27 Jul
Dog Poop: The Worst Present Ever

Dear TMH,

My husband and I recently bought our first house. The neighborhood is great except for one thing: one of our neighbors lets their dog wander the neighborhood to do its “business.”  I wouldn’t mind a wandering dog if it kept its “business” at home, but we’re constantly finding little presents on our grass! Why should I clean up after their dog? Short of scooping up the poop and dumping it on their lawn, how can we ask them to monitor their pooch more closely?


Seeing Brown


Dear Seeing Brown,

I’m assuming that when you refer to finding the dog’s “business” on your lawn, you don’t mean his leather briefcase filled with legal documents, fountain pens and a few bags of kibble in case Rover gets hungry after his afternoon conference call. No, you’re probably talking about that gooey hazard currently wreaking havoc in neighborhoods like yours around the world: Free Range Turds.

My first inclination is to advise you to simply grab a brown paper bag and a lighter, then go execute the classic “Flaming Bag of Crap On Doorstep” maneuver. Not only is this one of my favorite ways to let someone know they’re a major league jackass, it’s also really good for the environment. (Or at least that’s what I think I heard Matt Damon tell Oprah one time when I was tipsy and binging on pita chips, and watching her special on global warming. Not sure.)

Anyway, if you’d rather not go that route, and you can’t afford to set up a Porta-Potty on his front lawn so he knows what it’s like to have your grass turned into an al fresco bathroom, there are a couple of more “legal” things you can try.

First, nicely ask your neighbor if he would please stop letting his pet leave unwanted presents in your yard. If he doesn’t agree, and chances are he won’t considering he thinks it’s okay to let his dog run around loose, then contact your Home Owner’s Association if you have one, or your local Animal Control if you don’t. Either group should be able to tell you your rights and the appropriate action to take.

And if that doesn’t work, just turn on your sprinklers the next time you see Rover and maybe he’ll get the message. After all, sometimes the dog is the smartest one in the family. Good luck!


Wendi, TMH

11 Responses to “Dog Poop: The Worst Present Ever”


Comment by The Mouthy Housewives » Dog Poop: The Worst Present Ever.

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Comment by suburbancorrespondent.

Definitely ask them to change their ways first. If they don’t, there is nothing wrong with gathering up the poop and putting it on their doorstep or in their mailbox. You don’t want to keep something that’s not yours.


Comment by Inna.

This is why I’m glad I live in a city apt, I only have to worry about sidewalk poop and since its not my sidewalk, I can simply walk around or sometimes annoying step in said poop.


Comment by Ashlie- Mommycosm.

The first day we moved into our new house (5 years ago), the neighbor’s little wiener dog left his business on our front step. A nice little welcome gift.

We casually mentioned it to the neighbor and they were embarrassed, but still allowed their dog to wander over to our yard to poop…so, I started letting out my much bigger dog whenever I would see it. Little wiener dog developed a fear of our yard. The end.

I agree, sometimes the dog is the smartest one in the family.


Comment by Destiney.

We had this problem when we moved into our neighborhood. My husband put up a sign: Please don’t let your dog or cat defecate in our yard”. It was very embarrassing but with in a week no more poop- not even the roaming cats. 10 years later still no problem.


Comment by Ungirdled Passion.

OMG! You TRULY had me laughing out loud on the first paragraph! I never say that, because it’s overused, but I was REALLY laughing OUT LOUD by myself in my office reading this! About the dog’s “business” not being a briefcase full of papers but FREE RANGE TURDS!


Comment by Mary.

I had this problem with 2 separate neighbors. My approach differed with each of them. With the first, I just took a Wal-Mart bag down to his house, handed it to him, and told him he needed to come pick up his dog crap out of my yard.
With the second (who was cleaning out his kennel into my yard), I just picked it up and smeared it on his porch swing.

(I can be either passive aggressive or aggressive aggressive as the situation demands. lol.)


Comment by Nina.

I recommend asking your neighbor politely to make sure his dog isn’t using your yard as his personal toilet.

If this doesn’t work, there are several tactics you can employ.

Check out this blog post for some ideas: http://www.rascodog.com/stories/clean-it-up/

I also like leaving a bag of biodegradable poop bags with a bow on top and a note that reads: Love your neighbor (insert your name) in their mailbox!


Comment by Betty.

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.




Comment by Christe.

My grandparents don’t own a dog, but their neighbor does. And last week somebody put poop inside of my grandparents mailbox. My poor grandpa reached in to retrieve his brown mail and got the stuff all over his hand. He went up to his wife and asked her to smell his hand because he can’t smell. While she was disgusted, I was alarmed by the situation. Come to find out the neighbor with dog did get get a present. He had poop smeared all over the front of his house on his windows. He might have deserved it because he shovels the poop on the neighborhood pavement, but I don’t know why my grandparents got their Halloween treat so early.


Comment by I Don't Poop in Your House So Please Don't Let Your Dog Poop in My Yard | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] would obviously be a whole lot simpler if you knew who was responsible. But I’m guessing with the high volume of dog traffic in your yard, more than one pooch is to […]

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