28 Mar
50 Shades of Oh, Shut Up Already

Welcome, dear readers, to Guess The Mouthy Housewife! Today’s advice is written by one of The Mouthy Housewives– but which one? Let us know if you think the Mystery Mouthy is Kelcey, Kristine, Marinka, Tonya or Wendi! One of the commenters who guesses the Mouthy correctly will win a copy of both Jill Smokler’s Confessions of a Scary Mommy and Heather Armstrong’s Dear Daughter.  Winner will be chosen randomly from among the correct responses.  Increase your chances of winning by tweeting the link to this post with a “I think the Mystery Mouthy is ___” (but  fill in the blank with the Mystery Mouthy. OMG. Why can’t we stop typing Mystery Mouthy?!) Good luck!  We will announce a winner on April 1st. No joke.

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Many of my friends seem to have lost their minds. They’re all reading that “mommy porn” book 50 Shades of Grey and keep talking about it nonstop. They read the other two books in the trilogy and they’re acting like love sick teenagers. I don’t get it. I read the first book and don’t see what’s the big deal. It’s just a poorly written bodice ripper.  Also I’m not a prude, but I don’t understand why porn is suddenly considered normal conversation while we’re waiting to pick up the kids at school.


50 Shades of Annoyed


Dear Annoyed,

The other day I was waiting to pick up at school and OMFG, one of the moms started talking to me about the renovations that they were doing. I looked around, like “who are you talking to?” and then there was that horrible moment when I realized that I was her target and victim.   Yes, I was trapped there for actual M-I-N-U-T-E-S while she droned on about backsplashes and  stone copper strips and countertops and she didn’t seem to come with an off button.

Much like Anastasia.

Please believe me when I say that if at that moment I could have changed the conversation over to porn (or clubbing baby seals for fun and profit) I would have done so instantly.  Yes, it’s ridiculous and poorly written, but  the thing about 50 Shades of Grey  is that it gives us a lot to talk about.  Like do virgins really bleed like that outside of the monarchy? How do we feel about signing non-disclosure sex agreements? Do we want a man who takes complete sexual control? Could that fellatio scene really have been written by a woman?

All important considerations.  And a way for us to talk about sex with our friends, to break out of that “I’m here to pick up the kids and then I will make dinner” mode.

But if you don’t feel comfortable talking porn sex with your friends, let them know. A simple “no spoilers, please!” should do the trick. If they are friends, they will respect your preference.  But don’t blame us if they meet for some English Breakfast Tea without you to pour over the details.

Oh my,

Mystery Mouthy



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37 Responses to “50 Shades of Oh, Shut Up Already”


Comment by Brett Minor.

Different people have different levels of comfort discussing this stuff.

No spoilers is awesome. That would get them to stop talking about it, without having to explain anything.

And I am guessing Tonya.


Comment by Annie Y.

Okay, so I am reading these books…..almost done with the 2nd one and I will admit,yes they are poorly written but they grab your attention enough that you don’t want to put them down. I am dying to talk about these books with someone so I’ve been sharing with my husband. Also, having had a baby recently and trying to become comfortable in the bedroom once again, these books are helping with that!

My guess is Marinka!


Comment by smilinjo.

I read through the trilogy in a weekend and what can I say, it’s filthy and crude and porn to the max and I learned more this weekend than in any sex class I ever took wayyyyy back in high school! Okay, yes, I’ll admit it, I liked them. And I guess:


Comment by Cait.

I need to read this book so that I can get accepted into the local play group. I don’t care if they let me bring the girls, I just need to talk to people who can use a potty without me!!
I’m going to guess this is Marinka.


Comment by KatesOwnRants.

Dear Mouthies,

Is it wrong that I never had any desire to read this trilogy… and after the letter & comments I want to do so even LESS? Does this mean I’m a boring mom who doesn’t like sex? Nah. Doesn’t sound like me.

With that said, I understand where the craze is coming from. I admit that ANYTIME one of my friends reads ANY book and wants to discuss it, I will read it even if it’s stupid (Eat,Pray,Love I’m looking at you) just to have a non-child-related-activity to share with another woman.

Luckily 50 Shades has not infected my particular peer group… yet.

My guess is Marinka!

DV Reply:

I don’t think not liking bodice rippers means you don’t like sex. I really can’t get into unrealistic sex scenes. Multiple screaming orgasms by a man with a penis that would scare the bejeezus out of me….no thanks.


Comment by wendy.

want to read it….my guess is wendi!


Comment by Plano Mom.

At least it sounds more grown up than Twilight. Can’t say I have any desire to read them, but I’m happy to talk about them if it means I get to use big words.

I have no idea who this is, so I’ll guess Marinka.


Comment by Carol.

I’ve never even heard of these books! I guess I live to deep in the bible belt for them to be considered proper reading material. (I’ll order them online!!)

My guess is Wendi.


Comment by Steph.

Good advice! My guess is Kristine (although my second guess would be Wendi).


Comment by Muffintopmommy.

I have to go Wendi on this and if not her, Marinka.

Btw, I didn’t even know about this book. I guess they didn’t review it in Peep.


Comment by meekasmommy.

My guess is Kelcey … and I gotta say, I have NO interest in ever reading – let alone hearing discussion about! – these books…


Comment by Carinn @ welcometothemotherhood.

Thanks for taking all the fun out of the game I used to play by myself. Now I have to be all uber-psycho competitive with myself THINK DAMMIT THINK. The pressure of a name…

My answer – which is SURE to be wrong now is Kristine (but I’d really be surprised if she read 50 Shades).

Carinn @ welcometothemotherhood Reply:

It’s not Kristine. Kristine wouldn’t write that she was going home to make dinner. I have read some of her “cooking” posts (her most recent one had me crying). Damn me for not spotting that sooner.


Comment by Amy in Atlanta.

Sounds like Kristine to me.


Comment by VG.

My guess is Tonya and I, too, have never heard of these books.


Comment by B..

I’m guessing Marinka.


Comment by rojopaul.

Ewww. That’s my comment.

And I’m guessing the mystery mouthy is Tonya.

P.S. PLEASE “mouth off” this week about momma bird feeding. Ugh.[http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/celebritology/post/alicia-silverstone-baby-feeding-video-goes-viral-lindsay-lohan-to-guest-star-on-glee/2012/03/28/gIQAvDbCgS_blog.html?tid=pm_entertainment_pop]


Comment by Amanda.

I probably should’ve read a review before I started reading this, because it made me weirdly uncomfortable. Now that I’ve read the first one, however, I must finish the series.

I think the writer is Tonya.


Comment by fondofthesilly.

It’s on my Kindle, but I can’t bring myself to start it.



Comment by Katie.

This whole 50 Shades thing reminds me of when we passed around Forever by Judy Blume one summer. I read it at the pool–hiding it under my towel so my mother wouldn’t see. I didn’t understand the big deal then either. And my guess is Wendi..or Kelcey. Ok, Wendi.


Comment by Utah L.



Comment by Nona.

I just can’t make myself pull the trigger and add it to my Kindle.

My guess is Marinka.


Comment by Michelle.

Marinka, is my best guess.


Comment by mexmom.

my guess is: Wendi


Comment by Brittany.

I think Tonya wrote it!!


Comment by Cheryl.

I knew immediately who didn’t write this (unless the writer deliberately head-faked us all by writing without her usual voice). As far as who DID wrote this, I’m putting half my money on Tonya. The other half is betting that not one of you is the writer: it almost sounds like a collaborative piece of your lowest key stuff or a voice from a guest mouth.


Comment by Emily.

I’m taking a stab in the dark and guessing this was written by Marinka.

Can we see a pie chart of how many guesses each Mouthy Housewife got? Then we could all see how wrong we are. 🙂


Comment by Brittany Stewart.

I’ve never heard of these books, and now out of sheer curiosity I’ll likely buy and read them all, no matter how poorly written they may be. Thanks a lot.

My guess is Marinka!


Comment by Where is the Love? | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] forget to enter our Guess The Mouthy giveaway! Correctly guess the author of yesterday’s advice for a chance to win a copy of both Heather […]


Comment by Pamela.



Comment by Momof4Luds.

The first I knew of this book was when my husband asked me if I’d read it because he’d heard that “all the women are reading it.”

And I’m guessing Kelcey.


Comment by Louise.

My guess is Marinka!
Also, I don’t understand the appeal of this book


Comment by Suzy Q.



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Comment by Is He Being Faithful if He's Sexting Online? | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] you read Fifty Shades of Grey which has some pretty hard core sex scenes and this would be equivalent to him reading Playboy or […]


Comment by susanf.

crazily popular in this part of the world too, my partners daughter (age 16) was given it by her mother to read. He, having heard the hype thought it might be helpful to preview.
Oh boy (insert Anastasia type expletive here). So NOT appropriate for a twilight fan!
I read three pages randomly and felt like I needed a shower after. I’m no prude but reading such atrociously written porn – ah no thanks I’ll go with the real person any day.
And the book has been discreetly removed from teens bookshelf.

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