09 Jul
My Space the “real” version

Dear TMH,

I’m working on my 3rd husband, this one will work I know it. He’s 57 and I’m 47, my past husbands have been a little younger…. cougar is such an ugly word. Anyway, I want to get married but I don’t really want to live in the same house. He has his own house and I really love my little bungalow. Is that wrong? I really love him, and I really want to get married, I do, but sharing space…. I like MY space.

Signed,

Liz In Training

__________________________________________________

Dear Liz in Training:

I would have to agree that this being   your third husband, you truly are on your way to being the next Liz…Taylor, that is, and if you happen to have a predilection for prescription painkillers, then I would say you’re just four husbands, a line of your own perfume and a 100 million dollar jewelry collection away from making that a true reality.

I feel compelled to remind you that I am the one housewife in the group who is divorced, so when you ask me if it’s a good idea to keep a separate residence from your new husband, you have to believe that I would give you a resounding “Why wouldn’t you?” I would also suggest you get yourself a pre-nuptial agreement and a detective to make sure his mother is either dead, or too demented to get between you two, but you didn’t ask me about that so I’ll try and stay focused on the actual question.

I love having my space.   Problem is I   share that space with my 5-year-old, so now when I need my “alone time” I have to go inside my closet which is so messy, even she is afraid to go in there.   I think that if you have a child and you are happily married, it would be in the best interests of said child that the two of you share a home together. Trust me when I say nothing is worse than having to run over to his place because your kid is insisting she won’t go to sleep without “Doggy’ her stuffed, yes you guessed it, DOG that she took to her dad’s the other night and it is the only one of   the 1400 other stuffed animals on her shelf that can comfort her enough to help her fall asleep.

On a practical note, you might want to reconsider the cost of maintaining two separate homes.   Two light bills, two gas bills, phone bills, cable bills, etc, etc, can really add up.   Sit down and tally together just how much you’d save by living under the same roof. You’ll likely find enough money left over would allow you both to take separate vacations should his refusal to put his laundry in the hamper and you, the cap back on the toothpaste,   become unbearable to the point where being in the same hemisphere would be considered too close.

If you do decide to remain in separate residences, I would just make sure that all the “messy” activities take place in his house.   If he gets all, “why can’t we do this crap at your place?” then have him call here. They can whip his home back into shape in no time, and I heard they’ll offer to spray the couch with Lavender at no extra charge. If that doesn’t appeal to him, ask these people if they can spray “strip bar” or “inside of a golf bag” or any other scent that he would find familiar. Just remember, no matter what, if he ever shows up at your door carrying glitter, do not open it.

Hope it all works out.

Love,

Jessica     TMH

12 Responses to “My Space the “real” version”

07.09.09#1

Comment by The Laughing Idiot.

Hubby actually works with a guy who’s wife lives a whole state away. They’ve NEVER lived together, she comes to visit every couple of weeks & seems to be working swimmingly. None the less, I think it’s weird.

07.09.09#2

Comment by Jen.

This whole thing begs the question, why marry the guy in the first place? If you want to keep a separate home then perhaps the desire to actually be committed to the guy as far as marriage is concerned is questionable.

07.09.09#3

Comment by Inna.

I like sharing my space with my fiance. I already feel like the marriage is just a signature step anyways. But I think different things work for different people. If you wanna have separate residencies, then go for it!

07.09.09#4

Comment by Amo.

Okay, glitter?! WTF?

07.09.09#5

Comment by Erin.

Now see, I’m happily married for the second time, but am wondering if hubby and daughter would let me have my own place…hmm.

07.09.09#6

Comment by Aludra.

I am happily married for the first time, and successfully begged for my own personal bedroom. Compromises were made of course. I still have to sleep in ‘our’ bedroom at night, but I get to nap on the bed in the office – aka my bedroom any time I like. Which works out well since Hubby can play WoW while I sleep peacefully, sprawled out and able to kick my legs freely without any toe stubbing.

07.09.09#7

Comment by Big Momma D.

Amo, I was asking myself the same question. Glad you said it first.

If we all had the means to keep 2 separate homes (and there were no trust issues)I think most of us would jump at the chance. You could still have sleepovers, and you’d never feel he married you to just to have someone to cook and clean for him. Can you tell I’ve been happily divorced for 24 years? Having said that, I still think that a real marriage requires being together in one home, sharing the good and the bad and putting up with one another’s idiosyncracies. I have seen a “marriage” where the spouses lived on different continents. Inconceivable, but true.

07.09.09#8

Comment by Kay.

Married forever (ok, 13 years) and love the husband to death. Kids and dogs too… but what I wouldn’t give some days for a little cottage (even just in the damn backyard) that’s ALL mine.
Hmmm… I’m short. I wonder if one of those kiddy playhouse things would be a good idea to put on my Christmas list??? I’m sure hubby would love it, too.

07.09.09#9

Comment by admin.

The glitter thing is a pet peeve of mine because it gets on everything and impossible to get it off everything. That’s why.

07.09.09#10

Comment by Andrea's Sweet Life.

Make a pro/con list of why get married? If the only thing on the pro list is being able to check that little box that says “married”, I’d say dating is freaking awesome for you.

07.09.09#11

Comment by Silvered Wolf Momma.

After reading this and a few of the other comments, I have to be honest. My second marriage, I was seriously considering my own place. Ironically, it’s ending in divorce and this was years after I suggested it. He was very offended I would consider my own place. Have you considered HIS feelings on this? The cost of living probably won’t go up greatly, since you’ve both been paying your own way (I’m guessing) but Big Momma D. is right, you’d save money and if you do love him as much as you say you do, why not move in? It’s not any of my business, but how long have you known each other? There will be um, ‘quirks’ that will pop up along the way over the years and I agree vacations alone are a great suggestion if you HAVE to get away. I may consider making my own private pirate play house in the backyard complete with Jolly Roger! I liked the thought of hiding out in a playhouse as Kay posted. =-D

07.09.09#12

Comment by s2sparksy.

Good God am I glad I live with boys! Unless something vears off path in high-school, I don’ see glitter in my future. Happily married with two households, but we live in both of them all together. City house and country house. LOTS to maintain – make sure your up for an organizational never-ending triathalon.

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