17 Mar
Everybody is Faking It

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband asked me if I’ve ever faked an orgasm with him. I said “Of course not!” and he said “I thought everyone did.” It was no big deal to him, but now I’m wondering what’s wrong with me that I can’t admit to faking it every once in a while.

Signed,

I Faked It and Then I Lied

_______________________________________

Dear I Faked It,

Sometimes it truly is OK to fake it. For example, if you and your husband are running 45 minutes late for dinner with friends and he suddenly turns to you as you’re half way out the door and says, “Do I look alright?” – turn to him with a big smile and say “Honey, you look great.” And then maybe the next time you go out, suggest that pairing a jean jacket with jeans might be a touch heavy on the denim.

To facilitate a smooth, happy marriage it’s necessary to sugarcoat things by sprinkling a white lie here and there. But the bedroom is not one of those times.

Unless you have divine superwoman powers (and if you do, market them immediately so you can bask in your glorious riches), you likely will not have an orgasm every time you are intimate with your husband. And that’s OK. On those occasions, don’t make your husband work endlessly in his futile attempt to get you to the promise land. Just let your spouse know that for some reason (that has nothing to do with him), it’s just not happening for you on this particular evening and he should relinquish all thoughts of baseball and bring it home for the both of you.

There is just no benefit to misleading your spouse into thinking you’re having an orgasm when you’re not. Because maybe you two can work together over time to make your orgasms more frequent. Or maybe you just have to imagine George Clooney all naked and sweaty and in your bedroom. Whatever works.

And save your “faking it” for when your husband makes you a lasagna dinner from his mother’s homemade recipe that tastes like shredded rubber tires. Just turn to him and say, “I love it and I love you for making it.”

Good luck to you,

Kelcey, TMH

3 Responses to “Everybody is Faking It”

03.17.10#1

Comment by Heather.

If only it were as easy to fake housework as it is to fake orgasms.

Amy Reply:

Oh Heather you nailed it girl!

03.17.10#2

Comment by JennSand.

I love this site and usually agree with the advice given here but I have to disagree with a small part of this one.
I agree that you should ALWAYS be truthful in the boudoir…you have to sleep with that man for the rest of your life! My sweetie put it this way…”If you are acting out “that” scene from When Harry Met Sally, I think I am doing a great job. How will I know what you really like if you fake it when you don’t like it?”
I do, however, completely disagree with the whole “faking it” on the cooking. Do you want him to make that same “shredded rubber tire” lasagna for the rest of your life because he thinks you love it? Tell him the truth, but be gentle. You will both be happier in the end. 🙂

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