I’m in desperate need of some help. It’s not life threatening, but I’m trying to experience what I saw on a movie once. Sorry to be crude, but I’m trying to archive female ejaculation. Ever since I saw it on a adult film a month ago, I’m in desperate need to try and create that. Is it just a thing that only porn stars can do? Or do I need boyfriend with a penis bigger than 10 inches? Or is it great camera angles? I know it seem silly, but it’s my life long dream and I’m desperate to make it happen hope you can give me some helpful tips and get rid of the myth 🙂
Thanks once again,
Please know that I’m only answering your question for two reasons. First, I think you’re sincerely asking for help (well, maybe) and if so, this Jezebel.com link will help. Happy reading, you sexy beast.
And the second reason I’m answering your question is to show all of our readers that WE’RE DESPERATE FOR NON-BIZARRO PROBLEMS TO SOLVE SO GET OFF YO ASSES AND EMAIL THEM TO US, YOU BIG DUMMIES.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call you all big dummies. I’m just a little flustered because I had to Google “female ejaculation” a few minutes ago since Mel obviously doesn’t know how a computer works and now I feel like I need someone to work my brain over with a Brill-O pad and some Comet cleanser. But, seriously, why is the internets so….icky? So terribly, terribly icky? Forget Parental Controls, I needs me some Wendi the Prude Controls, man. I mean, for the love of God, I’m from North Dakota. Nobody there is named She Squirts A Lot.
Anyway, if you read The Mouthy Housewives, you obviously know how brilliant and helpful we are. And if you read The Mouthy Housewives, we obviously know how weird and troubled you are. So please send your issues, problems and concerns to: email@example.com. (Note: Please address all Facebook and in-law questions to “Not Wendi.”)
Here, I’m even going to give you a simple, little form to get you started:
Dear Breathtakingly Gorgeous Mouthy Housewives,
Recently my (______) has started (______)ing every time I (_________). How can I get this to stop before I (_______)?
Poor Soul In Need of Help From Big Breasted Geniuses
OMG, how easy is that? Of course all questions are kept anonymous, and our answers are 100% guaranteed* to bring a smile to your face. Or, in Mel’s case, an ahem to your ahem. Now start writing!
(*This is completely not true.)