You Don’t Love Me!
Whoa, that was a long weekend! And truth be told, we are still celebrating! So it’s a good thing that Kat from Mama Kat’s Losin’ It is here guest mouthing for us. You probably already know Kat from her super-popular writing workshop and recent reports from Greece, but if you don’t, get yourself over there and get to know her. Because I had the pleasure of meeting her in New Orleans this spring and she is lovely, and funny and stunning in real life. So don’t miss out! -Marinka
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My 4-year-old is driving me CRAZY. Anytime I get a little upset with him (for whatever reason) he breaks into tears and starts hiccuping, “Why don’t you love me?” It freaking breaks my heart. By this time I’m usually quite frustrated with whatever has happened, so I tell him, “I always love you. I just don’t like your behavior right now.”
But what I really want to do is slap him across the face and scream, “Of course I love you!” But that would probably send the wrong message.
Why does he do this? It’s been like this for several months, and no matter what my reaction he just won’t stop. We’ve had several conversations about how I love him no matter what he does, even if sometimes I don’t particularly like his behavior. He usually calms down and tells me he understands. And even though he’s super smart (and logical) for being 4 years old, he still does it every single time I get even just a little upset at something he does.
Please help before I have to be committed.
Sincerely,
Mom on the Edge
___________________________________
Dear Mom on the Edge,
I’m sorry to be the one to break this to you, but it seems as though you’ve broken a cardinal rule of motherhood and are thus, suffering the consequences. What is the cardinal rule? I’m glad you asked.
You gave your son a button. Your son has figured out that with just one push of the “You Don’t Love Me” button he can
a) make you feel bad
b) change the subject
and/or c) get attention.
We need to strip him of this power.
What I’m going to give to you is a gift. A gift that will send your son scrambling for a new button to push because he will realize the “You Don’t Love Me” button no longer works. It’s a response that has my best friend Reverse Psychology all bundled up right in it.
The next time your son utters those dreaded words, I want you to sigh and say, “I guess you’re right…I guess that means I can’t come to your birthday party or bake you a cake or bring you presents…because only moms who love their sons celebrate their birthdays like that…I guess you won’t have a very fun birthday…”
Your son will recant his words. He will want you to go to his party. He will want cake and presents and a happy birthday. He will quickly convince you that you do love him. You will smile and agree and give him a hug. And all will be well with the world again.
So you better start planning one hell of a party.
I’ll be expecting my invitation.
And there better be cake.
Love,
Kat, Guest TMH
20 Responses to “You Don’t Love Me!”
Comment by Marinka.
Great advice. But now I’m afraid of whatever new button he’s going to get.
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Comment by Lisa.
“Mommy is starting to get cranky…” works wonders on my kid.
Of course, you have to have something in your pocket for when you get cranky that makes your kid want to avoid that, at all costs.
But kids are terrible at reading tone, or paying attention when they are upset/fixated on their own drama. An explicit warning *before* you are ready to blow makes a big difference.
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Comment by Errand Girl.
I love it when the article is like what I would do. Then I know…wow, great parenting!
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Comment by Anna.
I’ll never forget ’91 – my 3-yr old announced: “I Hate You”. I picked up the phone, laughing: “Mom, all those years? thought I hurt your feelings? wondering why you were unmoved…” Ahh the scars, is this why we blog?
[Reply]
Comment by Kimmy.
That’s a great one!! LOL I can always expect a witty comeback like that from Mama Kat!
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Comment by Cam.
great advice. no power in that button. he doesn’t mean it anyway.
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Comment by Ryan (The Woven Moments).
My daughter told me she didn’t love ME anymore.
And (not thinking quickly enough to be funny), I told her that it was ok because I loved her enough for both of us.
A good answer – but yours is definitely funnier. At least for the parent. 
[Reply]
Comment by Sunday night…and other disasters of bed-sharing | Unintentionally Brilliant.
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Mama Kat Reply:
July 10th, 2011 at 8:03 pm
As long as he doesn’t get the “I don’t have to do what you tell me” button everyone should be okay.
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