, and it is for about six months and then you realize that you never get a day off. Seriously. Plan something wonderful for you and your lovely husband – pick a place you’ve never been before and go on a vacation. Go to Europe or the South Pacific and relax in one of those cabins that float on water.

In the meanwhile, take child first aid courses, babysit for your friends, and start an education fund. There’s nothing like budget planning to prove to everyone that you are serious.

04.21.13#6

Comment by Lisa G.

Marriage is about joining two lives, not molding someone to fit your life. Stop putting energy into trying to change your husband and put your energy into learning to be married, to compromise, to figure out a way you can both have what you want.

And from your description, you don’t really want a baby, you want a toy, a hobby. You are caught up in all the fun stuff – decorating! – not in the realities of how your life will forever be Before & After. You sound like a teenager waiting for a guy to ask her to prom. Slow down, grow up some more.

04.24.13#7

Comment by Pat.

Totally agree with the advice and comments given to you – you have all the time in the world.

Your clock is ticking but crickey, you’re in your 20’s. Take your time and enjoy life; enjoy the ability to do things spontaneously – get in a car and just go; hop on a plane and travel; just head out the door without a second thought.

Relax, breathe, smell the roses.

04.24.13#8

Comment by Roshni.

I’m doing the maniacal laugh now! I’ve two incredible, adorable boys, but I would LOVE to have one night with my husband sitting in a fancy restaurant, picking at my food, swilling wine and chatting for at least an hour without interruption (except, could I refill your glass, Ma’am?!)!

04.26.13#9

Comment by sisterfunkhaus.

Trust me when I say don’t rush it. We waited 8 years and it was the best choice we ever made. We took the time to just enjoy each other. Kids are such a huge responsibility. And, having a baby is not the same as having a child. Those babies grow up and throw tantrums and become snarky pre-pubescent tween turds (can you tell which phase we are in????)

10.30.13#10

Comment by Shocked.

Wow. I am seriously shocked. I cannot believe I just read 8 response to the OP, and not one of you ladies could relate to where she was coming from??? Really? All of your advice is just to wait… enjoy sleeping in and drinking… babysit? Let me tell you, when you are at the point that we are doing things like that makes you want to laugh. Those are so, so much less meaningful and unrewarding than being a parent. And whats more, is I bet you that if someone offered to take those beautiful babies of yours off your hands for two years so you could sleep in, drink and babysit someone else’s kids, you would laugh in their face. I am so sad that not one of you could understand where Tick Tock was coming from.

Tick Tock, I relate. I have the fever. But all joking aside, I want to be a mother and I want to care for a family and enjoy my relationship with my husband in new ways. I have slept in, partied and shared 5 wonderful years with the man I love, just the two of us. Now I want more. My husband and I agreed we wanted kids before we got married. He would joke about having them all the time while we were engaged. Then about 5 months after our wedding I asked him seriously. He said maybe in 1 or 1.5 years we could start TRYING! I was shocked. I was ready a year ago! I understand and agree that it should be a mutual choice, but I just can’t help feeling jipped. I have to put my wants and desires on hold until he is ready and I am not allowed to feel disappointed or like thats not fair? What happened to, its a mutual choice? From where I am standing he has all the say. Besides, as women we have to carry the child and give birth. Its no secret that the older you are the harder that is on your body. Shouldn’t that come into play? Also, he has no real reason for wanting to wait, no really, he cannot come up with one good reason. Just that it sounds like a good time. I could understand if in a year something was going to change, but nothing is… we have the money, we are not moving, we are not in school, we have amazing benefits… nothing is going to significantly improve the timing. I just don’t understand…. Look there is no easy way to handle it for either party. But lets all be a little more understanding, especially when you already have the one thing we are dying for.

Still,

Shocked

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