Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Why the crap won’t my kids sleep at night? This is effing ridiculous. Son is 2-years-old, daughter is 7 months and they’re both messing with me from 2 am to 6 am.
Sleepless in San Diego
Why won’t they sleep? For the same reason you stayed up until 3 am doing Sex on the Beach shots with Johnny the drop-out bartender at the local dive bar in college when you knew you had to be at class at 8 am. Because it’s fun to be awake!
Your kids are thinking – “Hey I’m up. Let me cry a little bit and see if I can get my pushover mom to come in here and pick me up. I bet if I cry hard enough, she’ll even bring me some milk! Don’t forget the Oreos, SUCKER!!”
Here is the best way to get your kids to sleep through the night. Before you go bed, check on them to make sure they are snuggled comfortably and safely in their cribs. Go into your own bedroom, shut the door and turn off the monitor. Sleep peacefully until morning! Get woken up by sunshine and birds chirping!!
In all seriousness, if you stop going into their rooms, they’ll most likely stop waking up. My 8-month-old daughter was a regular on the infant party girl circuit. She loved to wake up through the night. I tried feeding her, rocking her, singing to her, bringing her into my bed and praying to God himself that she would JUST SLEEP. And then one day I just moved her into a crib downstairs and let her work it out for herself. And you know what? One person parties aren’t that fun. She now sleeps through the night pretty regularly.
My advice is to get tough before your kids can bound out of bed on their own. Because I have a 4-year-old who consistently comes into my room. And it’s just not as fun to be awake in the middle of the night without Johnny the bartender around.