Today we welcome back one of our fave Guest Mouthy Housewives, Tonya of AdHoc Mom! We totally love Tonya and keep begging her to become one of our Sister Wives. Please, Tonya, please! Tease up that pompadour and join us in celestial marriage, baby! We’ll let you use the good vacuum!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’ve noticed that my neighbor never puts sunscreen on her young children. I asked her about it once at the pool and she said something like, “Their father’s Mexican, they don’t need it.” I think this is almost child abuse as I’ve seen both of the kids get red burns on their faces and necks. Should I try to put some on them when she’s not looking or am I just overreacting?
SPF Pissed Off
Dear SPF Pissed Off,
First off, what is this sun business you speak of? As a person with almost translucent skin (and a hefty cable bill), I don’t venture outside too often. (I’ve put in my application to become a vampire, but so far the Living Dead Society has yet to get back to me. I think they read somewhere I was vegetarian?) That being said, I do slather my own child in pounds of sunscreen and I’m pretty sure he goes from weighing a mere 35 to a nice hefty 50 once I’m done with him. Therefore, I fully understand your frustration at witnessing a friend fail to protect her own children. It’s akin to watching a pregnant woman smoke, with a bit of seriously questionable racial profiling thrown in.
However, while I don’t believe you are overreacting as extremely severe sunburns are certainly considered a form of child abuse, in order to keep neighborly relations on a congenial level, I wouldn’t recommend putting sunscreen on her children while she isn’t looking. This could quickly backfire into a situation whereby she will never trust you again, and may later instruct her progeny to wrap your house in toilet paper or leave smoking bags of dog feces on your front doorstep. Neither, as my teenage self can attest to, are very pleasant
So to keep your friendship and the neighbor relationship moving forward, I suggest trying to get her children involved in the process of putting on the sunscreen themselves. Perhaps you could use some different colors of sunscreen on your own kids while you are all out together and encourage her children to join in the fun of making their bodies into living art projects. (This is a tactic I have used successfully on my husband)
The most important thing to remember if you witness this behavior again is that she is their mother and she really does love them. Even if she’s an SPF 500 level idiot.
Tonya Vernooy, Guest TMH
Have a problem/question/dilemma that you’d like one of The Mouthy Housewives to answer? Email it over to us at email@example.com or click here and we’ll get right on it!