03 Mar
I Want Your Sex Every Day of the Month

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I asked my husband what he thought about one of those agreements I’ve heard married couples trying where they have sex once a day every day for a set amount of time. I threw a month out there. It’s supposed to improve intimacy.

His reaction was a surprise. He said he didn’t know. He asked if it was still required if I was yelling at him to put his dishes away. Or if I would be wearing lingerie. In short, he wasn’t overly interested.

To quantify, we have sex probably once every two weeks. It’s hot sex and I look forward to it. Yes, I wish there was more, but I want him to initiate more. Yes, we fight once in a while (once or twice a month maybe?). I am certain, without a doubt, he is faithful. Is this a warning sign that we are in trouble? Most husbands are pretty excited for this offer, and surprised it’s even on the table. Should I be worried?

Signed,

Feeling Not So Sexy Now

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Dear Feeling Not So Sexy Now,

I actually think your husband should be grateful because this woman offered her husband sex for 365 nights in a row as his 40th birthday present.   And he initially turned her down, too. Her reaction…

“I gave him the ultimate offer – the stuff of fantasy – and he said, ‘Yeah, not so much.’ Why wasn’t he jumping up and down like a kid in a candy store? Why were there no high fives? No kisses of joy and gratitude, and phrases like, ‘You’re definitely going to win ‘Wife of the Year’ with this one, honey!’”

So as you can see, there are men everywhere who are a bit weary of too much time in the sack. And women who can’t believe they are being turned down. You are not alone.

Basically, unless you’re married to a horny 18 year-old college student (and if you are, I’m seething with jealousy over here as I imagine his sweaty six-pack, toned biceps and full head of hair), a lot of husbands are not going to shout hallelujah at the chance to have obligatory sex every night of the week. It just feels too forced.

But there is no reason you can’t improve your sex life. If your husband does not want to do this one month sexathon, then ask him what he does want. And let him know you’d like him to initiate more. There are many ways to work on intimacy without missing out on all your favorite TV shows because you’re stuck in the bedroom night after night.

And it doesn’t sound like there is anything wrong with your marriage. You’re married,   still have HOT sex and ONLY fight once or twice a month. Girl, you two got it going on. I promise.

Good luck to you,

Kelcey, TMH

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9 Responses to “I Want Your Sex Every Day of the Month”

03.03.10#1

Comment by Rachel.

Twice a month seems a little rare to me, even if it is “hot”. Maybe suggest you try to have sex at least once a week? Still not very often, but double what you are doing now!

03.03.10#2

Comment by Muirgen.

Twice a month is about average for my friends with small kids. And while I don’t know that quality is always better than quantity – I believe the act itself, even if not-so-hot, helps keep loving partners connected. I also think that the sex life of marriages goes in cycles too. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

Kelcey’s advice is right-on. You go, girl.

03.03.10#3

Comment by Heather.

Is your husband in his late 30s, early 40s? I swear a bit of testosterone dies with every hair that falls out of their head and doesn’t grow back.

03.03.10#4

Comment by Maddnessofme.

Thanks so much! I love it. Yes, my husband is in his 40′s. I guess it just sortof bugs me when I think about when we were dating (we had sex ALL the time). We’ve been married 2 years now and the frequency immediately declined (but we didn’t live together before).

But, I’m happy to report that although he didn’t seem excited when I mentioned it, things have picked up. I think the suggestion got him thinking, as it did me.

He just wasn’t paying attention.

03.03.10#5

Comment by janine.

Obviously you have to find a balance that works for the both of you and I hate to pathologize what is probably nothing at all but it is also possible that Heather is dead-on. Men’s hormone levels shift a great deal as they age (just like women’s) and they can derive benefits from hormone replacement therapies too. Might be something to look into if you find yourselves at another impasse.

03.03.10#6

Comment by kmdguerra.

Me and my hubby actually tried to do this after we got married and it lasted all of three days. Planned sex is not so much fun, even if you have gone on a four month hiatus of not having any! (Yeah, we swore off sex four months before the wedding…let me tell you, it was the.best.sex.ever on our wedding night!)

03.03.10#7

Comment by Anon.

After 20 years 3x a month is about right for us (me ;) But when we do have it it is fabulous. I would prefer infrequent fab sex over every night ‘please hurry up’ sex any day.

But thinking maybe we should strive for once a week.. My mother recently told me when us kids were growing up her and dad would not fight for more than three days as that was as long as Dad could make it without sex. WTF?! My parents did it more than we do?!

Our problem is our house is small and you can hear EVERYTHING. Kids getting older and staying up later and later… Usually indulge when none of them are HOME!

03.05.10#8

Comment by Plano Mom.

Yes to the hormones – thought my hubs was cheating because his libido gradually declined until we were having fun ever. Short stint with hormone therapy, he’s back to his old ways!

03.05.10#9

Comment by thepsychobabble.

Well, to be fair, we had sex ALLTHETIME when we were dating too. But we also had a lot more of that stuff they call “free time”.
Now, I barely recall what that is…lol

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