30 May
When Intimacy Is More “Ouch” Than “Oooo”

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I was recently diagnosed with poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). I found out after having a cyst rupture, requiring a trip to Urgent Care.

The thing is that my cyst ruptured shortly after being intimate with my fiancé. My doctor reassured me that the rupture wasn’t caused by sex. However, my fiancé is now convinced that he caused my pain and doesn’t want sex because he is scared I’ll rupture another cyst. I’ve told him what the doctor said, but he’s still convinced. He has said that he doesn’t want to have sex until I’m “better” ( meaning my cysts are gone).

Unfortunately, that could be months or even never. He’s been very supportive emotionally and still enjoys cuddling, but I’m a sexual person and only having sex once or twice a week was bad enough. Its been almost 2 weeks now and I’m going crazy! How can I change his mind?!


Cyster Sister


Dear Cyster Sister,

I’m so sorry to hear about your painful experience and diagnosis. For those who aren’t sure what PCOS is, here’s the definition from MayoClinic.com:

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a common hormonal disorder among women of reproductive age. The name of the condition comes from the appearance of the ovaries in most, but not all, women with the disorder — enlarged and containing numerous small cysts located along the outer edge of each ovary (polycystic appearance).

I’m sure you doctor (who hopefully isn’t selling sex toys) has gone over everything with you and told you how to manage your condition. I wish you the best of luck in handling all of that and hope you take good care of yourself and your health.

Now, regarding your fiance’s issues, I have to say that his reaction is completely understandable. After all, why would he want to do something with you that may cause enough pain to send you to Urgent Care again? From my slight poking around on the internet,  I couldn’t find anything that definitively said sex can cause cysts to rupture. However, I strongly advise you to ask your doctor that question with your fiance in the room so he hears it right from the physician’s mouth.  The more information on PCOS that the both of you have, the better and he should know that it’s not something that’ll just “clear up.”

That said, until things are more comfortable between the two of you in regards to sex, there are many other things you can do with, to and on each other to be intimate. (And if that last sentence isn’t proof that I have a bright future writing for certain sexy websites, I don’t know what is.) Take your time with each other and don’t pressure him to do more than he’s ready to do. You’re lucky you have a sweet guy who’s worried about your comfort.

And if any of you readers have advice or experience regarding PCOS, please chime in.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH


3 Responses to “When Intimacy Is More “Ouch” Than “Oooo””


Comment by Karin W.

no PCOS for me but this is definitely an eye opener for communication issues. Talk to the doc with fiance again and do let F know that this is a dealbreaker if he can’t get over his issues.


Comment by deathstar.

If your fiance was begrudgingly giving it up 1 or 2 times a week and now he’s not convinced you can resume relations, then perhaps he just really wants a great excuse to take a breather as well as be concerned about your health. I’ve have a few friends with PCOS and it’s can also cause infertility, so you may want to chart your ovulation when you decide to have children.


Comment by Arguinglulu.

Long suffering PCOS patient here…First of all, yeah, the cyst thing is totally coincidental. I can think of a handful of times when sex was uncomfortable, but it was afterwards, but really, just keep reassuring him. And maybe throw him a little love to get him in the mood (winky face!)

Remember with your PCOS (if you are or aren’t on meds…meds helped me, but it took a miracle to conceive, so keep that in the back of your head), to keep eating healthy and exercise. And don’t be hard on yourself. It’s a frustrating condition with a lot of symptoms that just suck.

The good thing is, if at some point you decide to have a baby, many many many women’s bodies correct themselves afterwards. FOr the first time in 8+ years, I’m off meds.

Good luck and be patient with your bf. It’s scary for him, but maybe showing him some research or stroking his (ego) will help… 🙂

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