29 Nov
Why Doesn’t This Bother Her?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My daughter married a man who keeps three pages of endearments from an ex-girlfriend online for anyone to read. It breaks my heart that he refuses to remove it, and that my daughter says it’s okay. I don’t believe that a woman truly isn’t bothered by that, but am I wrong?   Have things changed that much?

Signed,

Sticking Up for My Daughter

_____________________________

Dear Sticking Up,

One thing I know about women is that the things that drive one woman absolutely insane do not bother other women in the least.   At least that’s the only way that I can explain Dr. Phil’s popularity.   I have a life- threatening allergic reaction whenever I see him on TV, whereas my mother thinks that he is a “very wise man and he often makes sense, especially when dealing with ungrateful daughters.”   Whatever.

Why not write her a letter?  Something along these lines:  “Dear Daughter, I saw that your husband posted a three-page list of endearments from a former girlfriend and my heart breaks on your behalf.  I am worried that you are deeply upset by this, but have not had the courage to face your agony. I want you to know that I am here for you.  If what your husband did pains you, makes you feel like less of a woman or if perhaps your marriage is in trouble, do not keep those feelings bottled up.  Confront your husband and threaten him with the time honored tradition of sexual deprivation and/or crashing the website that hosts this lovefest. And if you truly don’t mind, please ignore this note.”

Obviously, I don’t know what the endearments are exactly, what the backstory is and why the three pages are of any interest to anyone other than the two people involved (unless they’re celebrities—OMG, your daughter isn’t Heidi of Speidi fame, is she?!)   But if your daughter generally speaks her mind, and she says that it does not bother her, I recommend that you take her at her word.

Sincerely,

Marinka, TMH

11 Responses to “Why Doesn’t This Bother Her?”

11.29.10#1

Comment by Yuliya.

Tragically Heidi has served Speidi divorce papers. Just thought you should know. Yes there is probably a support group to help overcome any grieving you may experience.

11.29.10#2

Comment by Betty Herbert.

Good advice. But also: ew. How did he even come to own three pages of endearments from an ex-girlfriend anyway? I’ve been married 11 years, and the most I’ve managed to garner is a Valentine’s card that offers me the chance to do rude things on an evening nine years ago.
Would I be wrong in suggesting that this man has an over-adoring mother tucked away somewhere? That he is addicted to the adoration of women? If so, I suspect your daughter is doing the right thing in ignoring the hell out of this. She knows that the author of the endearments is an ex-girlfriend for a reason, and is most likely refusing to rise to this clumsy assertion of self-importance. Good for her.

11.29.10#3

Comment by Wendi.

Three pages of endearments? He must be quite…talented.

11.29.10#4

Comment by StephanieG.

Wendi – is it ‘talented’ or ‘verbose?’

If it doesn’t bother your daughter, it shouldn’t bother you. I would just forget about the endearments, and that starts when you STOP clicking into wherever they are posted. If you want to forget them, just quit looking at them!

I used to get very angry at a blogger who had diametrically opposing views from my own. Not only that, but she was a very poor speller and terrible with punctuation. Every time I read her blog, I just got pissed off.

It dawned on me that maybe I should quit reading her stuff. Lo and behold, when I deleted her from my favorites list, suddenly my life got a whole lot happier. Maybe you should do the same.

Good luck!

11.29.10#5

Comment by Plano Mom.

Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.
Oscar Wilde

Sounds like your daughter is okay to be last. He married HER.

GrandeMocha Reply:

Good answer!

11.29.10#6

Comment by Karin.

Are they up there to prove that she was stalking him? Did she die tragically? Is his ego REALLY THAT FRAGILE that he has to have a reminder of past adoration published for everyone to see? I can’t figure out why he has them… It would piss me off, well, unless she was dead, then it would just be a minor irritation unless he visited the site more frequently than he told me how he felt about me <– then I'd serve him divorce papers for breakfast.

11.29.10#7

Comment by Kelly.

While I’d agree that your son-in-law sounds tacky at best, you need to stay out of this one. Presumably your daughter has access to the same resouces you do (friends, self-help books, and even Dr. Phil) and if she chooses to put up with this, that’s her business. The best you can do in this situation is ignore it and vow to never bring it up. If she brings it up, that’s another thing…
If you WERE to convince her to convince HIM to take it down, don’t think for a minute that she wouldn’t inadvertently let on that it was her mother’s idea…and then you have a tacky son in law with a bad attitude about his mother in law…which is a great way to get more time with Dr. Phil…

11.29.10#8

Comment by GrandeMocha.

I knew as soon as I saw “ungrateful daughters” that it Marinka who wrote this. :0

11.29.10#9

Comment by dusty earth mother.

Great letter, Marinka! Seriously, I would love to receive something so truthful and yet unpushy from anyone.

11.30.10#10

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

If your daughter’s OK with the situation, there may be two possible motives:

1) She IS OK with the situation, so don’t bother her, for then she’d be angry with you for intruding in her life.

2) She is NOT OK with the situation, but is in a negation state and keeps telling herself that everything is all right; in this case don’t confront her with a truth she is trying to negate, because not only is she going to keep negating it, but she’ll also be angry with you for intruding in her life… and moreover, when things come to a pass, pride would prevent her from coming to you for help.

So just go on as if you didn’t know anything about the matter, and see how things work. They usually do, one way or another.

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