It’s Guest Post Friday! And today we’re thrilled to welcome one of the funniest writers I’ve come across in my 45 years of blogging and that’s the lovely Tarja from The Flying Chalupa. (No, her blog’s not about eating Mexican food on airplanes. Well, not usually.) Please be sure to go read her stuff because she’s truly one of the freshest, most original voices in all of Mommy writer land. Thanks, Tarja! — Wendi
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I have four children, all in private school. Because of the economy, we’re looking to send just one of the kids to great public school next year. Both my husband and I agree about which kid to send (he does the best with change of all the kids), but I’m worried that he will see it as punitive and not fair. Is it unfair? Any advice on how to make it easier?
Dear Going Public,
As the President and CEO of four private companies with amazing future profit potential, I congratulate you on your decision to take one of them public! As evidenced by Google and eBay (let us ignore Enron, an obviously troubled child), taking a company public has so many benefits – the first being that you’ll have one less annual fundraising phone call to endure.
And punitive? Unfair? I think not.
Your parental stock is going to SOAR when this kid is introduced to vending machines and high fructose corn syrup. And let us not forget the American ritual that is pep rallies and cheerleaders!
They’re short, yeah! They’re short, yeah!
You checkin’ out my bloomers?
GO! SHORT! SKIRTS!
Upon pick-up for the first day of school by the big yellow cheese wagon, that IPO will be jealously coveted by the other private companies, mark my words. And here’s where I’m going to blow your mind with an amazing suggestion – stay with me! – don’t send just one kid public. Send two public and two private – solidarity in numbers – or hell, send ’em all public.
I’ll let that sink in.
SEND THEM ALL PUBLIC.
You say that it’s a “great public school?” So why not save a bundle and prepare for the option of taking these four companies private again when they’re 18 and dying to go to Amherst College. (To which you’ll respond, of course, “But they’re the LORD JEFFS, don’t be absurd.”)
I know you’re worried about how your kids will handle the change, but they’re resilient. Hardy. Like cockroaches that never shut up. Or something. The kids will be fine. It’s adults that can’t handle change. I mean, look at me! I wrote this on papyrus using a quill and ink and sent this to the Mouthy Housewives via carrier pigeon.
The big question is: can you handle being a public mom?
True. The PTA won’t compare to the Friends of the Organic Garden Committee, but I, for one, see going public as a great investment for your shareholders.
Yours in Technological Denial,
The Flying Chalupa