Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I had confided in my friend a few months ago and it’s pretty obvious that she shared what I told her with her husband. I feel hurt and betrayed and embarrassed and like my friendship with her is over.
Is it worth trying to repair it or do you think once the trust is gone, it’s gone forever?
Dear Don’t Blab,
Oh, friends and their husbands, don’t get me started.
I once had a friend who told me that she had a “no secrets” policy with her spouse, which apparently meant that she told him every bit of information she had gathered throughout the day. I was confused by such a thing, but also took it as a fair warning that if I were talking to her, he would eventually get the information. I hope you can appreciate how difficult it was for me to plan his surprise party.
But I appreciated her letting me know. Because if my confidence was going to be shared with Mr. Friend, I had the right to decide what I talked to her about. And it definitely tempered our discussions to topics like weather, kids today, and those bozos in D.C.
Your situation is obviously different because you had no idea that you would be betrayed. Which is pretty much the worst kind of surprise there is. But before we cross-stitch a scarlet B for Blabbermouth on your friend’s spring tunic, you need to make sure that she did, in fact, tell her husband. Is it possible that she did not? Is it possible that he knows this information from another source (it’s not too late to suspect other friends!) Or maybe he doesn’t know the confidence at all, but was alluding to something else entirely?
Either way, talk to your friend. Explain what your expectations are and how hurt you would be if she were to share the things you told her with anyone else.
If she did betray your trust, you’ll have to decide if your friendship can survive it; and if it can, whether it will change how much you share with her.
But give her a chance. Making new friends is so time consuming. Maybe she did nothing wrong. Maybe she will change her ways. Maybe she’ll have some great gossip about someone else to distract you with.