11 Apr
Should I Get Her a Bra?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Should I get her a bra?

Signed,

Wondering if I Should Get Her a Bra

_____________________________________

Dear Should I Get Her a Bra,

Ooh, I see it’s Mentalist Mouthy time!  Have no fear, my potential bra-shopper, I got you covered!

For optimal results, we need to establish who the “I” and the “her” in your question are.

Because if you are talking about your prepubescent daughter, I have a very different answer for you than if you are discussing your golf partner’s mother-in-law.

So let’s work through some possibilities:

1.  If it’s your daughter going through puberty: Yes, with a caveat.  Ask her if she would like to go bra shopping with you. If she feels she is not ready, do not push it, but let her know that if she changes her  mind, you can take her.

2. If it’s your mother-in-law: No, with a caveat.  And the caveat is that she is unable to go shopping by herself and asks for your assistance. In that case, suck it up and do it.

3. It’s your boss: No.  And if she asks, contact the HR office.

4. You’re in the market for an early Secret Santa gift for someone in your office: No.  And go see HR, just in case. And maybe a mental health professional.

5. It’s the President of the PTA who burned her bra years ago and is still waiting for it to rise from the ashes: No.  Do not get adult women bras unless they ask for them.  (And the request has been approved by HR.)

6. It’s for your girlfriend/wife: No, unless she hinted that this is her dream gift.  In which case, you better sweeten the deal with some chocolate, just in case.

7. It’s for your mistress: Yes. No caveats. (And shame on you.)

8. If you’re the costume designer on Jennifer Love Hewitt’s new show, The Client List: Yes.  It’s in your job description.

Whew. Those are all the scenarios  that I could come up with.  If our readers have others, I hope they will weigh in with their suggestions.

Good luck,

Marinka, 36C*, TMH

* not my real size. In case you’re a perv.

11 Responses to “Should I Get Her a Bra?”

04.11.12#1

Comment by Happy.Baker.

Oooh!

If it’s your dog who just had a litter, yes. Her nipples will chafe if they’re dragging on the ground.

If it’s your retired neighbor who likes to sunbathe topless in her front yard, YES. Please God, yes.

Cate8 Reply:

Excellent comment Happy Baker! Thanks for the early morning laugh 🙂

04.11.12#2

Comment by Chelle.

If it’s your best friend who had a double mastectomy two years ago and had implants put in and the cancer came back and one implant had to be removed: Unequivocal yes if she asks you to.

If it’s your son who wants to be treated as a girl: Yes, if he asks you to. Because you accept your kids for who they are.

Those were the only two I could add to the list. How pathetic am I at comedy?

Kelly Reply:

Maybe not so great a comedy, but probably the BEST best friend and a pretty great mom, too!

Kelly Reply:

*at

Eater Reply:

seconded 🙂

04.11.12#3

Comment by Wendi.

I think that was Kelcey writing in about me. She didn’t appreciate my 1960’s Let ‘Em Wave In the Wind! look at high tea the other day. She’s such a prude.

04.11.12#4

Comment by Anne-Marie @ Do Not Faint.

If you are a teenage girl whose friend is not wearing the proper size, please for the love of all that is holy YES!

Better yet, take her bra shopping. I wore a B when I was a D and no one told me! I was 13 and lived only with my father! The friends (and their moms) who loved me and looked at me spilling out every day failed in their responsibilities.

Plano Mom Reply:

Yes, and if it’s your prepubescent daughter, make sure you ask often, so her best friend/first crush boy doesn’t tell her she needs one.

04.11.12#5

Comment by Steph.

omigoodness, Marinka. You mined much comedy from such a little question. Thank you!

04.13.12#6

Comment by Coffeeless.

“* not my real size. In case you’re a perv.”

Love that. A while ago some of my friends were putting their bra sizes in Facebook status updates. It was strange.

P.S. The novel I’m reading at the moment features a young woman called Marinka. She’s the baddie. I do not know if she needs a bra.

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