04 Jun
Put Down the Tequila, I Have a Plan

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

What can I do to keep my two boys occupied this summer vacation? We can’t afford camp, we don’t like swimming and it’s way too hot to play outside. Please give me some ideas because I’m worried I might become an alcoholic by August.




Dear   Pre-Bored,

August you say? With this kind of a set up, you’re going be knockin’ back one after the other by your annual Fourth of July barbecue if you don’t nip it in the bud, pronto.

My first thoughts, after reading your question, were to either move, get your boys involved in some kind of a hobby that involves a six-week stay somewhere you can’t hear them, or ask for a promotion. It doesn’t matter. Just do whatever it takes to make sure they’re not sitting around the house all summer sucking on cherry flavored ice cubes and whining, “I’m bored” to the point where you’re muttering “Dear God, it’s either them or me.”

My second thought is something along the lines of hiring   the head cheerleader from your local high school to schlep your kids around to any place that provides air conditioning and access to pizza (for them) and sells blue jeans in a size 000 (for her).

Or you might want to consider hopping in the old minivan and taking the kids on some kind of a road trip to an area that is a bit cooler, such as a forest or a mountain where you and your family can spend time exploring what’s left of our natural resources. At night, you can sit around a campfire and maybe toast some marshmallows, that is until the forest ranger comes and arrests all of you for lighting up in a “dry zone,”   which wouldn’t be all bad because trust me on this, a night in prison will be a summer experience your kids will never forget.   And every time afterward, when you go and see them in their new court appointed foster homes, don’t be surprised if they want to talk about it over and over and over again.

Then again, if nothing I’ve suggested works for you,   head on over here where you can find out a whole bunch of other ways to spend your days and not too many of your dollars.

Good luck.


Jessica, TMH

6 Responses to “Put Down the Tequila, I Have a Plan”


Comment by Inna.

My mom used to take me and my sister to a kids science museum every day. We loved it! And it was pretty inexpensive with a suggested donation as the fee.


Comment by The Laughing Idiot.

How about a sprinkler, water balloons, super soakers (my husband @ 38 loves ’em)?

Also, a lot of malls these days have indoor playgrounds – no purchases required!

Afternoons might be an issue, but get them out of the house early in the morning or in the evenings when it’s a little cooler – hopefully it will give you 15 minutes of peace at some point in the day.


Comment by SweetPeaSurry.

He he he … TMH’s advice always cracks me up. brilliant once again!


Comment by Andrea's Sweet Life.

Put them to work – they’ll quit complaining about boredom by the second chore, guaranteed.


Comment by wa.

Sam’s last day of school ended at 11:45 a.m. today. By 11:50 a.m., he was already bo-red.

I’m seriously considering the night in prison idea. I mean, I do look good in orange, anyway.


Comment by jen.

My sons ended school three weeks ago. Three. I am only sane right now because I sold my kidneys (dialysis is a bitch) to pay for summer camp. Week one ends tomorrow. Worth.Every.Penny. Didn’t do enough camp last year and I was starting to scout out ditches in which to covertly dump them. Check around; you might be surprised to discover your school district has summer camps that are affordable and will take the cherubs all day every day.
Or spend the money on duct tape and vodka.

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