Daddy Issues Aren’t Just for the Ladies
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’ve been dating a great guy for about seven months, and everything is great–except for the sex. Well, the sex is great, but recently he introduced “dirty talk” which I can’t stand. I’m worried that if I tell him outright that I don’t find such talk sexy, he’ll be offended and things will become awkward. Must I suffer in silence? (And why do men think that we want to hear that they’re our daddy?!)
Signed,
Dirty Dilemma
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Dear Dirty Dilemma,
If only our sexually awkward moments were as funny as they were on Friends, right?! (Or am I thinking of a porn movie? No matter. The point here is that this sounds pretty awkward. Also: funny.)
I feel like you have three solid options here:
1. Tell him the truth, woman! Tell him that talking dirty turns you off, not on. This will feel awkward at first, but c’mon: sex is supposed to be awkward! (I mean…isn’t it?) When you have the talk, however, I suggest you be prepared to offer an alternative to the–ahem–dirty talk. For example, perhaps you’d be interested in him texting pictures of his penis? (I hear it’s all the rage!) Or perhaps you can do something with…feet? Rex Ryan seems to be an authority on the matter, if you’re looking for suggestions. See also: Andy Dick.
2. Another option is to beat around the bush (heh) and come up with some sort of compromise to the dirty-talk option. For example, try learning “Daddy” in…I don’t know…Inuit or something. This way he’s getting what he wants, and you’re able to pretend it’s not really happening!
3. OR! Be passive aggressive! Who the hell needs a fulfilling sex life and sense of self-worth anyway?! The next time he asks you who your daddy is, you could answer him directly: “My Dad is Bob, remember? Balding? Mustache? Affinity for Dockers trousers?” Or be like, “Oh! That’s right! I forgot about Father’s Day! Let me go call him…be right back!” Keep in mind, however, that this option will not only put the dirty-talk issue to rest, but the relationship as well. In addition to your sex drive. And ability to get future dates. Guys are weird like that.
I suppose there’s always the possibility that you’re simply sexually incompatible, but this sounds like a common hiccup and something that, with a little communication (and maybe some therapy) could certainly be worked through.
Go get ‘em, tiger!
Kristine, TMH
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12 Responses to “Daddy Issues Aren’t Just for the Ladies”
Comment by Emily.
you’ve been with him for 7 months. I think that’s long enough to be able to say ‘I really don’t like that’.
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Comment by Kati.
I asked my husband why anyone would like that sort of thing, and his response is “I think they watch a lot of movies.”
Which I’m assuming aren’t Disney movies, because everyone knows that parents are either evil or get dead in Disney movies. So I still don’t understand any better than I did before, though now I’m wondering what kinds of movies have “sexy daddies” and where my husband may have heard of such things. Ah well, can’t shelter them forever.
For the record, no one is allowed to be parents of any kind in my bed. I refuse to be naked and a parent (or with a parent) at the same time.
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Comment by Plano Mom.
I haven’t had this problem in 16 years, but when I did, my own mother told me that life was far too short for mediocre sex. As always, Mom has the answer.
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Comment by I'm a big ol' b with a captial B!.
You shouldn’t put up with anything you don’t love. So just say it nicely and move on or maybe offer up a different way to play.
However, keep your options open, too, cause sometimes preferences change. For instance, I hated having my feet messed with during sex when I was younger and now instead I really do love a good foot massage. (What was I thinking then?! 
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Comment by Kimberly.
Let’s talk when he asks you to get a Brazilian… DURING. Then you will really know what awkward is.
ps: just ignore him, or tell him your concentration is very important to meeting the end goal.
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Comment by Tonya.
I agree with cate8 and Wendi. I also think you could buy one of those ball gags and tell him that that’s your turn on…you wouldn’t be lying!
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Comment by Chris10.
My boyfriend called himself my “daddy” once during sex when we were about 6 months into the relationship. I just gave him a weird look and didnt respond (because if I had I would have said something like, “EW wth? My daddy?”). Then after sex we talked about how amazing it was and how great everything felt ( we usually do this after sex) and I just casually mentioned that I love it when he talks dirty to me but not when he calls himself my daddy/papi.
The next time we had sex I asked him if I was his “good girl” and he loved it. Now instead of him being my daddy. I’m his good girl, or bad girl depending on the mood
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Comment by Lisa.
You are having sex but can’t be honest?
You are worried about making it awkward? But it’s not awkward because he is doing something you CAN’T STAND? You are really contemplating suffering in silence?
I think you have problems far greater than non-sexy sexy-talk if you can’t muster up the courage or whatever it is to have said something at first or just put your hand over his mouth or whatever.
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Comment by The Mommy Therapy.
Very impressive options. I’d definitely go with number three. Passive agressive is the new thing. Who needs all this communication?
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Comment by Don't Call Me Mother | The Mouthy Housewives.
[...] example, were to all me “mom” I’d speak up. And let us know if he insists on your calling him daddy. We can definitely help with [...]
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Comment by cate8.
You will get used to it. I used to put my hand over his mouth but now I just block it out and say an occasional “mHHmmm”.
~~or you could say– “why, yes you look old enough to be my father” LOL
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