23 Sep
Calling All Lonely Housewives

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Are there any lonely housewives out there?

Signed,
Eric

______________________________________________________________

Dear Eric,

Let me tell you something. I’m sitting here at my kitchen table with only my three cats for company, all of whom are sleeping. The kids are in school, my husband is at work, and I just got up to get a pillow to sit on. This dining chair is making my butt numb.

Does that sound lonely to you?

If you answered yes, then obviously you can’t hear the voices in my head. They are awesome and we have very exciting conversations. We’ve solved world hunger. We’ve restructured the entire PTA organization. We frequently kick Stephen Hawking’s bahookie in theoretical physics. How could I be lonely?

As Forest Gump would say, lonely is as lonely does. And he’s not the only one who philosophizes on the topic of loneliness. It’s not necessarily a bad state of mind to be in, as the following quotes (and my brilliant commentary!) prove:

An artist is always alone – if he is an artist. No, what the artist needs is loneliness. -Henry Miller

Now go get those finger paints!

At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self. -Brendan Frances

If you report yourself to the mall’s lost and found, you’ll never be lonely.

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. -Mark Twain

This is why I love wearing yoga pants. I’m so comfortable with myself how can I be lonely?

It is loneliness that makes the loudest noise. This is true of men as of dogs. -Eric Hoffer

Woof!

I have friends who I get along with, who I know get very uncomfortable being alone…whereas I could be alone for months.”  – Viggo Mortensen

Be alone. Be sexy.

So the answer to your question Eric is both yes and no. We housewives may be lonely, but it’s only because we’re artistic, united, comfortable, loud, and very sexy, in a dirty, unshaven sort of way.

Signed,

Heather, TMH

15 Responses to “Calling All Lonely Housewives”

09.23.10#1

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

Dear Eric,

Are there any lonely dumbasses out there? Then let them be as lonely as possible!!!

Signed,
Desperate Dietwives

09.23.10#2

Comment by Jen.

Lonely? I’d have to be alone and my children wouldn’t allow that. I crave loneliness the way I craved sleep when they were younger. I fantasize about about a weekend on my own the way I used to fantasize about Adrian Paul. Someday, if I’m very, very good, I’ll be a lonely housewife. Until then, I’m a very busy mother.

Reiven Reply:

Adrian Paul!!! :-p

09.23.10#3

Comment by writingmama04.

Lonliness and boredom? Don’t know a thing about that. Have to get up at 5AM and hide in my office to be alone. Great quotes, though. But I have to ask, are TMH hard up for questions? If so, I’ve got tons of queries that desperately need solving.

Heather, TMH Reply:

No, not hard up. We just enjoy a change every now and then and will go with the crazies. But please send us your questions anyway, sane or crazy. Or both.

09.23.10#4

Comment by Kim - Mommycosm.

I think there may have been more lonely Housewives out there before blogs were invented;)

Impheaet Reply:

Replye iqubalpatel@yahoo.com
I m lonly 33 m India
pl for friend

09.23.10#5

Comment by dusty earth mother.

You tell him, Heather. You’re brilliant!

09.23.10#6

Comment by Wendi.

Fabulous, hilarious answer.

And Eric, you can come clean my pool or deliver me a pizza anytime.

09.23.10#7

Comment by JubanMama.

Was that letter written by Eric Northman from “True Blood?” If so then yes, I am desperately lonely…come cheer me up, my tall, sexy Viking…

09.23.10#8

Comment by Vodka Tonic.

One can never be too lonely, when there is a warm, filled diaper nearby.

09.23.10#9

Comment by annie.

Great advice Heather but you forgot to mention our lovely boy shorts and thongs. Or does that fall under the sexy and unshaven part?

09.23.10#10

Comment by Truthful Mommy.

LOnely? Not possible with kids. even when they are not with me, I find myself saying things to people in the store like “EXcuse us” Yeah, they look at me just the exact same way you are looking at your screen right now. Never alone…NEVER

09.23.10#11

Comment by naddnessofme.

Um… I think Eric us actually looking for a date. My guess is you went in a whole other direction than he intended.

Funny though.

09.24.10#12

Comment by Plano Mom.

The only thing I will enjoy interrupting what little alone time I have is someone coming to clean my house, not clean my clock.

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