06 Jul
A Housewife Says Good-Bye

Sad news, everyone. Today the Mouthy Housewives say good-bye to our partner-in-advice-crime, Tonya. Tonya is much beloved by all of us for her smart, sassy writing, her humor, her generosity and, most important,  her rather arcane (and disturbing) knowledge of prison terminology. We wish her the best of luck with the baby she’ll be a birthin’ this summer and sincerely hope she’ll pop back in here from time to time with some of her loveliness. All our love to you, T-Bird. It was a blast. xoxo

Dear Mouthy Housewives Readers,

Adieu, Adieu To You and You and You…

It’s hard to say goodbye. I’ve been working on this post for some time. In between episodes of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding. So, now, if I could bedazzle this post and wrap it in skintight spandex I totally would!

It’s been such a difficult decision, but this pregnancy hasn’t been easy and I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to focus when this baby finally does make her grand entrance. So I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time to leave The Mouthy Housewives.

I raise my pimp cup (right now full of apple juice, but VERY SOON to be replaced by a nice rosé) to these amazing women! I am so grateful to them for letting me into their clubhouse! And to you guys for being such awesome readers and commenters! I will truly miss this kickass community.

Now, before I go, I feel like I should use these last moments to confess a few things:

First, Marinka: I have been substituting Franzia for tequila in the TMH margarita machine. Then secretly selling special ‘spiked’ lemonade to the PTA. Unfortunately, all of the profits I made have been invested into what I recently discovered is a pyramid scheme. So, I’m sorry I can’t pay you back, but I can offer you a lovely bit of property in the middle of the Hudson River.

Second, Wendi: I was the one who drew mustaches and devil’s horns on all the Barry Manilow posters. I was also the one who crossed out his name and wrote “Barely Man-enough.” I know I said it was Kristine, but I just can’t live with the guilt anymore.

Third, Kelcey:, It wasn’t mice that chewed off the hair of your Justin Bieber doll. It was me. I was trying to give him a punk rock hair-do. Obviously, he just can’t pull it off. Sorry.

Finally, Kristine: I’ve been Fed-Exing all those bugs you’ve been finding. Texas doesn’t really have any native insects. It’s all me. I just wanted to add some excitement to your home. You’re welcome!

Okay, well, now with a clear conscience and a tear-soaked hanky I say Adieu.

Love, Tonya

8 Responses to “A Housewife Says Good-Bye”


Comment by Alexandra.

Oh, I miss you for so many reasons, Tonya. I hope you do pop back in , and blog on your site.

And just generally stay in our lives.

For anyone who doesn’t know Tonya, or her writing: she is one of the kindest, most appreciative bloggers out there.

I do love her.

I’ll miss you, Tonya, and will be thinking of you.


Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

Gook Luck with your baby Tonya, and… we’re expecting you back as soon as you can. Meanwhile, can I send you some very good wine from Italy, for a toast once your baby is born? Say, a bottle of Berlucchi?

Love & all my best.


Comment by dusty earth mother.

thanks for all the laughs, Tonya!


Comment by Bitsy.

No!! Don’t go!


Comment by kathykate.

push hard!


Comment by Tbird.

I’ll miss the hell out of you guys!!!! I’ll still be reading tho. I’ll need to keep sane somehow!
Thanks for everything!!!


Comment by Cait.

Best of luck, Tonya! Your advice will be missed, but I sincerely hope that a bout of sleeplessness coupled with wailing, poopy diapers and the inability to shower for days on end will only sharpen your wit. May your contractions be mild, your labor be short, and your baby’s head be small!!


Comment by The Flying Chalupa.

Good luck with your baby girl and your little man, Tonya! Here’s to a big Pimp Cup filled with the real stuff. You deserve it.
xoxo Chalupa

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