Congratulations, It’s a Middle-Aged Boy!
Dear TMH,
My husband argues with the kids instead of putting his foot down. Then both (husband and kids) come tattling to me about what the other one has said or done. This is so frustrating. Why can’t my husband just put his foot down and be a parent? I am tired of feeling like I have 5 kids instead of 4.
Signed,
Mother Wife in The Middle
_________________________________________________________
Dear Middle,
Personally, I can’t think of anything more endearing than having my husband come to me, with the kids in tow, and whine, “but they staaaarted it.” Because if there’s one thing that makes mediating between children even more enjoyable, it’s when one of the children is your middle-aged spouse.
Assuming that you’ve already had the standard “please put on your big boy boxers and deal with the children yourself” discussion with him, you now have two options.
One–the next time he comes to you, hear everyone out and announce, “Buffy is absolutely right. Dear, I’m afraid that you owe her an apology.” That’s right. Take the kid’s side. He comes to you because he knows that you will back him up. Time to turn the tables on him. He thinks your kid should get off the computer and do her chores? That’s too bad, because you seem to recall that people are given free will and Buffy wills to go watch her some YouTube. Chances are that he’ll stop seeing you as the follow through for his parenting. (Although this may have the unintended consequence of ruining your marriage. Sorry about that.)
Two–Talk to him. Not in the “listen, dumbass, you’re the parent” way that seems so appealing just about now, but in the “let’s make sure that we’re on the same page” way that has the two of you reflecting on your parenting goals and strategies. Although I will leave those strategies up to you, I heartily recommend the pages of 1-2-3 Magic. Despite its title, there is actually very little math involved and it has really worked with my kids. And my husband.
Or you could combine the two methods and have him sit in a time out while reading parenting manuals. Just make sure that he doesn’t come out of his time out spot until he’s ready. And that he doesn’t take the remote with him.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
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10 Responses to “Congratulations, It’s a Middle-Aged Boy!”
Comment by The Laughing Idiot.
Or you could take the, “You guys need to work it out.” approach and walk away.
Seems to work with my 3 & 5 year old. Of course, someone will pout for awile, but eventually they get over it.
I like to take pictures of the pouter and show them later how silly they looked. This might be an effective way to deal with Hubby – once you post his pouty picture on your public family Flikr album, he may change his tune on the parenting role.
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Comment by Coco.
Wow. How much of a turn on is that? Not. Having a hubby that behaves like a child is not hot. Maybe you need to get that point across. No fun in bed for little boys.
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Comment by Pop and Ice.
I like the idea of putting hubby in *timeout*. That way he’d be out of my hair and I can run the universe, as usual, without his interference.
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Comment by melanie.
i am sitting here with blood on my shirt from my son’s skinned knee. i could definitely use a new shirt!
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Comment by Andrea's Sweet Life.
Shit, so you’re telling me I shouldn’t be having my husband referee my arguments with the kids?
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Comment by MarathonMom.
yeah my husband does this too. Have you asked his mother why he’s like this? Heh – it might give you a good laugh. Hang in there and stay sane!
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Comment by MommyTime.
I like the time out idea for him too. Though I wouldn’t rule out a Rogue’s Gallery page on your Facebook site, or a Pout of the Day widget on your blog, where you post the most poutiest mug every day, and it’s pretty often his. But I can be passive aggressive like that.
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Comment by just me.
I tried the time-out thingy with hubby-o-mine. He fell asleep. And I was still stuck with all the kids going at each other. CRAP! 
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Comment by Ungirdled Passion.
Smart! That’s a great idea to take the kids’ side every time. My first thought was to say, “Hey kids, if you don’t stop this constant bickering, there’s no pie for you tonight.” and then look at the husband and say, “and no PIE for you either” with a wink-wink. That’s the carrot I dangle. At my age, that carrot’s really danglin’, too!
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