05 Jul
You Don’t Love Me!

Whoa, that was a long weekend!  And truth be told, we are still celebrating!   So it’s a good thing that Kat from Mama Kat’s Losin’ It is here guest mouthing for us.   You probably already know Kat from her super-popular writing workshop and recent reports from Greece,   but if you don’t, get yourself over there and get to know her. Because I had the pleasure of meeting her in New Orleans this spring and she is lovely, and funny and stunning in real life.   So don’t miss out! -Marinka

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My 4-year-old is driving me CRAZY. Anytime I get a little upset with him (for whatever reason) he breaks into tears and starts hiccuping, “Why don’t you love me?” It freaking breaks my heart. By this time I’m usually quite frustrated with whatever has happened, so I tell him, “I always love you. I just don’t like your behavior right now.”

But what I really want to do is slap him across the face and scream, “Of course I love you!” But that would probably send the wrong message.

Why does he do this? It’s been like this for several months, and no matter what my reaction he just won’t stop. We’ve had several conversations about how I love him no matter what he does, even if sometimes I don’t particularly like his behavior. He usually calms down and tells me he understands. And even though he’s super smart (and logical) for being 4 years old, he still does it every single time I get even just a little upset at something he does.

Please help before I have to be committed.

Sincerely,

Mom on the Edge

___________________________________

Dear Mom on the Edge,

I’m sorry to be the one to break this to you, but it seems as though you’ve broken a cardinal rule of motherhood and are thus, suffering the consequences. What is the cardinal rule? I’m glad you asked.

You gave your son a button. Your son has figured out that with just one push of the “You Don’t Love Me” button he can

a) make you feel bad
b) change the subject
and/or c) get attention.

We need to strip him of this power.

What I’m going to give to you is a gift. A gift that will send your son scrambling for a new button to push because he will realize the “You Don’t Love Me” button no longer works. It’s a response that has my best friend Reverse Psychology all bundled up right in it.

The next time your son utters those dreaded words, I want you to sigh and say, “I guess you’re right…I guess that means I can’t come to your birthday party or bake you a cake or bring you presents…because only moms who love their sons celebrate their birthdays like that…I guess you won’t have a very fun birthday…”

Your son will recant his words. He will want you to go to his party. He will want cake and presents and a happy birthday. He will quickly convince  you that you  do love him. You will smile and agree and give him a hug. And all will be well with the world again.

So you better start planning one hell of a party.

I’ll be expecting my invitation.

And there better be cake.

Love,

Kat, Guest TMH

20 Responses to “You Don’t Love Me!”

07.05.11#1

Comment by Marinka.

Great advice. But now I’m afraid of whatever new button he’s going to get.

Mama Kat Reply:

As long as he doesn’t get the “I don’t have to do what you tell me” button everyone should be okay.

07.05.11#2

Comment by Lisa.

“Mommy is starting to get cranky…” works wonders on my kid.

Of course, you have to have something in your pocket for when you get cranky that makes your kid want to avoid that, at all costs.

But kids are terrible at reading tone, or paying attention when they are upset/fixated on their own drama. An explicit warning *before* you are ready to blow makes a big difference.

Mama Kat Reply:

So true! I do that all the time!! Granted my voice is usually five octaves higher than normal when I do it, but “I’M STARTING TO GET REALLY ANGRY…” is a very helpful phrase around here.

07.06.11#3

Comment by Errand Girl.

I love it when the article is like what I would do. Then I know…wow, great parenting!

Mama Kat Reply:

Great minds really do think alike it seems. 😉

07.06.11#4

Comment by Anna.

I’ll never forget ’91 – my 3-yr old announced: “I Hate You”. I picked up the phone, laughing: “Mom, all those years? thought I hurt your feelings? wondering why you were unmoved…” Ahh the scars, is this why we blog?

Mama Kat Reply:

I feel the same way. Even when they say they’re mad at me or that they don’t like me anymore I just know better. I mean how could you NOT like me anymore? It’s impossible. 😉

Anna Reply:

agree! I’m a follower – although my 4 kids have driver’s licenses – it’s just too much entertainment not to follow y’all 🙂

07.06.11#5

Comment by Kimmy.

That’s a great one!! LOL I can always expect a witty comeback like that from Mama Kat!

Mama Kat Reply:

Yes Kimmy. Come to me with all your parenting needs. I’ll set those kids straight!

07.06.11#6

Comment by Cam.

great advice. no power in that button. he doesn’t mean it anyway.

Mama Kat Reply:

I agree! I doubt he really even knows why what he’s saying can be hurtful.

07.06.11#7

Comment by MSRheinlander.

Stopping by to check out Mama Kat’s great advice : )

07.06.11#8

Comment by Kisatrtle.

I hope I get invited to the party tooo!

07.06.11#9

Comment by Michelle.

Good advice, Kat. Really.

07.06.11#10

Comment by Ryan (The Woven Moments).

My daughter told me she didn’t love ME anymore.

And (not thinking quickly enough to be funny), I told her that it was ok because I loved her enough for both of us.

A good answer – but yours is definitely funnier. At least for the parent. 🙂

Mama Kat Reply:

I say the same kinds of things when my kids throw that out. Just take the power right out of the words, “Ahh that’s too bad. I still love you though.” They just don’t know what to do with that.

07.06.11#11

Comment by Lady Goo Goo Gaga.

Mama Kat is my idol!!

01.09.12#12

Comment by Sunday night…and other disasters of bed-sharing | Unintentionally Brilliant.

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