Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Last fall my neighbor went on and on about how she’s not getting the flu shot for her kids because it’s all a big scam. She basically said I was an idiot for getting them for my kids. Then today I heard that her two teenagers have the flu. Is it acceptable to go stand on her front porch and scream, “I told you so!”?
Dear Good Neighbor,
In a word, “NO.” Do not go over to her house while her kids are inside suffering from the flu and scream “I told you so!” Your impulse to immediately rub her face in her mistake is an understandable one, but it’s just not something we do in polite society. Turn the other cheek, take the high road, don’t stick your tongue out at the cop who didn’t see you run that red light, blah blah blah. We need to act like grown-ups and get along with our neighbors.
That said, I see no reason why you still can’t get a little satisfaction out of this situation. And you don’t even need to do anything as obvious as having your kids do calisthenics in her yard while wearing, “I LOVE FLU MIST!” tshirts. (Although that would make a great YouTube video that would probably go viral.) (Get it? VIRAL? It’s the flu, so it’s spread with…nevermind. Medical humor never works.)
What I want you to do is wait about six months until it’s flu shot season again. (This is called “playing the long game.”) Then nicely tell your neighbor you’re getting the shots for your kids and see what she says. If she nods and says, “Me, too,” great! But if she starts in on the whole “it’s a scam” business again, simply pull a bottle of hand sanitizer out of your purse, hand it to her nicely and say, “Well then, you’re going to be needing a few of these. Good luck.” And then walk away with your head held high.