27 Feb
Keep Your Menstrual News To Yourself, Please

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

One of my friends says, “I’m on my period” and it drives me crazy. Should I just let it go? She’s years away from menopause.




Dear TMI,

Before I answer this question, I have to let you know something really personal. (Ahem.) I’m on my period!


Anyway, since you didn’t really elaborate in your email, I’m not sure if your problem is simply the fact that your friend is telling you she has her period or if what you don’t like is the way she’s phrasing it. Let’s discuss the former first.

Many, if not most, women think it’s perfectly normal to let your female friends know when you have your period. In fact, I often do this myself. For example, last week my friend April asked me why I didn’t go to yoga and I answered, “Because I had horrible cramps all day” and she immediately knew what that meant. (Full disclosure: I didn’t really have cramps, but it was better than admitting I didn’t go to yoga because there was a Hillbilly Handfishin’ marathon on.) (Plus, I was whacked out on Midol.)

The week before that, my friend Dena asked me why I started crying after I watched a KFC commercial and I said, “Because I have PMS” and she immediately knew what that meant. So perhaps your friend is just letting you know she has her period to explain her mood or her health. She probably feels that you’ll commiserate with her. But if you don’t want her telling you anymore, maybe a simple, “I love you, but please stop telling me you’re on your period because I really don’t want to know” will suffice.

Now, if your actual problem is that you just don’t like the saying, “I’m on my period,” I have a few options you can give your friend. Such as:

  • I’m surfing the crimson wave!
  • I just got The Curse!
  • My Aunt Flo is in town!
  • Girlfriend’s riding the cotton pony, y’all!
  • J’ai mes règles!
  • Guess who’s wearing a tampon?!
  • I’m shedding the lining of my uterus right now! Up high!
  • Does this maxipad make me look fat?

Or any other suggestions by our readers, who I’m sure have some fabulous ones.

At any rate, just be honest with your friend. She probably has no idea that this bothers you, and since it’s pretty minor, she shouldn’t have any problem keeping her monthly news to herself.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH


19 Responses to “Keep Your Menstrual News To Yourself, Please”


Comment by thepsychobabble.

The phrase “on the rag” makes me shudder, for some reason.

Meredith L. Reply:

Me, too, but I know why it bothers me: because ex-boyfriends used to use that phrase degradingly, as in: “What’s wrong with you? Are you on the rag, or something?”


Comment by Kisa.

I grew up with two sisters and countless foster sisters. We used announce we had to change our plug. Drove our dad crazy! We were (still are) disgusting.


Comment by joshifine.

how about saying “I’ve fallen to the communists!”

tis the best one i’ve heard!


Comment by MelissaW..

We call it shark week in our house. Sorry honey! It’s shark week.

Ace Reply:

that is awesome. My hubs calls it my “special lady time.”

Carinn Jade Reply:

Shark week – genius!


Comment by cath.

It makes me cringe when someone says they are ‘on’ their period!!! You sit ‘on’ a couch. You sit ‘on’ a chair. You put clothes ‘on’. You are most definitely not ‘on’ your period!!!
btw, guess what i have today?


Comment by WebSavvyMom.

–>”Confirmed. I’m NOT pregnant!”



Comment by rojopaul.

I say Aunt Flo’s in town and I freely admit I stole that from Wendi’s other blog a long time ago. Ha ha But I do like Shark Week too. That is befitting as well. I might add that to the repertoire. Thanks, Melissa W.!


Comment by Plano Mom.

When friends say something like that out of the blue, I admit I have to resist the urge to say “Good for you!”

Back when I had my monthly chocolate party, it was a challenge for me because I preferred to say “I’m not feeling well.” Which of course leads to all sorts of “oh, that’s too bad, do you think you’re coming down with something?”


Comment by Akamomma.

My husband came up with “one with the universe”, I’m pretty sure he was sarcastically hoping I would connect with nature and chill the hell out.


Comment by Gamefaceltd.

“The curse of eve is a plague upon my person.”

And if I ever need to borrow a tampon I will either ask for a cotton pony, or ask if they have any “friends” while making air quotes. It usually gets the point across.


Comment by Emily.

I’m with you! Grown women really shouldn’t be expressing these things. Most women have been dealing with it since they were like 12? You should be used to it by now. I don’t need to hear about it and I don’t understand the need to complain about it or even discuss it unless something is very out of the ordinary. And even then, Dr. Google is your friend 🙂


Comment by Carinn Jade.

This post terrifies me. I haven’t had my period since 2008!!! I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old and I nurse. After I weaned my first child, it never came back, I just ended up pregnant again (whoops). Now that I am weaning the second kid, I dread this. I heard it comes back worse than ever. I need to cut this off at the pass – help!

Signed, Just Say No to Flo!


Comment by Scornfullearner.

My best friend gives me the nitty gritty. You learn to tune it out. 😉


Comment by Cj.

I use “There’s a crime scene in my pants.” However I’m cracking up over the “Riding the cotton pony”!


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