19 Jul
Cleanliness Is Next to Annoying Your Girlfriend

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

The second my boyfriend and I are finished having sex, he rushes to the shower.  I wish he’d stay and cuddle with me, but he told me that this is just his way.  Is there anything that I can do to change him?

Signed,

Eh, A Little Sweat Won’t Kill You

___________________________

Dear  A Little Sweat,

Look, we hate to blame the person seeking our advice, but this is mostly your fault.   Because if you didn’t unhand-cuff   your boyfriend immediately after sex, he wouldn’t be running to the shower.   So keep those restraints on until you’re done cuddling and your problems will be solved.

Or just beginning.

I assume you’ve already considered and dismissed the possibility that he’s married and wants to get rid of any sexual evidence before returning to his wife and kids, you harlot.   And you’ve probably tried the old standbys of keeping a gallon of body sanitizer next to the bed and throwing yourself gracefully, yet forcefully, across him, pinning him down with your thigh?

If that doesn’t work, I suggest taking a page out of parents who’ve been sleep-training their children and letting him cry it out.   When he gets up to take a shower, grab his arm and plead with him to stay.   He will probably insist on going to the shower, with promises to “be right back!” but try to hold on a little longer.   The first day, a minute or two; the next day five minutes.   Within a month, he’ll be by your side for a glorious post-coital hour.   Either that, or he’ll be having sex with someone else.   (Let us know!)

Or you could try the honest approach.   Tell him that you’d love to spend some time together before he jumps into the shower and see if he’ll accommodate you.   Otherwise you can always join him in the shower.

Don’t drop the soap!

Marinka, TMH

8 Responses to “Cleanliness Is Next to Annoying Your Girlfriend”

07.19.11#1

Comment by Betty Herbert.

I fear that I’m no better than your boyfriend. When sex ends, I usually want to get on with my day or go to sleep, and both of these things requires a little splash-down first.

We’re all familiar with that moment when the orgasmic chemicals wear off, and suddenly you realise that you’ve got a dead arm and the underwire of your bra sticking into your thigh. Well, the hygiene-obsessed among us have a further realisation – that sex is a bit messy. Ew. We have to hose that down right away.

As long as he’s not actually dropping you mid-orgasm, I’d allow him a bit of personal space, while you stay in bed and demand he makes you a cup of tea when he’s done.

In my case, though, I’m having to learn to fight against my ‘shower IMMEDIATELY’ instincts: we’re trying for a baby, and that requires that I try to retain some of the damned stuff. I am learning to lie on my back and go to my happy place.

07.19.11#2

Comment by From Belgium.

Try having sex in the shower. Two birds with one stone.

07.19.11#3

Comment by Roksi.

It’s summer damnit. It’s too hot for cuddling.

07.19.11#4

Comment by Always Home and Uncool.

Given your own distaste for perspiration, I thought for sure you suggest the stinkin’ wench race him for wash cloth.

07.19.11#5

Comment by Plano Mom.

Is he willing to cuddle after the shower?

07.19.11#6

Comment by Meredith L..

Wasn’t there a SATC ep about this? Maybe sex makes him feel dirty. Not “stinky pee-ew” dirty, but “you dirty, dirty boy!” Maybe this is his cry for help that he needs to be spanked and reprimanded more during sex.

07.20.11#7

Comment by Emily.

I’d join him in the shower. neither of us are ‘lay in the puddles’ type of people. I feel weird about how we go to clean up afterwards, but….. I also whine a bit if the cold wet spot is on my side of the bed and it’s time to go to sleep. Changing sheets after sex and before bed seems a little excessive.

07.21.11#8

Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.

Wait, you’re with a guy who showers?

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