Welcome, dear readers, to Guess The Mouthy Housewife! Today’s advice is written by one of The Mouthy Housewives– but which one? Let us know if you think the Mystery Mouthy is Kelcey, Kristine, Marinka, Tonya or Wendi! One of the commenters who guesses the Mouthy correctly will win a copy of both Jill Smokler’s Confessions of a Scary Mommy and Heather Armstrong’s Dear Daughter. Winner will be chosen randomly from among the correct responses. Increase your chances of winning by tweeting the link to this post with a “I think the Mystery Mouthy is ___” (but fill in the blank with the Mystery Mouthy. OMG. Why can’t we stop typing Mystery Mouthy?!) Good luck! We will announce a winner on April 1st. No joke.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Many of my friends seem to have lost their minds. They’re all reading that “mommy porn” book 50 Shades of Grey and keep talking about it nonstop. They read the other two books in the trilogy and they’re acting like love sick teenagers. I don’t get it. I read the first book and don’t see what’s the big deal. It’s just a poorly written bodice ripper. Also I’m not a prude, but I don’t understand why porn is suddenly considered normal conversation while we’re waiting to pick up the kids at school.
50 Shades of Annoyed
The other day I was waiting to pick up at school and OMFG, one of the moms started talking to me about the renovations that they were doing. I looked around, like “who are you talking to?” and then there was that horrible moment when I realized that I was her target and victim. Yes, I was trapped there for actual M-I-N-U-T-E-S while she droned on about backsplashes and stone copper strips and countertops and she didn’t seem to come with an off button.
Much like Anastasia.
Please believe me when I say that if at that moment I could have changed the conversation over to porn (or clubbing baby seals for fun and profit) I would have done so instantly. Yes, it’s ridiculous and poorly written, but the thing about 50 Shades of Grey is that it gives us a lot to talk about. Like do virgins really bleed like that outside of the monarchy? How do we feel about signing non-disclosure sex agreements? Do we want a man who takes complete sexual control? Could that fellatio scene really have been written by a woman?
All important considerations. And a way for us to talk about sex with our friends, to break out of that “I’m here to pick up the kids and then I will make dinner” mode.
But if you don’t feel comfortable talking porn sex with your friends, let them know. A simple “no spoilers, please!” should do the trick. If they are friends, they will respect your preference. But don’t blame us if they meet for some English Breakfast Tea without you to pour over the details.
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