28 May
Married Sex, Better.

It’s Guest Mouthy Housewife Friday and we’re going all international on you.  Emma from Belgian Waffle  is guest advising today, which is great news because she’s smart and funny.  And across the pond.  Please enjoy the post and when you check out her blog, don’t forget to get a load of the Weepette.

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I had a recent girls’ dinner (with a lot of wine) and it turns out that none of us are having much sex these days. We’re all married and we certainly are sexually active with our husbands but it’s all so bland and ordinary. We all miss the excitement of dating someone new. Please don’t us to buy some lingerie and try some sex toys because that ain’t going to turn my guy into the hot  cabana  boy at our local pool club. Any new ideas for this age old problem?

In Quest of Better Married Sex

______________________________

Dear Quest,

Hmm. Good question.

Firstly, as someone who no longer has any married sex – due to no longer being married – let me tell you, it’s probably a lot better than you realise. Only since I escaped the cosy bubble of my 15 year marriage, did I realise* that there are a lot of men out there who are either into weird stuff; or simply a bit rubbish in bed. The wild, erotic experiences I fondly imagined myself having have frequently broken down in reality to 50% embarrassment, 25% WTF, 5% erotically satisfying, 20% more embarrassment. I may score particularly highly on embarrassment because I’m British, but I still stand by my assertion that sex with someone new isn’t automatically better just because it’s novel. Forget about the cabana boy. He probably likes to be wrapped in saran wrap and peed on, whilst listening to Barry Manilow.

Ok, married sex won’t always be the acme of erotic experience. You’re tired, you’re wearing fleecy pyjamas, he hasn’t showered and he seems more interested in finishing his third ninja level sudoku puzzle of the evening, the kids have escaped from their bedrooms and are scratching at your door demanding snacks. Even so, it has a stack of good points.

Good things about married sex:

1. No weird surprises.

2. Your partner knows what you like (if they don’t something is terribly wrong or you are British. I can say that, I’m British).

3. No need for extreme (any?) feats of grooming/depilating.

4. No need to pretend to be incredibly acrobatic and turned on by any weird surprises.

5. Can be used as a currency or bargaining chip in important domestic debates.

6. Rarely lasts long enough to stop you watching your favourite tv shows.

So. Married sex = good. If you want to think of some ways to make it even better, you’re asking the wrong person (I’m British, remember). However, I can recommend you check out this absolutely excellent blog where a woman and her husband have set each other the challenge of seducing one another in a variety of ways weekly over the course of a year. It’s funny, well-written, and it also has some great ideas of realistic ways to have a bit of fun with your sex life without falling into cliches.

Now go away, I’m blushing.

Good luck,

Emma, Guest TMH

(*Based on my limited sample group and on research with friends. I’m no Anaïs Nin. I’m British, remember?)

12 Responses to “Married Sex, Better.”

05.28.10#1

Comment by Cheryl.

I’m not British but I live in New England which is really just an offshoot of Old England so sex and embarrassment are inate qualities. To sum up: I blame your country for my sexual issues.

05.28.10#2

Comment by Wendi.

Excellent answer, Emma and a great link, too.

And now I’m really curious about the “25% WTF” sex.

Heather Reply:

Hey Wendi, sounds like Emma can line you up with a cabana boy right up your alley!

Plano Mom Reply:

No… no pee and Manilow. He is the pinnacle of romance, not lust. You need Tom Jones for that.

05.28.10#3

Comment by writingmama04.

Great advice! Gotta keep it alive in the bedroom – the return on investment (ROI) is well worth the effort!

05.28.10#4

Comment by Lara.

Only 25% WTF? People are strange. Really. Just think of those terrible Tiger Woods texts.

But I am going to go check out that link.

05.28.10#5

Comment by Plano Mom.

She is right on, but why oh why did she have to mention Saran Wrap and pee in connection with Manilow? This Fanilow will never be the same.

Wendi, I can’t believe you weren’t scarred by the mental picture.

05.28.10#6

Comment by dusty earth mother.

Funny, I’ve always associated Manilow with being peed on. But that’s just me.

05.28.10#7

Comment by KLZ.

I’m pretty sure married sex can occur while watching the Amazing Race. You have to multitask when the kids are scratching at the door.

05.28.10#8

Comment by molly campbell.

Also, cellulite doesn’t seem to be a deterrent, and some husbands manage to have sex AND watch “The Three Stooges” simultaneously. molly

05.28.10#9

Comment by Megan (Best of Fates).

This post made me laugh aloud at work. Then feel sketchy I was reading it at work. Thank you.

06.06.10#10

Comment by Betty Herbert.

Aw, thanks for recommending my blog – which helped me to find your fab blog too. Good luck with all that married sex, ladies!

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