Comment by Emily.

did you need someone to say that they understand your feelings?

I understand. That is a very difficult position to be in. Go with your gut. Do what gives you the most peace.

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Comment by Shaundra.

Amen. Very well put Kelcey…

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Comment by Carla.

I was 10 when my father told me he was gay. I had already known. Trust me, your 9 year old knows what being gay means.

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Comment by Bean.

Well said. Personally, I believe healthy happy relationships should be celebrated, period. Life’s too long and challenging to have to go through it alone.

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Comment by I'm a big ol' b with a captial B!.

What happened to the reset of the comments? There were about 25 yesterday.

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Comment by Lisa.

Wanting to have different laws for different citizens, based on YOUR religious views is:

A) Unconstitutional
B) Bigoted
C) All of the above

I don’t care what your church or preacher tells you. There has been church-sanctioned bigotry since the dawn of the church. That doesn’t make it right. How about all of us Christians ACT like Christ asked us and not condemn others?

Or now about all of us Americans ACT like Americans and follow the Constitutuion that states Congress shall enact no law establishing a religion?

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Comment by Momof4Luds.

This whole question wasn’t here yesterday – and now it is, apparently sans comments. did someone get nasty?

BTW – great answer, Kelcey.

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Comment by Jamie.

“I do not believe in gay marriage. And I am extremely uncomfortable having my children be ‘forced’ into celebrating this. I truly do support gay rights but I don’t want this thrust upon my kids.”

Wait, wait, wait. You support gay rights but don’t support gay marriage? As a gay person, I’m afraid not believing in my right to marry makes me feel like you don’t “truly” support my rights…love is love. Why does it have to be more complex than that?

Don’t go–that way your children won’t be “forced” into celebrating that union, and besides, your cousin deserves to be surrounded by people who support and love her no matter who she’s choosing to spend the rest of her life with.

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Comment by Stephanie.

Yeah I would have to disagree… leave the kids with a babysitter. If you are already uncomfortable with it, imagine how those wee little sponge brains will feel. I don’t support gay marriage either, and have never and will never have gay friends, but i know one day my kids will ask why mary has 2 dads (or moms) and I will have to explain to them not only WHY there are 2 same sex parents, but also about how you should be more supportive towards mary because kids will always look at her weird, REGARDLESS of it “being part of our culture.”

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Comment by Lindsey.

I would stay home, don’t expose the kiddos to homosexuality for as long as you can!

I am also very, very sorry that you have a homosexual cousin. There is always that black sheep in the family!

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Comment by Erika.

With all due respect (to everyone), if you take them with you, you might as well explain to them all the facts about AIDS too… We all know that being gay and HIV/AIDS go hand in hand.

Sounds like you have a tough decision to make. I do not envy you, but wish you the best!

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Comment by TheAvasmommy.

2012 and people are still using “Think of the children” to disguise hatred and bigotry. Shameful.

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Comment by tracey.

You know what is interesting to me? This person probably has no problem with forcing her children to go to church or temple… I’m just making an assumption here, but a lot of people see no issue with forced religious education, but have major issues with lifestyles that are different than their own.

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Comment by Suzy.

First of all, great post, Kelcey. Second of all, one of my straight girlfriends has HIV and plays in clubs all over the country. She is not the only straight person who contracted HIV.

As to the imbeciles who are narrow minded, hate-filled and “trying to protect the children” I hope you’re lucky enough to have a child who is gay.

And if you do, and if you reject them, then you’re a piece of shit.

(I really have to learn how to speak my mind.)

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Comment by Alexandra.

THe comments from the haters, so hurtful, and not needed in this world.

What is going on, people?

Whatever you believe, be ye kind.

And love one another.

Encourage and uphold one another.

Please.

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Comment by Muffintopmommy.

I think my friend really said it best regarding gay marriage….”Yes, yes, I believe in gay marriage. Let them get married and be miserable like the rest of us!” That is equal opportunity, no?

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Comment by sisterfunkhaus.

It won’t hurt the kids a bit. My child is 9 and knows all about it and understands it just fine. She has seen gay people together and thinks nothing of it. You are the one with the hang ups. Make this an opportunity to make sure your children are free of those prejudices.

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Comment by Wendi.

I don’t get how you can support gay rights, but not gay marriage. What I always say to people who don’t want gays to get married is, “How does that affect YOU? Why do you even care?” Seriously, live and let live.

If anyone’s destroying the institution of marriage, it’s the celebrities Kelcey mentioned.

Great advice.

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Comment by clio.

Ahem, I’m going to really try to reign myself in the best I can here, but I can’t see how you fail to see your own hypocrisy when you say you support gay rights while simultaneously being against gay marriage. Marriage? That’d be a right. Straight people have it and gay people have it in enlightened places.
And you seem to be forgetting that you are the adult here, not your girls. You’ve made the decision to attend the celebration of your cousin and HER WIFE. So then, aren’t you the one “forcing” this celebration of love and equality on your girls? Certainly no one else is.
The impression I’m getting is that most of your family are likely highly supportive of your cousin and HER WIFE and you perhaps don’t want to be perceived as a biggot for dissaproving of their marriage but now you’re worried that your cousin and HER WIFE’s perfectly legal, apparently happy relationship will somehow taint your children?

Way to support those gay rights.

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Comment by Lindsey.

Regardless of what your beliefs are (whether you say them or not) the tone of today’s world and a progressive socitey is one of tolerance. She would be doing her kids a serious disservice by not teaching them such a valuable life skill (tolerance).

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Comment by Marta.

Well put Kelcey!

Honestly there is no way that the writer supports gay rights given everything she said.

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Comment by @MryJhnsn from iNeedaPlaydate.

I think, in a way, this writer is brave for (in an anonymous way) to come out about her hang ups. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to told something all your life is wrong and now be expected to accept it. In her, own way, I truly believe that this woman is trying to get past her prejudice and should not be brow beaten for it, no matter how wrong her thinking is. And I hope she takes her kids to the celebration – if only for the cake.

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Comment by annie.

I’m still waiting to hear how you support gay rights?

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Comment by Kristine.

Nailed it, Kelcey!

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Comment by Marie.

No one could have said it better. Also, the comments (most of them) are right on.

In our home, we respect other people’s decisions and talk freely and openly about loving someone. It doesn’t matter who loves who, it just matters that there’s love.

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Comment by kokopuff.

Great response. But you forgot the wonderful example Kim Kardashian set for the straight world: 72 days, right?

Note to Be Gay: You CAN NOT be in favor of gay rights if you don’t believe gays should be allowed to be married. THERE IS NOT OTHER WAY TO LOOK AT THIS.

So stop making yourself seem less bigoted than you are. NOT WORKING.

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Comment by Tonya.

You know who is really destroying the bond of marriage? Newt Gingrich.
Certainly NOT 2 women or men who live each other unconditionally! Great advice Kelcey!

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Comment by Plano Mom.

What if your cousin were getting a divorce, and having a party celebrating her divorce and introducing the new man in her life? Would you still allow your children to go?

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Comment by Just Me.

There were a lot of similar feelings in 1967 when the supreme court ruled that it was legal for whites and blacks to intermarry. Ironically, this did not destroy the institution of marriage either. And all of the progressive, non-bigoted people who believed in black rights but felt that intermarriage was just wrong? They survived just fine. Funny how history repeats itself.

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Comment by Chele.

Good one. Couldn’t have said it better. That is a very thinly veiled attempt to appear to not be a hypocrite while asking for permission to ram bigotry down her children’s throats.

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Comment by Angie Uncovered.

Perhaps you’re not as okay with it as you’d like everyone to believe. If your children don’t understand what “gay” is, then perhaps you need to stop labeling their relationship with their sexuality. Surely your kids could understand the concept of loving someone. At their ages an in depth conversation regarding the mechanics of sexually active homosexual relationships is not necessary.

All that being said… “just not around my children” says it all. It’s their party, not yours. Don’t go.

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Comment by Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac.

Kelcey, you have incredible tact. Well said.

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Comment by Meredith L..

I highly recommend the documentary, “For the Bible Tells Me So,” available on Netflix DVD or streaming. The letter writer can see for herself what happens when families do not, will not, and simply can not support their LGBT loved ones.

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Comment by rojopaul.

Is this what you call “being tolerant?” The whole discussion seems a little one-sided to me.

Calling someone a bigot because they have a differing view is actually quite bigoted.

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Comment by Suebob.

When I was a little kid, my favorite cousin was my cousin Jim. He was smart and witty and lived in Nice, France, which seemed so amazing and exotic to me. When I found out that his partner wasn’t a lady, but an Italian guy named Marino, I thought that was cool, because I knew how cool Jim was. Kids take things in stride when they love people, unlike some adults.

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Comment by Megan.

I didnt find out a relative was gay until high school, where i just told my mom oh,ok. And went on with it.
They already understand gay if they are that old. However, if you CANNOT go and be able to be a part of the celebration, you should reconsider going.
Since she is family, regardless of your stance you should consider being supportive. Because you love family no matter what is a great lesson to teach your kids!

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Comment by Loukia.

I love Marinka. And everyone here who supports basic human rights. And people who don’t judge others. And people who recognize loving another human being regardless of sex is normal. And seriously. There are massive, massive problems on this earth. Csn we focus of fixing the problems? Like the fact that an innocent Canadian (me!) was charged $2775.00 for a 10 minute doctor’s visit when I was in Florida last week? That = issue. Gay marriage = non-issue. Hollywood marriage = annoying issue. Okay, I’m done.

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Comment by Hip2Housewife.

Well said Mom101. Tolerance does not mean supporting bigotry disguised as advocacy of gay rights. Tolerance does not mean countenancing a letter writer or commenter openly discriminating against gay people – and teaching their children to do the same.

Tolerance and acceptance are not the same thing. I can tolerate differing opinions. I can tolerate healthy debate. But I cannot accept that two people loving each other and finding happiness is in any way wrong, or unworthy of celebration.

We deny convicted criminals the right to their freedom, the right to vote, the right to decide when to eat, shower, sleep. But we allow them the right to marry as a basic human right.
Should gay people be allowed any less?

That isn’t politics – it’s basic human decency.

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Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.

If you haven’t had an open-minded conversation with your children about the different types of relationships that exist in our world, I wouldn’t take them to the wedding. That said, as the person responsible for shaping the adult they become, you should have that conversation. But remember that kids are born with an innate ability to love and accept everyone. Even Barney, which is really a hard thing to get behind. Don’t fuck that up – it’s a gift they come in with.

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Comment by VG.

Amen! If they want it, let them have it! It doesn’t bother me whether 2 men or 2 women are married. They deserve to be just as jaded as the rest of us
This topic comes up in our home (my hubby LIVES for discussions of current events) and we tend to but heads on the issue, but what I tell him is, if it doesn’t directly affect me, then I don’t care. Who am I to “poo poo” on someone else happiness?

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Comment by hokgardner.

My kids’ aunt is gay, and she has lived with her partner for years (because we’re in Texas they can’t be legally married). We’ve always just treated it as a matter of fact that they’re together – like their other aunts and uncles who are married. When they’ve asked why Aunt P and Aunt S aren’t married, we explain that the law says they can’t be. To which the answer is always, “Well that’s stupid.”

Out of the mouths of babes.

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Comment by Peajaye.

Hey, I’m gay and I have some thoughts on this!
Hey, I’m gay and I have some thoughts on this!
(Soapbox, please…)

First off, to Kelcey – very nice reply.

Second off, to “Be Gay…” – I honestly get what you’re saying and how you’re feeling. In fact, I just had a conversation with my sister about this very issue. She didn’t want to go to a gay wedding of a co-worker but was feeling pressured from other co-workers to attend.

The main reason she didn’t want to go was that the wedding was like 200 miles away. But the other reason was that she doesn’t “believe” in gay marriage either.

I think the word “marriage” is a very loaded one, and can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. A Muslim might think it means having four wives. A Sister Wife might think it means being one wife of a dozen. A Catholic might think that it means one spouse forever – no divorce allowed.

But if you look in the Bible or at historic records, its meaning and what’s expected of its participants always seem to be changing. HOW many wives did King Solomon have? Was Jesus okay with that? What about St. Paul? Interracial marriage? Property moving from father to son, leaving the wife out of any ownership? A wife working outside the home? You get the point.

But even as it evolves, I do think a lot of heterosexuals feel that there IS something different/special/superior about their unions – even when those unions don’t produce offspring. I think some of the harsher comments on this post allude to that point. There are people here who know gay people in relationships, see that those relationships are as worthy as heterosexual relationships, and it pisses them off that other people would diminish their loved ones.

In my sister’s case: she’s a principal at a Catholic School, and everyone was so excited about this gay wedding. One of the grooms was the Church’s organist (no jokes please), and even the parish’s pastor was giving my sister grief for not attending. And my sister was like, “WTF!? This is a f*ckin’ Catholic school, homies. The Pope ain’t down with that sh*t!” Well, maybe those weren’t her exact words, but that was her attitude, like Did I miss a memo?

She also felt that she was being used: that she was only being invited because she was the principal of the school, and this guy was trying to get her to lend legitimacy to his union. And I totally get both sides of that.

For my sister, her Catholic faith is a big part of her life. But I like to remind her that when my mom, who was dying from ovarian cancer, needed someone to do home hospice with her, I was able to swing it financially because my partner’s health insurance covered me. None of my four heterosexual siblings were willing/able to do this. It was my boyfriend (and the company he worked for) who made it possible for my mom to live out the last year of her life in her own home. And die on the couch where she’d fallen asleep for the previous 20 years. With her mostly heterosexual family around her.

So marital rights do affect everyone.

But if you want to call it something else to distinguish it from the heterosexual version – I’m totally fine with that. How about “garriage”? As long as it affords all the thousands of legal and social rights that heterosexuals have, I’m good. I know some gays disagree with this, but f*ck those f*ggots. – Just kidding! -

This is something we’ll all be talking about as long as God (or god or The Higher Power or The Force or Nature) keeps creating us all in unique and varied ways.

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Comment by Wendi.

And this is why I love Peajaye.

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Comment by Heather.

My kids are frequently around my gay friend and her partner (even spending the night with them!) and have yet to mutate a third arm or, even worse to some people, become A LIBERAL.

Your kids will be more than fine. It’s you we’re worried about.

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Comment by marathonmom.

I am so tired of the hate. If I do nothing else in my life I WILL NOT raise kids with all the prejudices and judgemental crap I was raised with.

No one should be denied anything just because of what YOU think.

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Comment by Susan.

Tolerate then expand to acceptance…Being tolerated by someone is almost an insult…but it is a start…

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Comment by Plano Mom.

It is my greatest sin, one I ask forgiveness for quite often. I am judgmental of people I perceive as judgmental.

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Comment by Laura.

Seems like everybody these days wants to “tolerate” only those people who won’t stand for anything. If you have a conviction about anything moral you’re labeled as “intolerant” and called all sorts of inflammatory names by all these people who proclaim to only want to “live and let live”. Does anyone with conservative views read this blog besides me? Or are you just too afraid someone will call you a name?

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Comment by Emily.

did you need someone to say that they understand your feelings?

I understand. That is a very difficult position to be in. Go with your gut. Do what gives you the most peace.

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Comment by Plano Mom.

And I have found that my 13 year old son has taught me EVERYTHING I know about my own hangups and prejudices, by simply asking me why in the world I would feel that way.

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Comment by dadsprimalscream.

My experience…After my babysitter stood me up, I called my friend to tell her I couldn’t attend her wedding because I didn’t have a sitter. “Bring them! Please come!”

I swallowed hard, because my friend is a lesbian…not that I have a problem with it, but because my ex-wife is uber-Mormon and I knew she would. But deep in my heart I knew there was nothing wrong with my children’s participation. Exposure to love is always a good thing. So, I said “OK”.

As we were getting ready, they asked whose wedding it was. I told them it was a friend of mine and she was marrying another woman.

“Two girls?” the 5 year old asked.

“Yes, you know just like on the TV show Friends, Ross’ ex-wife marries another woman?”

“Oh yeah”

I took my 5 year old and 7 year old daughters (being already heavily indoctrinated Mormon) to a wedding of two lesbians. It was beautiful. It didn’t even register as remarkable enough on their radar to even mention it to their mom. At least I never heard any fallout from it…and believe me, I would have.

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Comment by karena.

suggestion: send the kids, let them make up their own minds about what they believe. let them have a good time and dance with the brides. you stay home and sulk.

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