18 Apr
The Chocolate Wars

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

The “Easter Bunny” left Reese’s peanut butter cups as the majority of sweets in my son’s basket and my son said he didn’t like that kind of candy. In a fit of guilt for not knowing my son’s own preference in Easter candy, I then gave him my much-coveted Ghirardelli chocolate bar to make it up to him. Oh, the sacrifices we make for our children! Or so I thought…

A day or two later, my son decided he did like Reese’s peanut butter candy after all and proceeded to eat what the Easter Bunny left. So I then ate the Ghirardelli chocolate bar, naturally. Well! When my son found out I did this, there were tears of betrayal and anger at mom. He seemed to think it was still his, even though he ate all of the other candy, too. Was I wrong to take back the chocolate bar and eat it?

Signed,

The Easter Mommy

_____________________

Dear Easter Mommy,

Of all the important lessons that we as parents can impart onto our children, here is the biggest, baddest one of all:

NEVER TOUCH A WOMAN’S CHOCOLATE

Followed closely by the other crucial life lessons of “Don’t shoot anyone” and “Never wear something with a Looney Tunes character on it to a funeral.”

But honestly, what the hell is going on in your household that your kid thinks there are takee-backees on chocolate? I’m going to have to question your parenting here, lady, because that’s something he should have learned long, long ago. Haven’t you been cherry picking all of the decent candy from his Halloween bag since he was born? Ordering him a chocolate birthday cake even though he wants vanilla so you can snarf it down after the party? Telling him that Grandma forgot to send him Valentine’s Day candy when you’ve actually squirreled it away in your purse so you can hide in your closet later and pretend it’s David Beckham’s pecs while you slowly lick it? No? And you call yourself a mother?

Stunned. Simply stunned.

So that’s why I want you to step away from the computer and immediately go find your son so you can tell him the following two things:

1. Be happy with whatever the hell you get from the Easter Bunny, you punk.

and

2. Do not EVER try to upgrade to Ghirardelli until you’re at least 18. Or have your own mortgage.

That should work for now. But promise me that in the future, you’ll let him know that when it comes to chocolate, whatever momma wants, momma gets. Or else.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH

12 Responses to “The Chocolate Wars”

04.18.12#1

Comment by Steph.

Wendi knocked this out of the park. (I hope my children know that my chocolate is my chocolate.)

04.18.12#2

Comment by Happy.Baker.

Bwahahaha! This post made me laugh out loud.

Thanks for the giggle. There is no guilt in chocolate wars. Take no prisoners.

04.18.12#3

Comment by sisterfunkhaus.

I would tell him tough luck, then I would remind him how selfish it is to want my chocolate and his. You are so much nicer than me. I wouldn’t have given him my chocolate in the first place.

04.18.12#4

Comment by Plano Mom.

Ditto. Although I would have thrown in a comment about how manipulating the system just makes the system shut down.

04.18.12#5

Comment by ewsj.

Perfect! My Momma raised me that we don’t mess around when it comes to good chocolate and Irish Cream

04.18.12#6

Comment by Cait.

This past Halloween we took the girls trick or treating at Dad’s office. They still have no clue what those colorful, crinkly things were or what happened to all of them. As for the Easter bunny, he just happened to leave the candy in the highest cupboard and put play-doh filled eggs in the girls’ baskets. We obviously read all the right manuals 🙂

04.18.12#7

Comment by tracy@sellabitmum.

I think I need that lesson on a needlepoint pillow. So perfect.

04.18.12#8

Comment by Deb.

HAHA so funny. Especially the “punk” part.
I loved it.

04.18.12#9

Comment by Danielle.

I lived knowing that when I went to bed at night my parents would be going through my Halloween candy and eating all the good kinds. Somehow, I survived.

04.19.12#10

Comment by Brett Minor.

I have said this many times and some people don’t like it, but it is true.

It is not your job to meet you child’s every wish OR to even make him happy. It is your job to raise him to be a responsible and contributing member of the adult world. If he is happy, great, but that should not be your highest priority.

You gave him that candy on the condition that existed. He then changed the conditions. Taking it back was not an issue and you should not even apologize for it. It probably should not have been given to him in the first place. He had a bunch of free candy and was complaining about it.

MomofTeens Reply:

I completely agree! You are not here to make your child happy, you are here to raise them to be a productive member of the adult world.

Also, I know of no child that complains about not having the right candy, getting a substitute chocolate bar. Why are you giving a child that is complaining and whining any sort of candy to begin with?

And yes. Mommy’s chocolate is OFF LIMITS.

04.19.12#11

Comment by HellTygr.

I just want to know what kind of kid is she raising that still had Ghirardelli left to take back after a day or two? 😉

Seriously, there’s no age given in this post, and it’s definitely different advice for a 2 year old versus an 8 year old. No, wait, it’s not. Feel no guilt for taking the candy back if he chose to eat what he was given in the first place.

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