22 Apr
The F-Word and the Car Pool

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My children have a paid carpool to school in the morning and travel by bus back home in the afternoon. They are 11 and 19. They travel with a neighbor just around the corner from my home. My kids have now been complaining for a while about this women using foul language on them and telling them that they are “F-ed up.” I really want to approach her and give her a bit of my mind as she has issues and is now taking it out on my kids. What should I do?


Everybody Out of the Car Pool


Dear Everybody Out of the Car Pool,

So let me get this straight. Someone you’re paying with your money is telling your kids that they’re “f-ed up” and you’re wondering what to do? You’re obviously not from the Mouthy Housewife states of Texas or New York, my friend. Oh, no no no no no. If you were, you’d be asking us for bail money instead of asking us for advice. But luckily, we can still help you out because it is our duty as unpaid Internets writers.

Now listen closely: the next time your neighbor comes to pick up your kids, I want you to follow these instructions to the letter:

1. Slowly remove your earrings and hand them to your children while staring intensely at the carpool driver.

2. Repeat above, but with any and all hair extensions. Say something menacing like, “Hold momma’s wig for me, baby, I’s got work ta do” if you like.

3. Take your right hand and curl in all of your fingers until you form a nice, hard fist. (Note: Be sure you’re wearing every fake diamond ring you own.)

4. Now politely ask the driver to get out of the car. Perhaps in the genteel NYPD style. Example: GET YOUR MOTHAFOKKIN ASS OUT OF THE MOTHAFOKKIN CAR BEFORE I DO IT FOR YOU, YOU MOTHAFOKKIN UNDERWEAR STAIN. Then roll your neck and snort a few times.

5. Take that asshole all the way down to Chinatown.

If you don’t know what that last step means, well, then you’re either a nun or someone who skips around a daisy field singing country songs all day. But if you do understand it, then there’s no reason why you should let your children be treated that way by anyone ever. And I do mean ever. There’s really no confrontation needed, just get busy and find another way to get them to school.

And if you don’t, then that’s really f-ed up.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH



9 Responses to “The F-Word and the Car Pool”


Comment by suburbancorrespondent.

Really, I’m pretty sure you can find someone else willing to accept money to drive your kids to school without swearing at them. Heck, I’ll do it. There’s no need to even confront this woman, really.


Comment by Pam - Housewives of Frederick County.

Wendi, you are freaking hilarious!!

To the mom whose kids are riding with this nut job, please by all means, find somebody else. There is no excuse for that type of behavior. I’d be ready to take her down to Chinatown myself too 🙂


Comment by Desperate Dietwife.

Ahem… I’m no nun and I’m not used to walking around daisy fields, but I’m a foreigner: what the heck does “take her
down to Chinatown” mean exactly?
I got the general meaning, but I’m curious as to the… how shall I put it… genesis of the word. ^_^

As to the advice, I totally agree with Wendi: that woman doesn’t deserve to drive your kids to school or anywhere, find someone else. And take her down to Chinatown, whatever that means. 😉

admin Reply:

It’s from an old Cab Calloway song called “Minnie the Moocher” and became popular again when DeNiro said it in “Meet the Parents.” Basically it’s just a funny way of saying “beat you up.”

Love that you walked around daisy fields. 🙂


Desperate Dietwife Reply:

Thanks, Sistah! 😀


Comment by mom of teens.

Oh hell no! You need to take this woman (if you can call her that) out back and show her the meaning of respect. Then you need to find someone else or rearrange your schedule to take your kids to school. Her behavior is beyond disrespectful and she should be ashamed of herself and her actions.


Comment by Jess.

Totally agree with all of the above.

Barring any special needs or schedule conflict, one does wonder why this 19-year-old couldn’t possibly take over the carpool responsibility? Seems logical, and you know, cheap.

If not, by all means, hire someone else. Or they could take the bus. Or walk. Really, anything’s better than verbal abuse from a sociopath.


Comment by MommyTime.

I was all prepared for this to be a question about what to do about the neighbor kid, you know, the mouthy 10-yr-old, who keeps dropping f-bombs during carpool. And having just dealt with nearly this exact situation, I was going to chime in with my two cents. But it’s the DRIVER?!?! And so now I’m all…”yeah, what she said.” Which isn’t helpful, except perhaps to know that there is righteousness in numbers, and there would seem to be no one who thinks this woman has the right to keep driving your children. Good luck!!

P.S. I’m guessing, since we tend to write the ages of our children from older to younger, that the woman’s children are 11 and 9, and that 19 is a typo.


Comment by Fragrant Liar.

May I just add, “Sic ‘er!”

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