Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m getting married! YAY!! And I’m actually excited about it. Double yay!! I have found my match in every way and I never thought I could ever be so lucky. I honestly didn’t see this happening for me. So. Happy.
The problem is this is not my first marriage. My first one started begrudgingly on my part and ended in drug addiction on his part. It was a horrible mess that I didn’t want to do in the first place. My fault. But we did have a nice, beautiful wedding with all the glitz, spectacle, and of course, gifts.
So now I feel conflicted. I don’t feel like I deserve another big party. True, this is 10 years after the first one and my social crowd is completely different, but I know that I’ve already had one wedding extravaganza. I feel guilty about having another. This is my fiancÃ©’s first wedding but he wants the equivalent of a back yard barbecue for the reception. I feel that since I already had my party, he should get what he wants.
Am I wrong to feel disappointed?
Finally Excited to Get Married
Dear Getting Married,
I mean, Yay! Wedding! Congratulations on your engagement!
There’s no rule (that I endorse) that says that you get only one big wedding per lifetime. So if you want a big shinding, release the doves!
Oh, except your fiancÃ© wants something more low key.
I see the problem.
We’ve all heard that it’s not the wedding but the marriage that’s important, but from where I’m sitting (in my chair) there’s no reason to plan a wedding that makes either of you unhappy.
(By the way, it is possible that in the whole history of man-woman weddings the only man who wanted a big wedding was the former Mr. Liza Minnelli. Most of the other men learned to compromise.)
And you and your honey can too. Talk to him. When you say that you want a wedding extravaganza, what do you mean? Do you want the locals to start craning for Joan Collins because they’re sure that Dynasty is filming a reunion show? Or would you be satisfied with embossed invitations with a side of calligraphy? Wear a fancy white dress? Sip Dom Perignon? Have a wedding registry?
Prioritize which of these (or others) are must have and which you are flexible on. And then discuss it with your fiancÃ©.
He may want an intimate affair but not object to a gift registry. Or he may just really like barbecue. (Lord knows I do.) The point is, have a back and forth with him. A give and take. Getting into the practice of compromising may be the best wedding gift the two of you give yourselves.