20 Sep
The Battle of the Healthy vs. Sugary Snacks

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My 4-year-old daughter is playing her first season of soccer. At the start of the season, the “Team Mom,” told us in no uncertain terms that when it was our week to bring an after-game snack, it needed to be healthy. On my week, I spent two hours cutting up fricking apples and oranges, only to have the kids refuse to eat anything. The next week, the same thing happened with another mom. Then finally, this past weekend, the “Team Mom” shows up with Rice Krispie Treats and Capri Suns and the kids now worship her like a High Fructose Corn Syrup Goddess. What’s the deal? Were we set up? Should I call her out on it?

Signed,

Soccer Sucker

________________________________

Dear Soccer Sucker,

Why, what we have here is a simple misunderstanding!   See, I’m assuming that what the Team Mom had in mind is that the team parents would alternate snacks with some parents being asked to bring the scorned and dreaded healthful snacks while the favored parents being awarded the gift of bringing snacks that the children will actually eat and rejoice about.

Guess which category you fell into?

What to do?

The mature solution would be some kind of combination of laughing if off,   ignoring it or talking to her in a civilized manner using phrases like “I am confused” and “Perhaps you can clear the snack policy up for me.”

People swear by those methods, and if that’s what you elect, I can’t stop you.

But I can warn you that the bitch tried to take you and your daughter down and you have to retaliate.   Because you may be a grown up, but your daughter has to live out the rest of the season with the stigma that her mother, her own mother, brought sliced fruit as a snack.

Find out whose   snack turn it is next week, and ask them if you can bring the snack instead.   You’ll be amazed at how generous parents can be in letting you take their snack day.   And then go all out.   Make those Rice Krispie Treats and Capri Suns look like tofu bits and mother’s milk in comparison. I’m talking donut holes, glazed bacon bites, and apple juice (ask your dentist about apple juice. Point made.)

Serve it with pride and dare Team Mom to make a peep.   And if she does, feel free to have that adult conversation, complete with adult phrases.

That’ll teach her to mind screw with you snack-wise.

Disclaimer:   I’m a little sensitive about this subject because I was conned into bringing organic baby carrots and broccoli florets to my son’s first T-ball game.   I still wake up in a sweat at the memory. Or maybe that’s menopause.

Good luck,

Marinka, TMH

10 Responses to “The Battle of the Healthy vs. Sugary Snacks”

09.20.10#1

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

I would’nt go as far as doing an extra turn; instead, I’d coalesce with the other baffled moms, and have all of you bring Rice Krispie Treats and Capri Suns.

Whenever the Team Mom changes, just copy her. She can’t fail to notice this and if she asks any explanation you just innocently say that you realised you had misunderstood her when you first heard her talk about “healthy snacks” and that you all decided to make her your “trend setter”, as the kids absolutely refuse to eat sliced apples and peeled oranges.

Let her watch out for her own speeches, instead of putting yourself out of the way in order to please her.

09.20.10#2

Comment by Karen at French Skinny.

Brilliant advice as usual, Marinka.
The last time I picked up my 4 year old from Grandma Dee’s house he was eating Graham Crackers with peanut butter and drinking Root Beer. My Mom swears Root Beer is good for you.

Take her down and cast off the name Soccer Sucker forever.

Lisa Reply:

Yeah, well, Grandmas…what can you do?

09.20.10#3

Comment by wacdance.

Wow! This seems crazy!! Crazy I say!! Apparently this woman thinks that sugary cereal and marshmallows are healthy. Hmm.

I am with Marinka… fill those cute little children full of the best sugary sweetness you can find!

09.20.10#4

Comment by Plano Mom.

The mistake was in giving in to the Health Nazi Hypocrite in the first place, but why wait until the END of the game to send them all home hyped? START OUT the game with candy bars and Dr. Pepper, so they can work off all that extra energy and succumb to the sugar crash as they are heading home…

09.20.10#5

Comment by Mommy on the Spot.

Brilliant advice. Just brilliant.

Mommy on the Spot Reply:

oops! I meant to put an excalmation point to emphasize just how brilliant that is. Because not only are you showing her up, you also get to have that “adult” conversation to really drive the point home. Just brilliant!

09.20.10#6

Comment by Mom on the Verge.

I never could understand feeding kids sugary stuff right after all that healthy exercising. I’d do whole wheat peanutbutter cookies or Nutter Butters, but Capri Sun? Might as well feed ’em dog pee.

I’d lean on ubermom just a hair, if only to make her sweat. Everyone at once. “We must have misunderstood — what exactly should we bring for snack again?”

Maravonda Reply:

When my kids were little, back in the dark ages, there were these cardboard tubes like straws that were filled with flavored sugar and they would just rip off the top and pour them in their mouths. Sounds like you need a few cartons of them to me.

10.10.10#7

Comment by Mom again.

My kid is yet too young for this to be an issue but having seen this sort of issue in several forums (including the how come nobody bringshealthy snacks & noone remembers my kids allergy & and OMG is my kis the only allergyless one in town?). I’m inclined to start a fad of why don’t we all just feed our own instead of this annoying socialist taking of turns thing?

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