24 Feb
What Do You Think About Sharing Your Safe Sex Spot?

The Mouthy Housewives support safe sex. And family values. And access to birth control. And Planned Parenthood.

Vote for The Mouthy Housewives for President!

But recently we saw a website that made us wonder:

Where Did You Wear It

Go ahead, click on it!

As far as we can tell, Where Did You Wear It is a site that highlights the importance of using condoms, both in terms of preventing pregnancy (98% effective!) and preventing transmittal of STDs (hey, when did we stop calling them venereal diseases? 1800’s? Ok!)

The idea of the site is that you can check in where you’re using the condoms. College students in Western Washington are getting condoms that have a code on the wrapper that they can scan with their phones to register on Where Did You Wear It?

And you thought your Friday night was romanic.

We love it because we love everything that promotes safe sex and discussion about safe sex.

But we are also wondering if social media is going a bit far?

And also about why anyone over 49 is lumped with everyone from 50 year olds to Methuselah.

What do you think?

Good thing? Or going too far?

19 Responses to “What Do You Think About Sharing Your Safe Sex Spot?”

02.24.12#1

Comment by mtwildflower.

Sigh.

Seriously? Is nothing private anymore?

Today I talked with a teenager who has had the misfortune of giving up her virginity to a guy who has bragged about it all over school and she is now known as the class slut.

Ask her what advertising the fact that he was decent enough to use a condom is going to do for her broken heart and her reputation. How about you repeat that logo/motto over and over to her as she sobs in your presence?

Frankly, I think holding up “safe sex” as some kind of goal is incredibly damaging. Escaping pregnancy and an STD is not all that matters, yet the motto is that “it should be shared”? What next? A threesome is perfectly fine as long as you all use a condom???? No need to worry about anything else?

What the hell kind of example is this?

Marinka Reply:

There are many issues in your response, and I think they’re all valid and deserve discussion.

(Btw, I hope that one day we stop talking about sexuality in terms of girls “giving up” their virginity).

Hearts will be broken. People will be cruel to each other. I wish it weren’t so, but I’ll take that over broken hearts and cruelty on top of an unwanted pregnancy and STDs.

Ace Reply:

Marinka, you always make me think, and I love you for it

thepsychobabble Reply:

Um, if all parties are 1)adults and 2)in agreement, then YES a threesome IS perfectly fine, as long as safe sex is practiced.
Please don’t assume that your personal moral code applies to everyone.

KatesOwnRants Reply:

There’s no reason why you can’t have a heartfelt discussion with your daughter, sister, friend etc about NOT sleeping with jackass bad boys.
Just remember to include in that conversation some useful information about STDs and pregnancy, because as everyone reading this knows: Women don’t listen to advice about not sleeping with jackass bad boys!
Knowing about condoms has nothing to do with that teenager’s decision to have sex with a jerk vs. a nice boy.
But if she used a condom, she may still be heartbroken and embarrassed but at least she didn’t have an ADDITIONAL crisis to deal with, like being pregnant in high school or facing a terrible disease.

02.24.12#2

Comment by mtwildflower.

Furthermore, this site is pointed not at mere housewives, but MOMS. Do we really want this kind of flip message to come from us when we are raising our kids and have to deal with issue of teenage sexuality?

Teen sex should be serious business and encouraging our teenagers to advertise not just the fact that they HAD sex but WHERE is absolutely irresponsible. You can not dress that fact up with a flimsy veiled campaign promoting safe sex.

Really, I’m appalled.

Tonya Reply:

You make a good point about teenagers. We here at The Mouthy Housewives aren’t promoting this site. Yes, we are pro-safe sex. But more importantly we are pro-sex discussion. That is the reason we wrote this post. And we also want to know what all of our readers have to say.
Honestly, it didn’t occur to me that the site could be used as a tool to make a young girl feel ashamed. Thank you for bringing that up. I think it’s a very valid complaint against social media going to far.

Ace Reply:

Amen, Tonya! While I think the social networking feature is just a little weird, I am ALL for discussion. I was the one to give my sister safe-sex discussions because Mom didn’t talk to us about it… got my sisters on birth control once OI realized they were having sex, etc. Anything that makes parents discuss these things with their kids is a bonus, even if it’s to say: “If your date whips out his phone at the end of a date to ‘record’ where he’s going to “score,” bite his hand, smash the phone and run.”

just kidding

Wendi Reply:

We are in no way promoting this site. I thought that was fairly clear, but maybe not.

At any rate, I do agree that it’s social media going way too far.

KatesOwnRants Reply:

I don’t see how this particular site could be used to target girls or make anyone in particular feel ashamed. There are no names or specific locations. The questions are geared toward using a condom, and more importantly “Have you talked to your partner about safe sex”.
The truth is, I find the constant over-sharing in social media kind of creepy. But I’m not outraged over it.
Facebook, Twitter, dumb online surveys are how people communicate these days. Most of the sites are stupid and immature but not dangerous. And the side effect is that parents and friends know a lot more about each other than they did in “my day”. How many of us learned about sex from a friend instead of from Mommy? How many of us experienced sex before learning about condoms? Too many.
The redeeming factor of this site is that it’s geared toward people who are ALREADY having sex, attempting to promote SAFE sex and encourage people to TALK to their partners about safe sex. Those are good things, despite the presentation.

N and Em's mom Reply:

So you can’t picture a hazing where “everyone” from school drives by some poor geeky kid’s house, puts in their address, and then posts the “hotspot” on the web. Too much information.

thepsychobabble Reply:

The site doesn’t actually use the address. After checking it out, it looks like it posts a “general location of” (like…a town name, not a street address)
While I think it’s way more sharing than I want/need, I’m not sure it’s precise enough to create that particular scenario.

02.24.12#3

Comment by karena.

With the amount of teen pregnancy and STDs going around, its apparent that pushing for kids to simply abstain, isnt working. As much as i would like to hope that none of my kids (the oldest only being 7, so i think i can breath easily for a few more years, i hope!) treat sex as casually as some (ok, their mother, in her younger years, but in my defense, i have daddy issues) odds are that they wont remain virgins until marriage, or even college. i think that teaching them how to “do it” responsibly would be a better goal and anything that helps promote that, im cool with! The website doesnt publish names or actual locations (like 250 pine street, 3rd bedroom on the left) just towns. my only prob with it is the age thing. i dont want to know that 15 year olds have sex. i know 15 year old have sex, but if its not in my face, i can dillude myself.

02.24.12#4

Comment by Plano Mom.

I can’t really come up with any truly useful information or statistics that would justify this web site. Sorry, I can’t see anything positive about this. If I wanted to know if my children were using condoms, I would buy them myself, be up front about expecting they are used, and keep count.

02.24.12#5

Comment by thepsychobabble.

I get the idea behind it, but no, I probably wouldn’t encourage my kids to check in with it.
I would encourage them to practice safe sex, and use condoms and other forms of birth control. But I would also encourage them to be respectful of their partners, and I can’t see bragging about getting it on over at XYZ as being respectful.

02.24.12#6

Comment by Big ol' B with a capital B.

I basically agree with everyone this is really social media gone too far. Sex is not something to be ashamed about, but I also think sex is a very personal matter and ‘checking in’ to a site to say where they did it is frankly distasteful.

That said, I fully promote having discussions with kids (and even some adults!) about sex -the repercussions both physically and emotionally of it. Knowledge is power. And the more knowledge someone has the better decisions they can make for themselves.

I also agree that we need to stop this stigma of women ‘giving up’ themselves and men being ‘studs’ if they have sex. Women and men are just as capable of making their own decisions about their bodies and as long as all parties are in agreement to it (preferably being on the same page with where the relationship is at that moment) then ok.

02.24.12#7

Comment by junerain.

I think promoting that your having safe sex is a good thing. If someone is going to tell everyone their partner is a slut then they are just asswipes. Some people will be asswipes no matter what form of media they use.

02.24.12#8

Comment by Where Did You Wear It.

Thanks Mouthy Housewives for getting the word out about our site! We totally love that Mommy bloggers are engaging parents on how best to discussion issues of sexual health and decision making with their children.

We also appreciate the discussion in the comments, but wanted to clear up some of the confusion.

1.) The site was part of our campaign for National Condom Week. QR codes-a scanable barcode read by your smart phone- were attached to over 55,000 condom packages that were distributed to colleges and universities.

2.) The campaign is targeting college students and 20-somethings, not teens. Most of the users on the site are 20+. Our marketing efforts are targeted to college students and 20-somethings.

3.) A person’s check in is anonymous. There is no identifying information attached to their check in. The location is randomized +/- 1,000 feet (about 3-4 city blocks) from the location they provide. We have over a thousands check ins and no reports of abuse.

4.) We know that significant barriers still exist in creating the transformational behavior change necessary for a reduction in unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection rates. Obviously, increasing condom use is only one part of a larger sexual health and education equation. Even if someone has access to condoms, and knows how to properly use them with a partner, she or he may still choose not to.

Where Did You Wear It attempts to normalize condom use by showing just how common and enjoyable using protection can be. And it does so using a communication channel college students and 20-somethings are comfortable and familiar with: social media. The map is intended to provide a visual representation that safe sex happens.

Despite condoms being widely available, we need to do more dispelling myths, stigma, and shame around who uses them and why. We hope our site is part of the solution in encouraging responsible decision making and normalizing safe sex behaviors.

05.21.12#9

Comment by Sharing housewives | J2cab.

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