24 Nov
My Nanny Stole My Heart! And Possibly My Visa Card

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I think my nanny (who I love!) might be stealing money from me. How can I find out for sure?

Signed,

Ripped Off

_________________________________________________

Dear Ripped Off,

Ah, nannies. When they’re not writing sucky tell-all books about you, they’re sleeping with your husband and having his golden-haired love child. Both of which are reasons I’ve never, ever hired a nanny to take care of my precious children. (And also because I haven’t held a job since 1980.)

But while I may not have any first hand experience with dishonest nannies, I certainly know how to sniff out a dirty rat when I see one. After all, I spent most of my formative years drinking wine and watching The Godfather trilogy over   200 times.   Therefore, I can say with 100% certainty that your nanny is probably guilty if you see any of the following signs:

  • She upgrades the rims on her Cadillac El Dorado to diamond studded platinum
  • She’s started wearing solid gold cuff links to poker night at Big Jimmy’s place
  • She’s now hanging out with a higher class of Atlantic City hooker
  • She went behind your back to Miami kingpin Hyman Roth whose men attempted to assassinate you at your Lake Tahoe compound so they could then take down the entire Corleone organization and gain control of Vegas
  • She has a new Coach purse

However, if she doesn’t show any of those signs, I say trust your gut. Where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire.   But (and this is a big but) get proof before you make any accusations. You could do this with a Nanny Cam, which kind of gives me the personal creeps, or with a sting operation in which you put a wad of bills in a drawer and keep tabs on it to see if any goes missing. And then if any does, and you’re totally certain the money wasn’t taken by your kids, your husband or yourself, then sit her down and have the uncomfortable discussion. Hopefully, she’ll confess and you’ll get the answer you want. But if she still won’t come clean, fuggedaboutit.

Because I hear a horse head in the bed works wonders.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH

3 Responses to “My Nanny Stole My Heart! And Possibly My Visa Card”

11.24.10#1

Comment by melanie.

Wendi, you so rock. We have led parallel lives. Johnny Ola showed me this place.

Happy Thanksgiving.

11.24.10#2

Comment by marathonmom.

Crap. That’s the new alarm clock DH gave me for my birthday.

11.24.10#3

Comment by dusty earth mother.

Wow, Wendi, you really got that Godfatha thing down. I’m impressed. Sorry, what was the question?

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